Looking for help for person scared by Discover Scuba experience

[Lorenzoid]

I've already brought that [private DSD] up.

Then I think you've done all you can and should do. If she brings it up again, great. If not, maybe let it be. If someone feels the siren song of the ocean (or lake) calling them--like scuba is something they have long wanted to try--they're still going to pursue that calling even after a crappy DSD experience. To put it another way, if a crappy DSD experience is enough to deter someone, maybe it wasn't their thing in the first place. A private DSD might have been the way to go in the beginning, but you couldn't have known that. Even then, I am getting the feeling that diving never would have been her thing.

My first wife was a trouper and did the OW course with me, and we duly spent one day diving on the trip to Australia we had been planning. But she really did not like the amount of gear and preparation it took. It never would have become something she wanted to do again and again.

 

[AngusHDay]

Agr

ScubaPro makes good regs, however, if improperly serviced, they may not perform up to their full potential. If you are relaxed, you breath at a much slower rate and make less demands for air. A stressed person will breath harder. A properly serviced regulator will meet such demands. Again, I wasn't there, just identifying this as a possibility. What seemed fine to you, unless you replicated her breathing pattern, you may not notice it becoming difficult to breath.

Agreed, she just told me she wasn't having trouble with it and I saw her exhaust bubbles when she was using it. That brings up another issue which was that close to zero attention was placed on weighting. Frankly, I'm impressed now that we made it back to the beach, LOL. Just thinking of all the little bits that I know now.

 

[Esprise Me]

Guess my goal is to not have that be a rock in the road of (to date) 31 years of marriage. I think I have my plan laid out just trolling(friendly) for anything I might have missed.

Makes perfect sense. And I commend your openness to different approaches (helping her vs letting her be, as opposed to just seeking tips for how to get her certified).

I think it would be best to quietly look into some low-bar-to-entry ways for her to pick it up again, if she chooses, and just keep those in your back pocket without bringing it up again. And, here's the tricky part: if she does bring it up herself, stay cool. Don't be a freshly-burst dam of enthusiasm.
Her: You know, seeing those pictures you took kind of makes me want to try diving again.
You (ideally): That'd be great! Want to try a DSD at Local Dive Shop's pool and see how it feels?
You (if you want to send her scurrying far from any body of water deeper than the kitchen sink): Fantastic! I've told everyone on Scubaboard about your problem and researched the 20 different instructors they recommended, and here's what I've figured out. First we get on a plane to Florida...
[hours later]
Now as for wetsuits, I'll go ahead and order you a Henderson Aqualock...

While you wait for her to probably never ask for the info you've squirreled away, go ahead with your own diving. Don't feel guilty for getting certified without her, and don't feel bad about spending time apart. Plan your free time in a way that she doesn't feel like you're abandoning her to go dive by prioritizing your "together" activities and being fully present during them. Also be sure you materially (not just verbally) support her getting to do things without you, whether that means budgeting for a weekend girls' trip (while you hold down the fort, not just when you're going to be gone anyway), or making dinner *and* doing the dishes on her book club nights. Express your gratitude for her support of your diving. Be honest with yourself and with her about what a good compromise really entails, and be willing to hear that your "perfect" plan actually isn't perfect for her.
You: It's an all-inclusive resort with above-water basket weaving, not just underwater, so there's something for both of us!
Her: I hate baskets. And I don't want to weave with strangers.
You: But...but...

Best of luck to you!

 

[Alaskan Scuba Dude]

Respect your wife's discretion. Go on vacation with friends who dive.

 

[AngusHDay]

I want to thank everyone for their input. I have my plan which involves continuing to look for opportunities to dive along with local Funday-Sunday dives and waiting to see if anything changes without me bringing it up. The private DSD suggestion is still my favorite response I think probably because I don't have many diving friends...yet, but the real issue is not me but someone I care deeply for and my inability to do anything proactive to fix a problem. Some problems are just not solvable in that manner.
Again, thanks to everybody for your responses!

 

[brsnow]

I dive most days while on vacation with my family. My wife likes to relax and read on the beach in the morning so it works out. I typically do a 2 tank early boat and back around lunch. My daughters are showing an interest which is great and we as a family spend a lot of time in the water in general doing different activities.

For people with discomfort with claustrophobics scuba diving can be extremely scary.

 

[Belzelbub]

I agree with the suggestion for private DSD or private OW if that's what is wanted. Definitely wouldn't push it. Be prepared that it may not happen at all. That doesn't necessarily mean the end of the world as far as vacations go.

My wife doesn't dive, but my kids do. My wife enjoys going out on the boat, so that works for us. That can be a bit more challenging for charter dives, though. So I could see this could be an issue if you go on vacation to a location, and you head off to the dive boat for much of the trip. An alternative might be doing a snorkel trip at a warm location. If it's in a nice location with lots of life, that might be what she needs to decide to take that next step. Or, maybe not.

 

[Chavodel8en]

Hello Angus,

My wife doesn't dive. I am luck in that I have Monterey 2 hours away, so I go dive locally every month or so.

You mentioned about vacation might be a problem. You will see people post about glorious scuba destination vacations where they dive every day, all day & night. That is not me, and maybe wont be you. Like you, I am conscientious of sharing vacation time w/ my wife. But diving can be done.

Last 6 day vacation in La Paz, Mex, I had one morning of diving. 8 days in Barcelona/Catalonia, I had one morning of diving. 7 days Cancun/Playa del Carmen, I had two mornings of diving. I wish I could dive more, but I also wish I could spend time doing other fun stuff.

It generally works for me to slip away and do a morning of diving - and be back for the afternoon. It takes a little effort some times, but it works. Dive operators prefer more than just one-offs, but I've always managed to book dives.

And if your wife ends up getting certified, so much the better.

 

[The Ruttmeister]

I just want to echo people's advice for 1-on-1.

I got my OW a few years ago but wasn't super comfortable or confident in the water.
Last year I spent a week in Bonaire, just 3 of us diving, but 1 was an instructor. He wasn't there to work, but was willing to spend the time in coaching and checked off the skills and paperwork so I got my AOW.
And that time has left me feeling much more comfortable in the water.
I still guzzle air like a hyperventilating elephant, but that comes with time.

The coaching and time just able to relax in really easy diving sites really helped.

Now my problem is trying to find the time to take more trips!

 

[KatieMac]

It always shocks me when there are that many people learning with one instructor.

I was the only person during my OW and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I think it would be well worth the money to pay for private classes/dives