Lonely old lady needs feedback

[drbill]

The Green Party? Why according to the debate, there's only one party that is strong on the environment (note I didn't identify the party or person).

Thank you Nehallenia for the concern. Xiaoyan is fine... even made it to a concert miles away from Tokyo yesterday despite the storms. I'm going to call her in 15 minutes to surprise her since she is working at home today (Monday is a holiday there as well).

Hope everyone had a great weekend... and was able to dive! I only got two in myself before getting visually assaulted by the Hooter's girls (see Dandy Don's thread on young women who are crazy enought to be attracted to old farts like him and me).

Time to edit the weekend's video...

Dr. Bill

 

[Nomaster]

Tokyo just got pelted with another typhoon, the worst in ten years. It's been a record here there for typhoons. Same with Florida. Hmmm.

Dr. B.

Yep, it cut my weekend short on the East Coast of Korea.
Beautiful wave action, but the boats couldn't go out through the surf.

Tom

 

[Mako Mark]

this is clarified? Mark??

I dont think I was referring to "active chasing" per se, rather to making the signals very clear.

Remember, men respond to hints and subtle signals like they respond to that mouldy bits of cheese and cauliflower at the back of the fridge.. They dont even see them.

I recommend the frying pan method:

An appropriate plunging neckline (or short skirt) to display your features and benifits.

an apropriate dab of scent to activate pheremone receptors

a descreet hand on the arm while he is telling a story to show that physical boundarys are negotiable.

Etc etc.

All I am saying is that you need to make it patently obvious to him that he has your permission to take the initiative or make the first move.

This is a very different thing form "chasing guys" which brings images of big haired, overly made up middle aged women, squeezing themselves into undersized sequined dresses, who prowl singles bars looking for their next victim like a hyena looks for its next rotting buffalo carcass.

men hate feeling like a rotting buffalo carcass!

 

[Nehallenia]

I dont think I was referring to "active chasing" per se, rather to making the signals very clear.

Remember, men respond to hints and subtle signals like they respond to that mouldy bits of cheese and cauliflower at the back of the fridge.. They dont even see them.

I recommend the frying pan method:

An appropriate plunging neckline (or short skirt) to display your features and benifits.

an apropriate dab of scent to activate pheremone receptors

a descreet hand on the arm while he is telling a story to show that physical boundarys are negotiable.

Etc etc.

All I am saying is that you need to make it patently obvious to him that he has your permission to take the initiative or make the first move.

This is a very different thing form "chasing guys" which brings images of big haired, overly made up middle aged women, squeezing themselves into undersized sequined dresses, who prowl singles bars looking for their next victim like a hyena looks for its next rotting buffalo carcass.

men hate feeling like a rotting buffalo carcass!

LOL! I am so glad you are back, Mark, and have cleared this up. I certainly wouldn't want to make anyone feel like a rotting buffalo carcass!

 

[Raven C]

I am telling you, I can't figure out if this Southern guy liked me or pitied me or what!

Well, since you’ve opened yourself up here publicly for comments….

I’ve been reading this and in some ways relating and at times saying “give me a break.” Look, Guys don’t work that way. I don’t care how women want to twist this whole thing, if he’s interested he’ll let you know. If you’ve emailed him twice then wait to hear from him. You’ve pursued all you should. Let it lie. If he contacts you then great for you; if not - free your mind and waste your time on something more important. Go after someone else, something else.

I can relate to your X-Syndrome. For many years I was with some who “loved me more than anything” and hurt me more than anyone. EVER. I was a very strong person before I married him and he tore me down something awful. I became a subservient servant to him and was criticized for looking bad and for looking good. Yada Yada He was a very mean person. The one person I wanted to love me treated me like crap. When I finally got free of that, the damage was so great that I didn’t even know who the real me was anymore. It took someone else totally tearing me apart before I could even begin to rise from the ashes to reclaim me. I am a stronger person now. I have learned to appreciate me; to feel like I can do it. I also once made a deal with someone to love like we've never been hurt before -- that didn't work either. It's great in theory but.... I still love like that but that doesn't mean I am so stupid in love as I once was.

So here, I am gonna slap a bit of reality into you… REPEAT AFTER ME – I am smart! I am fun! I am attractive! I am a great person. Hold your head up and learn to like yourself. Don’t look to a man to get self gratification or appreciation. Like yourself. It’s O.K. to Go For It, whatever IT is; just don’t forget to figure out what you want from or out of IT.

Remember that guys aren’t mysterious, they typically aren’t hesitant to pursue what they want or who they want. They “Go For It” so if there is anything vague here it is not by mistake. He’s being vague on purpose. You’ve contacted him and now he’s aware. If he doesn’t do anything about it then don’t bother any more.

This advice is hard to take and some might even call it harsh, make no mistake about it – it’s real and honest and correct. Guys, I am right - aren’t I? YES, Raven you are. Guys don’t think “well, maybe I should make her chase me.” NOPE. They don’t. They might like the attention but they are putting you off for any good or real reason. If they want what you lay out they will take it. Too many times women make excuses for why guys don’t call, why they act like they do. Men aren’t that complex. They really aren’t. If he’s non committal, then he’s not that interested. That’s not to say that now that he knows you are interested then he might follow suite but if he wants you, he’ll let you know.

There’s something important to understand about going for what you want – remember that you are too important to become a chaser. You don’t need to be a chaser. Going after what you want doesn’t mean that you become pathetic, needy, obsessive… a chaser. To truly go after what you want, you must know that you want it, that it is really worth wanting and don’t sacrifice yourself to get it because it ain’t worth that. To go after what you want, you have to be strong, confident in yourself. And if whom you go after is worth YOU then he’ll step up and you will meet each other. One won’t follow or chase down the other because that’s not right either. The RIGHT relationship should meet. Don’t misunderstand leaning his or her way or the art of compromise. Do KNOW that it shouldn’t be one sided.

