Kids!!!!!!!!!

[O-ring]

you don't know the reason God put you here on earth until you have your own children.

Everyone has a right to his/her opinion, but I don't think you were "put on this earth" to procreate. Let's face it, there are already population problems and if someone doesn't want to have children, they shouldn't.

IMHO, too many people that shouldn't have children do because they think that is what they are "supposed" to do when married. I wish we could get out of this type of thinking...if someone wants children, is willing to make the sacrifices that children bring, and is committed to being the best parent possible, then they should have children. The others should just skip it and do whatever else they like to do and leave the parenting to the real parents.

 

[gem1]

To O-ring:

paraphrase from "Catch 22"

YOU CAN'T SEE THE FLIES IN YOUR EYES, BECAUSE YOU HAVE FLIES IN YOUR EYES!

:box:

 

[Kat]

There seems to be four ( maybe more, I'm not sure) types of thought on having kids.
1. Loves kids & can't wait to have them.
2. Hates/dislikes kids & never wants to have kids.
3. Thinks they hate/dislike kids, only to find out that it's the best thing to ever happen to them.
4. Thinks they hate/dislikes kids, only to find out that they were right, but now they are saddled w/ responsibilities they don't want.
OK, theres more than four...
5. Thinks they love kids & can't wait to have them, only to be saddled w/ responsibilities they don't want.

Nobody ever said life was easy. But since you have total control over your reproductive choices, just make sure you pick the choice that is right for you, at this point in your life.

I don't believe just because someone doesn't want kids that means they are an imature, self centered person.

 

[O-ring]

don't believe just because someone doesn't want kids that means they are an imature, self centered person.

Unfortunately, sometimes these pearls of wisdom are often lost/wasted on people with extremely narrow minds...or flies in their eyes, if you will...

 

[gem1]

I seem to have misrepresenting myself with my burbling.

I am in total agreement with Kat. I was a #3 type person, which was the point I was making to Jep. It is possible to have his antipathy for children and yet find out there is a different you when that child is yours.

I do not think a person who does not want children should reproduce, just the opposite. Neither am I small minded enough to think that anyone who disagrees with me is automatically wrong. I am assertive, but can be convinced by good arguement.

Nothing in my posts was said about immature, I mentioned self-centered, but almost by definition, a single person is bound to be more self-centered. (maybe a topic for a new thread?). Jep said,
"more kids = less diving", fortunately for him his parents thought otherwise. I don't disagree with anything Jep said, he just perked my juices into adding my 2 cents worth.

Flies in the eyes was intended to be an ironic and humorous poke to say that ones viewpoint (alas, even mine) can be clouded by your own opinions.

 

[O-ring]

It is possible to have his antipathy for children and yet find out there is a different you when that child is yours.

So should you risk having one in this case and hope that you love it because it is yours or should you abstain because you don't think you will really enjoy being a parent??

 

[Spectre]

Kat once bubbled...
There seems to be four ( maybe more, I'm not sure) types of thought on having kids.
[...]
I don't believe just because someone doesn't want kids that means they are an imature, self centered person.

There are many, many reasons, from overpopulation beliefs all the way down to self-centered reasons.

Another one to add to your list:
6. Likes kids, but is responsible enough to know they aren't responsible enough to own a dog, let alone children.

 

[KBeck]

Spectre, your post regarding option 6 is often overlooked, and rarely understood.

At 28, I have personally come to the opinion that I do not want children. This opinion seems to be met with a lot of resistance...amusingly, usually by those already "blessed" with their own children.

I have had a great many people love to tell me how I'll change my mind when I get married, etc and settle down, blah blah blah.....but, (at risk of sounding mean) I don't ever say to people who DO want/have children (and I have LOTS of pregnant friends these days), hey, once you have them you'll change your mind! Grrr!

Why exactly is it that if you know you do not want children and don't intend to have them, that you must be selfish, young, self-centered (pick an adjective), and of course, my favorite, immature?
I just don't understand why it is immature to know that you are not interested in the day to day activity of raising children. That making a conscious, informed, decision to not create a life is less responsible than someone who maybe accidentally went into parenthood, or my favorite, parents who walk away from their children because they figured out after the fact that maybe it's not so much fun after all.

So, yes, I guess it angers me a great deal to be berated and looked at as an "incomplete" woman because I don't have the motherly instinct, and <gasp> actually like being childless.

Am I selfish? Absolutely. Am I impatient? Very much. Am I unsuited to be a parent? Possibly.

But....

Am I immature? Absolutely not. At 28, I already own my first home (on one income, thanks very much). I have zero credit card debt (unlike many people my age), own my car, etc. I like to think I am highly regarded in my profession, and I have received several promotions in the past few years.

But I like to believe that it's the fact that I know myself well, that I have responsibly considered all of the pros and cons of parenthood, and have elected the non-parenting option. And if that isn't showing some amount of maturity, then please proove to me how.

Ok, thanks for allowing the rant. I just wanted to get a view point out there that so often gets pooh-poohed by others.

 

[O-ring]

Maturity has nothing to do with it..

Let's take this one further and make it more interesting. I am of the opinion that part of the sacrifice of having children is that one parent stays home and raises the child or the couple takes turns...period. At the very least, especially in the case of a single parent, a dedicated nanny with the proper education and demeanor should be employed so the kid doesn't end up being raised by a team of teenagers and incompetent daycare workers. Maybe someone can enlighten me...do proper daycare centers exist? I know when I was growing up they were full of cretins and were hardly the place for a child to learn and grow.

This daycare business is a semi-copout and allows those not willing to make the proper sacrifice and do it right a way to have kids and not deal with them except weekends and a couple hours a day. It is akin to the TV babysitter...

Thoughts?

 

[gem1]

O-ring once bubbled...

So should you risk having one in this case and hope that you love it because it is yours or should you abstain because you don't think you will really enjoy being a parent??

The obvious answer would be "One should abstain because of the doubts about parenthood." And in the vast majority of cases from the standpoint of the parent(s) this is probably true. But try this on for size.

My biological father sired me then said, "to heck with this, I don't want to be restricted." Despite my reluctant parent, I managed to get to adulthood well adjusted and successful. Had he abstained, I would not be here to argue the viewpoint of the child. Nevertheless, (or perhaps because of my experience), I believe FIRMLY that parenthood should only be entered into willingly and with firm intentions for the future of the child.:flys:

P.S. No it is not self-centered or immature to not want kids.
It is self-centered to not even know which childred you
have spawned.