Looking for help for person scared by Discover Scuba experience

[AngusHDay]

I was having trouble locating something specific to my situation in the forums so I decided I'd better ask. My apologies if this has been covered somewhere.

My spouse and I did a Discover Scuba experience in December 2021. I realized she was having trouble a couple of times and flagged down the instructor to put attention on her. With the mask and regulator I was unaware of how upset my wife was but she trooped on through. The DSD pool portion was comingled with 6 divers getting OW and Advanced OW, 4 of the divers unattended minors (10-16 yo), a father son pair then us. I found that the amount of instruction spent on us was very marginal and only when my wife got upset did the instructor break off to help. We got onto the boat portion and were out over the reef when my wife and I got our 2 minute instruction on back roll. While waiting for the instructor at the bottom of the rope maybe 10' down I noticed my wife on the surface and the instructor helping her out of the equipment. I resurfaced and joined her on the boat while the instructor got on with 2 father son pairs doing their OW and AOW dives. When the instructor came back to the boat to ask if we were ready to do our portion I just let my wife decide. When she said she would do it I made the decision to stay on the boat so that she would have 1-to-1 time with the Instructor. She appeared to have a good time and was calm at the bottom of the rope watching the fish.

We returned home from the trip and I felt her out on the experience. She told me that it seemed like a good thing for us to do together in the future and we should get our OW certs, she was just going to hold off until the summer and find someone she was comfortable to do this with. I went ahead and got my Cert and another specialty before taking a break to regroup.

I now suspect she will not follow through and I have no intention of pressuring or shaming. I kind of want to know how I can now dive and make that a part of our vacations without being that person. Yes I am bummed out about another potential pastime I may not be able to share with my spouse.

I understand that Dive Operations are under pressure to stack tourists to pay bills but I am now significantly pissed about how this went down, no offense to the instructor who did the best that she could.

 

[Marie13]

Maybe find a local shop to do a private DSD for just for your wife in a pool. Maybe include you if she wants. See how she does and go from there. Ask for a patient instructor. Explain previous experience.

I was very unsure about scuba and did a pool DSD (the only way they’re done in the Midwest).

 

[brsnow]

My wife did her whole cert process except for the last check out dive. Just wasn’t her thing. Loves to snorkel and travel. It is not for everyone.

 

[undrwater]

Your description sounds like they didn't follow the DSD guidelines. You should have been cared for far more attentively. Don't know if that'll make a difference to her at this point, but it wasn't her fault.

 

[Esprise Me]

I feel you. I wanted to get certified with my husband on our honeymoon, but it turned out he had a medical condition that precluded it. Then a few years later I got certified with a good friend. Although she passed the course (half the people didn't!), she struggled and felt anxious, and never dived again. For a long time she was saying she was up for going diving sometime, and I tried ways to help her feel more comfortable, but she just never quite took the bait. I eventually let it go. I've had other friends who wanted to get certified, and I've offered advice and support, but still my only dive buddies are the ones I met diving.

I'm a little unsure what you're asking for, though. Do you want help with getting your wife certified? Or have you accepted that it's not going to happen, and are looking for ways that diving can still be a part of your life, even if it's not a part of hers?

 

[wetb4igetinthewater]

I was having trouble locating something specific to my situation in the forums so I decided I'd better ask. My apologies if this has been covered somewhere.

My spouse and I did a Discover Scuba experience in December 2021. I realized she was having trouble a couple of times and flagged down the instructor to put attention on her. With the mask and regulator I was unaware of how upset my wife was but she trooped on through. The DSD pool portion was comingled with 6 divers getting OW and Advanced OW, 4 of the divers unattended minors (10-16 yo), a father son pair then us. I found that the amount of instruction spent on us was very marginal and only when my wife got upset did the instructor break off to help. We got onto the boat portion and were out over the reef when my wife and I got our 2 minute instruction on back roll. While waiting for the instructor at the bottom of the rope maybe 10' down I noticed my wife on the surface and the instructor helping her out of the equipment. I resurfaced and joined her on the boat while the instructor got on with 2 father son pairs doing their OW and AOW dives. When the instructor came back to the boat to ask if we were ready to do our portion I just let my wife decide. When she said she would do it I made the decision to stay on the boat so that she would have 1-to-1 time with the Instructor. She appeared to have a good time and was calm at the bottom of the rope watching the fish.

We returned home from the trip and I felt her out on the experience. She told me that it seemed like a good thing for us to do together in the future and we should get our OW certs, she was just going to hold off until the summer and find someone she was comfortable to do this with. I went ahead and got my Cert and another specialty before taking a break to regroup.

I now suspect she will not follow through and I have no intention of pressuring or shaming. I kind of want to know how I can now dive and make that a part of our vacations without being that person. Yes I am bummed out about another potential pastime I may not be able to share with my spouse.

I understand that Dive Operations are under pressure to stack tourists to pay bills but I am now significantly pissed about how this went down, no offense to the instructor who did the best that she could.

go to Ft. Lauderdale to Aqui Watersports. Talk to Ryan @custureri . He is a top notch instruction who is also excellent at addressing psychological obstacles. I can guarantee it.

You should be upset as there were gross violations there,

 

[Seaweed Doc]

Kudos for you for not pressuring or shaming. As an instructor, my spidey senses go off when somebody tells me their husband/parents/child is/are divers and that's why they want to get into it. Most fail. It's really got to be her motivation for herself. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you or want to be with you. It just means that's not going to get her through certification. She's got to want it herself.

That said, my wife doesn't SCUBA but is an avid skindiver. So on vacation we do a lot of skindiving and I disappear for a couple mornings for SCUBA.

 

[Bob DBF]

I now suspect she will not follow through and I have no intention of pressuring or shaming. I kind of want to know how I can now dive and make that a part of our vacations without being that person. Yes I am bummed out about another potential pastime I may not be able to share with my spouse.

My wife is not a diver, and not interested, like Seaweed Doc, we arrange our vacation schedule so I can get in a few a dives. I do local diving so if I don't dive much on vacation it's no big deal.

With the right instructor, she might change her mind, but diving does not appeal to everyone.

 

[rjgiddings]

Got certified w/ my wife (now ex-wife) back in Jan 2000 - we did one dive together- in Catalina and it was not her thing. Never did another dive with her. And it was fine, we did other stuff on vacations like snorkeling and swimming.

 

[AngusHDay]

Kudos for you for not pressuring or shaming. As an instructor, my spidey senses go off when somebody tells me their husband/parents/child is/are divers and that's why they want to get into it. Most fail. It's really got to be her motivation for herself. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you or want to be with you. It just means that's not going to get her through certification. She's got to want it herself.

That said, my wife doesn't SCUBA but is an avid skindiver. So on vacation we do a lot of skindiving and I disappear for a couple mornings for SCUBA.

I get that. Sort of feeling some guilt of my own for having charged ahead and gotten my Cert though I suspect that is ridiculous. My main goal at the moment is not to do anything that might put her further off yet still enjoy when I go for a Sunday-Funday dive. Not sure about how the vacation concept will sort out.