Lonely old lady needs feedback

[drbill]

Ah Nehallenia... I was just teasing. Give it time to develop a bit first. Am I old fashioned? A bit. There goes my stud status on SB. I've never had a one night stand in my life. The one time that was a possibility, I drove 350 miles back to her house and stayed with her for a week. Endorphins, sigh!

Dr. Bill

 

[Walter]

if he’s interested he’ll let you know.

Not necessarily. Many guys are so afraid of rejection, they won't let you know how they feel unless you give them a green light first. You can't be subtle, guys don't understand subtle.

Remember that guys aren’t mysterious, they typically aren’t hesitant to pursue what they want or who they want. They “Go For It” so if there is anything vague here it is not by mistake.

Again, I disagree. While this is true of some, it's not of others. Some won't make a move for fear you're not available, others for fear you aren't attracted to them and some for both reasons.

My real question here was, what am I doing being attracted, very attracted, to someone I don't really find attractive.

I do not understand that at all. You either are attracted or you are not. Maybe you're attracted to someone you wouldn't expect to get your juices flowing?

 

[Raven C]

Not necessarily. Many guys are so afraid of rejection, they won't let you know how they feel unless you give them a green light first. You can't be subtle, guys don't understand subtle.

Exactly. That's what I was talking about. She said she emailed him and let me know - so now he knows there was something going on. So I took that as the "green light" to move on.

Again, I disagree. While this is true of some, it's not of others. Some won't make a move for fear you're not available, others for fear you aren't attracted to them and some for both reasons.

Once again my theory is based on the man knowing that you are interested. That way there's no fear that you're not available and they know that you are, for whatever reason, attracted to them.

And, Walter, I do know you're in a class all of your own.

R


BTW Dr. Bill, you're such a James Bond; you know that don't you?

 

[Mako Mark]

I am not sure I want this dude! .

There is only one way to find out and I believe that it involves Tequila.

Anyway, we are emailing back and forth on a semi-regular basis, think I have a good and interesting friend if nothing else - .

keep it up,

Am I old fashioned? A bit. There goes my stud status on SB.
Dr. Bill

Nope

I've never had a one night stand in my life.

There goes your stud status.

I drove 350 miles back to her house and stayed with her for a week.

wrong again, you just got it back.

.

You can't be subtle, guys don't understand subtle.

Yes, use the frying pan method.

 

[NOVIZWHIZ]

One of the weirdest things I have ever had happen to me happened about 15 years ago...I met a girl (she came to work for us) and it was almost instantly like we knew each other. She's a tall slinky bonde, very cute. We still work together, are both happily married to other people (and were at the time we met), no hanky panky...just instant good friends....like we've known each other from before...she'll walk up..or I will - grab the others hand, little quick hug...like it's the most natural thing in the world. My wife laughingly calls her my girlfriend....

 

[Nehallenia]

There is only one way to find out and I believe that it involves Tequila.
.

A little Tequila and I'd be attracted YOU, Mark!

 

[Nehallenia]

Not necessarily. Many guys are so afraid of rejection, they won't let you know how they feel unless you give them a green light first. You can't be subtle, guys don't understand subtle.



Again, I disagree. While this is true of some, it's not of others. Some won't make a move for fear you're not available, others for fear you aren't attracted to them and some for both reasons.



I do not understand that at all. You either are attracted or you are not. Maybe you're attracted to someone you wouldn't expect to get your juices flowing?

I think that last statement is close to the truth - not the type who usually gets my attention. It was a bit of role reversal too, as in the past in relationships I was the one cuing into the other person's needs and meeting them; this person seemed to cue into MY needs! Eeek! Exposure, loss of control, save me! I have been the caretaker in all of my relationships, as a single mother am a full-time caretaker - and very independent, after being totally controlled by someone else for more than a decade. Maybe someone cuing into my needs is threatening to me: you know my weaknesses, and can control me with them. However, I am so tired and stressed that someone offering to meet my needs is totally seductive - you don't even need Tequila, just be nice to me and I'm yours! So I have the exhausted part of me welcoming the prospect of an endorphin fix, the independent part of me giving off a five-alarm danger warning, and the commitment part of me saying "how are you going to feel about this in the morning"? Anyway, he is good and safe and far away now, so I am left to mull it over with you guys!

Let's forget about it, and go diving! If you can stand the cold . . .

 

[Nomaster]

Not necessarily. Many guys are so afraid of rejection, they won't let you know how they feel unless you give them a green light first. You can't be subtle, guys don't understand subtle.

Again, I disagree. While this is true of some, it's not of others. Some won't make a move for fear you're not available, others for fear you aren't attracted to them and some for both reasons.

I do not understand that at all. You either are attracted or you are not. Maybe you're attracted to someone you wouldn't expect to get your juices flowing?

Three out of three!
EXCELLENT!

Tom

 

[Nomaster]

... Anyway, he is good and safe and far away now, so I am left to mull it over with you guys!

Let's forget about it, and go diving! If you can stand the cold . . .

And now you use my devices; too young, too old, too accomplished, too attractive, too intelligent, too simple, too complex, too busy, too single, too married, too distant, too close, too, too, too.
Excuses? I got 'em.
God I love the safe ones!

Tom

 

[Nehallenia]

And now you use my devices; too young, too old, too accomplished, too attractive, too intelligent, too simple, too complex, too busy, too single, too married, too distant, too close, too, too, too.
Excuses? I got 'em.
God I love the safe ones!

Tom

That wasn't an excuse - it is reality. If I really wanted to be with this person, no obstacle would keep me from trying to achieve that goal. I feel ambivalent about the prospect of a long-term relationship with this person, but struggle with just exactly what it was about him that made consider the prospect of physical intimacy for its own sake, and also made me miss him so much after he left (and it wasn't his looks).