I think Mattboy's suggestion is a very good one. It really puts a load on an already anxious diver/student to know that they will have to remove the mask AND breath through a regulator with their nose uncovered. Entering the water with snorkel or reg and no mask on in water shallow enough to stand in builds confidence that they can, indeed, breathe underwater. Then swimming and descending to deeper water as the confidence and proficiency builds. Some instructors lack tact and patience, for sure.
There are lots of folks that don't mind removal of the mask, but I don't know anyone that outright likes it -- especially if the water is really chilly.
What concerns me the most about OP's remarks is the tendency to bolt for the surface, not that they were slow to learn the mask removal. They got to the surface unharmed from 12 and 20 feet, fortunately. But what happens when they are at 60 feet after 45 minutes underwater and their buddy kicks their mask off? Those things that make us most anxious are the things that we need to practice the most till we get comfortable.
There are lots of folks that don't mind removal of the mask, but I don't know anyone that outright likes it -- especially if the water is really chilly.
What concerns me the most about OP's remarks is the tendency to bolt for the surface, not that they were slow to learn the mask removal. They got to the surface unharmed from 12 and 20 feet, fortunately. But what happens when they are at 60 feet after 45 minutes underwater and their buddy kicks their mask off? Those things that make us most anxious are the things that we need to practice the most till we get comfortable.
Congratulations on making good progress on a difficult skill. I have found that the snorkel/no mask exercise is very helpful. You should also try some pool work with a regulator and no mask. Starting a session with no mask, then descending, is often easier than being underwater and taking your mask off.
It's very easy to blame an instructor when you have a problem. Although your first instructor may not have been as nice as you would have liked, it sounds like she made an effort to help you. The mask removal issue is a very common source of anxiety for many OW students.