My daughter gave me a quick message last night, "Quit Dad".

[Gary D.]

This is something I try to get through to people who are considering becoming a PSD. I tell them about the impacts it can have on them, which will affect their families to some extent. I am blunt and to the point, which upsets some people who say I’m ruining their dream of being PSD. I want people to survive in the business so knowing the worst going in is better than the shock factor later. Read on and you will see what kind of impact it can have.

I don’t, or at least I try not to, know my victims. I normally hear their names but it doesn’t stay in the gray matter. Saturday was no exception. We were called out, responded, dove, assisted with the vehicle and body recovery and went home. The victims name, in one ear and out the other at the speed of light. I rarely ever do a report on the incident. I’ll do the oral interview with the investigator and they all know that’s my safety valve.

Last night I met up with one of the Post Falls City officers. He’s been a family friend for a long time. He has seen my daughter grow up.

He asks me how my daughter is doing. I said great sense she split with the idiot. He asked how she was doing with Jason’s accident. I was lost.

He goes on to tell me who Jason was. I’m sitting there with my mouth open. I not only know him, but he went to school with my daughter and this wife’s family is friends of ours. To top it off he was our Ex-Son-in laws best friend.

Holly poop. I call my daughter and I asked her about Jason. Now I have a problem because she didn’t know. She knows that I don’t ask just to ask very often so I had to tell her he was our victim the other day. She loses it. After a long conversation she calms down, at least on the outside. She is with other friends who didn’t know either so I just screwed up the 4th for them. Damn, I’m normally the last one to know who we recovered. This time I was the first.

This morning she calls me and thanks me for telling her but had one simple request, “Quit dad, Please quit finding my friends”. In the past two years we have recovered two of her classmates and one co-worker. This doesn’t include ten or more people she has known.

I just told her I loved her and I couldn’t promise anything but I would try.

This job does not end when you walk away from the dive site. It can go way beyond that. And it can really suck sometimes.

Gary D.

 

[Queen]

A client jokingly asked me the other day if I'd ever dove in the small lake in a local public park, my last recovery dive was in that park...it was a woman and an infant...haven't done PSD since. Kudos to you if you can keep it up.

 

[SteveDiver]

I feel your pain! as a life flight medic I have came across situations such as yours. Except in my situation I recognized the patient as soon as we landed (my friends daughter). It can be rough however someone has to do it... I like you do not want to know my patients names. It has been instilled in me to find the life threatening hazard, treat and transport...There were a few occasions where I arrived to multiple casualities two of which were very young children where a crises team came in to help me deal with the pain and sorrow...I have no tolerance for drunk drivers or druggies.

 

[Otter]

I have never had to be on the receiving end of tragic news that often accompanies the business you are in. That being said, I am thankful (as are others who have engured the pain) that there are people like you that do what you do. No one wants to hear the message, but bringing closure is critical in dealing with these types of situations.

Thank you.

 

[Doc Intrepid]

This job does not end when you walk away from the dive site. It can go way beyond that. And it can really suck sometimes.

Gary,
Perhaps you should listen carefully to what your daughter requested. It may at least be worth your further consideration. Only you can gauge how serious she was. Perhaps sometimes, like second-hand smoke, things follow us in the door that shouldn't. They can have profoundly negative influences on others, even if we have found ways to cope. It always comes down to priorities.

I wish you the best, it can't be an easy position to be in.

Regards,

Doc

 

[Li'l38]

...This morning she calls me and thanks me for telling her but had one simple request, “Quit dad, Please quit finding my friends”. In the past two years we have recovered two of her classmates and one co-worker. This doesn’t include ten or more people she has known.

I just told her I loved her and I couldn’t promise anything but I would try.

This job does not end when you walk away from the dive site. It can go way beyond that. And it can really suck sometimes.

Gary D.

Sorry to hear about the down side of your job. My prayers for your daughter's loss and the families of all the victims. 'Tis a strong man that has the courage to continue to do that job through all the pain and sorrow it may cause. Fact is, someone's gotta do it. It isn't your choice who the victims are and it sounds like you do your best to keep your emotions out of the equation. Maybe your daughter could take comfort in knowing that these loved ones are found and recovered by someone who cares rather than by one who is indifferent. (indifferent might not be the right word, forgive my lack of vocabulary here) Life is constantly throwing curves. Sometimes in the form of seemingly unbearable hardships. 'That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.' If your wish is to continue PSD, she will respect that. Best you can do is let her know you love her, be there for her and time will ease her pain. I know I speak for many when I say, a heartfelt Thank You. Thanks for a job well done. Thanks for being one of only a few that do what most can't. (I'm sure I couldn't) Thanks too, for caring enough to continue to do it. Rest assured it is understood why, if you chose not to. Take care and be safe.

 

[mrobinson]

I try to stay out of this are because I simply have no business being here. Your thread caught my eye. Thanks so much for sharing this.

Hat's off to all of you do have to this very necessary job. I'm glad most of you still enjoy diving despite of it. Thank you all!

 

[miked]

Although I am a purely recreational diver, I have family members that have been police, police divers, fire fighters, paramedics, etc.
They have spoken of the problems that occur when the job follows them home.
In a (slightly) similar situation, one of my cousins went with his daughter to counselling. It seemed to help him, his daughter, and the overall situation.
Perhaps that is something to consider.

If you decide that "this is enough"- and retire-please realize that the public is appreciative of your efforts, even though many will have no idea as to the level of sacrifice you have made over the years.
Be kind to yourself and to your daughter. And thanks for what you have already done.

Mike

 

[DennisW]

Gary,

I, for one am very happy there are people like you out there doing what you do. There are those who are good at what they do, but have little humanity in the long run. You have kept yours and that makes you one of the most excellent LEO's I have ever known and a great PSD. When you retire, it will be a loss to the profession, but you will always have the respect of those who know you and understand the toll your work takes. Your daughter understands, she is just hurting. That will take time.

 

[Sideband]

I wasn't there of course, but what I got from her request was not that he quit the job but that he quit recovering her friends. Kind of like, if he stops recovering them they will stop dying. A little twisted but I can understand the thinking considering the circumstances.
Have either of you thought about her getting involved in a water safety campaign or the like. Might be a positive place to channel the hurt if she can take it. That sounds like a lot of friends for one person to lose that way. May be too much though.

Joe