So there. Good luck. Sorry if this sounded too harsh. I guess it is the masculine side of me showing through. R

 

[Nehallenia]

Well, since you’ve opened yourself up here publicly for comments….

I’ve been reading this and in some ways relating and at times saying “give me a break.” Look, Guys don’t work that way. I don’t care how women want to twist this whole thing, if he’s interested he’ll let you know. If you’ve emailed him twice then wait to hear from him. You’ve pursued all you should. Let it lie. If he contacts you then great for you; if not - free your mind and waste your time on something more important. Go after someone else, something else.

I can relate to your X-Syndrome. For many years I was with some who “loved me more than anything” and hurt me more than anyone. EVER. I was a very strong person before I married him and he tore me down something awful. I became a subservient servant to him and was criticized for looking bad and for looking good. Yada Yada He was a very mean person. The one person I wanted to love me treated me like crap. When I finally got free of that, the damage was so great that I didn’t even know who the real me was anymore. It took someone else totally tearing me apart before I could even begin to rise from the ashes to reclaim me. I am a stronger person now. I have learned to appreciate me; to feel like I can do it. I also once made a deal with someone to love like we've never been hurt before -- that didn't work either. It's great in theory but.... I still love like that but that doesn't mean I am so stupid in love as I once was.

So here, I am gonna slap a bit of reality into you… REPEAT AFTER ME – I am smart! I am fun! I am attractive! I am a great person. Hold your head up and learn to like yourself. Don’t look to a man to get self gratification or appreciation. Like yourself. It’s O.K. to Go For It, whatever IT is; just don’t forget to figure out what you want from or out of IT.

Remember that guys aren’t mysterious, they typically aren’t hesitant to pursue what they want or who they want. They “Go For It” so if there is anything vague here it is not by mistake. He’s being vague on purpose. You’ve contacted him and now he’s aware. If he doesn’t do anything about it then don’t bother any more.

This advice is hard to take and some might even call it harsh, make no mistake about it – it’s real and honest and correct. Guys, I am right - aren’t I? YES, Raven you are. Guys don’t think “well, maybe I should make her chase me.” NOPE. They don’t. They might like the attention but they are putting you off for any good or real reason. If they want what you lay out they will take it. Too many times women make excuses for why guys don’t call, why they act like they do. Men aren’t that complex. They really aren’t. If he’s non committal, then he’s not that interested. That’s not to say that now that he knows you are interested then he might follow suite but if he wants you, he’ll let you know.

There’s something important to understand about going for what you want – remember that you are too important to become a chaser. You don’t need to be a chaser. Going after what you want doesn’t mean that you become pathetic, needy, obsessive… a chaser. To truly go after what you want, you must know that you want it, that it is really worth wanting and don’t sacrifice yourself to get it because it ain’t worth that. To go after what you want, you have to be strong, confident in yourself. And if whom you go after is worth YOU then he’ll step up and you will meet each other. One won’t follow or chase down the other because that’s not right either. The RIGHT relationship should meet. Don’t misunderstand leaning his or her way or the art of compromise. Do KNOW that it shouldn’t be one sided.

So there. Good luck. Sorry if this sounded too harsh. I guess it is the masculine side of me showing through. R

You are OK, I can take the harsh ( I went diving today in 12 degree C water with 6 feet visibility, a total bottom time of and hour and a quarter over two dives; I can take anything). I empathize with your X-files - I was strong, independent early in the relationship - became disgusted with who I had become, but had forgotten who I was.

I am not sure I want this dude! My real question here was, what am I doing being attracted, very attracted, to someone I don't really find attractive.

Anyway, we are emailing back and forth on a semi-regular basis, think I have a good and interesting friend if nothing else - and that may be all I want from this person. Just don't get me drunk and send me home with him . . .

 

[drbill]

Well, I vote for getting drunk and going home with him. But what would I know.... I'm sitting here at the keyboard having had several glasses of sake after editing my video presentation for a dive club next week. I feel relaxed since with that effort almost completed, I can feel free diving Fri-Sat-Sun. Ah the simple pleasures of life... sake, diving and a beautiful (inside and outside) woman.

Nehallenia- you must decide what the basis for this attraction is. At least it sounds like it could develop into a nice friendship... and that is nice, and could even be the basis for something more in the future.

Now where did I put that bottle of sake?

Dr. Bill

 

[Nomaster]

Well, since you’ve opened yourself up here publicly for comments….

I can relate to your X-Syndrome.

...love like we've never been hurt before .... I still love like that but that doesn't mean I am so stupid in love as I once was.

The RIGHT relationship should meet. Don’t misunderstand leaning his or her way or the art of compromise. Do KNOW that it shouldn’t be one sided.

So there. Good luck. Sorry if this sounded too harsh. I guess it is the masculine side of me showing through. R

I must print and study this until I really understand it!
Mostly great stuff. No. All great stuff. The points I would modify would weaken the data stream.
Who am I? Who was I? Maybe the second question is no longer relevant, I should replace it with "Who am I becoming?"

Tom

 

[Nehallenia]

Maybe the second question is no longer relevant, I should replace it with "Who am I becoming?"

Tom

Ah!! Exactly! And what choices do I make to become who I really want to be?

 

[Nehallenia]

Well, I vote for getting drunk and going home with him.

I really thought this over, drbill! And couldn't come to a conclusion. Still a little afraid anyone I let into my life will automatically take it over, and start telling me how to dress, what to eat, who I should like, etc. A little afraid I couldn't be mature about a one-night stand at this point in my life, too. Endrophins are so addictive. I might not be able to let go, even if that is appropriate.