Kids!!!!!!!!!

[coreyh]

I think what you choose and how you manage the surprises are two different things. I don't choose to have children, but I am the guardian of my nephew if anything should happen to his parents. I would love him and raise him to the best of my ability. I think that we have to make very tough decisions in all arenas of life when things happen unexpectedly, but that doesn't change the fact that we take steps to live according to some general plan based on our morals/beliefs/understandings/whims.

Not to equate a child to a car wreck, but...I try to drive safely and wear my seat belt, but if broadsided I would try to do the best I could as a paraplegic. We plan, but then we deal. (Note: the planning is the important part, it is reprehensible to know you are not ready for children, then to screw everything in sight with no protection. The only sympathy there is for the kid)

I don't know what I would do if faced with the choice you describe, but I think everyone would be better off if people are honest with themselves and others about the sacrifices and responsibilities they are prepared for. I think more damage is done by a father (or mother for that matter) who pops in and out of a child's life without being able to admit they want nothing to do with them, than one who knows it and removes themself from the situation.

I am not even going to begin to get into issues of legal responsibility like child support, etc. That is a whole different kettle of fish.

 

[wreckchick]

There are so many variables as to what I would do if I turned up pregnant after taking all the proper precautions I cannot even begin to comment on what I would do.

As to the work aspect, I have found that parents are often cut a great deal of slack when review time comes around. I would NEVER question a parent's decision to choose family over work. I have a family too, let's not forget that. The problem, as I see it, is not that I have to cover for the parent-coworker, it's that I'm perceived as selfish if I don't wanna do it!

R

 

[wreckchick]

Who said anything about termination??????

Have you heard of adoption? Thanks for being open-minded!!!!

R

P.S. I don't want your kids, have I not made myself clear?

 

[Big-t-2538]

I have a kid (yikes!!!)...wasn't planned, wasn't sure how I would react.

I love my daughter to death, there isn't anything in the world I wouldn't do for her or her mother (we're not married yet).

Have I changed some...yeah, I have stopped going to the bar 4 nights a week and staying out till 3AM, but I haven't dropped doing anything I still love to do. I still toss darts, I still help with SCUBA, yeah, I still help coach the swim team, and in my spare time, I watch the race on Sunday.

As for work...most places don't care if you say 'well, I have to get home, but I have a computer there too!!!, I will finish up my work there and have it on your desk tomorrow morning'. granted this doesn't cover all situations, but how often do you have to be at work to actually be working on your presentation/project/whatever.

Anway, that's my take on kids...hell maybe I'll have another one.

 

[Kat]

It seems the working mom is not just another choice, but a requirement to survive. I know very few stay at home moms (1) And she can stay home because her husband makes boatloads of money. I know alot of moms who want to stay home w/ the kids but can not because a second income is a must have.
When I was married my husband worked days & I worked nights. It was a great arrangement for the kids, they never went to day care. I was very proud of that. But the situation was hard on the marriage. We saw very little of each other.
Which actually wasn't such a bad thing

It is wrong f/ the person w/ no children to get the work piled on them, when mom has to go home early f/ an unexpected emergency. I'm lucky because at both my jobs, we are all moms & will cover f/ each other bacause we might need a favor too.

 

[Barracuda2]

sparky30 once bubbled...
I think most parents wait too long to discipline their kids, so they kids have absolutely no respect for them... I think kids need to know/learn that their parents are an authority figure from a very early age.. Its not something you can build/fix later..
I saw some kids playing in traffic a few days ago and the mother laucnhed into an argument with them and told then not to do it.. repeatedly.. and they wouldn't listen.. I don't think small children can reason.. they may not understand why their are not supposed to do something.. . but they can be taught that what their parents say goes.. without an arguments.. That way you can keep the entire dicipline/timeoout/spanking/whatever thing to a minimum... they'll just behave to begin with.. They'll clue in soon enough that their parents are not prefect.. but by that time they are older and can make their own decisions..
Anyway.. considering I don't have kids I'm really no authority... I'll just stick with diving

For not having any kids, you show much wisdom--Kids want an authority figure (leader) in their lives (if the parent isn't it, somone will be---Ozzy Ozborn?---- and they want boundaries--there is freedom in boundaries--knowing "this far and no farther" brings stability and peace to a child. If they don't know their boundaries (rules and consequences) they will push until someone sets them and tells them "enough is enough". A child must know that the parents' word is LAW at an early age---Starting at 1.5 yrs. is not too early. You cannot negotiate or reason with a child. Children are told "what to do" - teens, if they're ready are told "why" Most teens will internalize positive behavior when given the reasons. A child only knows that "he can't get his way" and will do anything to usurp the authority of the parent if allowed to do so. He/she gives a rip as to why you set down a standard for them to follow. Once the authority is established in the child's life, everything else will fall into place and life can be a joy to the parent/s In a class I teach, when I tell parents that they can tell their children to do something and the child will do it immediately without complaint the first time told, they look at me with unbelief because they have fallen into the trap of allowing their children to be an equal in the household. They wonder why their kid is a debater, argumentitive, mouthy, and disobedient until threatened with physical force. That's called negative training; the kid is trained that he doesn't have to obey until the threat.

my $.02

Barracuda2

 

[Amanda]

Opinion (on kids) is like an arse : everybody has one.

 

[Kat]

Very well said, Barracuda2 I couldn't agree more.

 

[landlocked]

O-ring once bubbled...
Everyone has a right to his/her opinion, but I don't think you were "put on this earth" to procreate. ...

But YOU were. And by the way, your getting old enough to be getting on with it!

Honestly, I think you all have made a great case for abstention. If you put it in the correct order, find someone, fall in love, get married, then have children. This is all a lot of moot discussion.

I would suggest that you look at the children decision from the other end of life. I spent a couple of years in the early seveties in Berlin. At the time Berlin was about 50% old widows from WWII. I got to meet and become friends with a lot of them. One thing that was very apparent, even to a young man such as myself, is that the old people with children were happy; the ones without were miserable. There are only two things that will give your life any meaning, the way that you treat other people and your family. "No success in life can ever compensate for failure in the home." That includes chosing not to have one. (Other rules apply for those that don't have a family for reasons other than "I didn't want to.")

Get the order right, have a family, take responsibility for your family, find joy.

Get the order wrong, make selfish decisions, run out on your responsibilities, find misery.

There are really only two choices: joy or misery.

And ya'll thought life was complicated.

 

[O-ring]

But YOU were. And by the way, your getting old enough to be getting on with it!

This is exactly the type of thinking that I think is dangerous. You shouldn't just have children because you are a certain age and that is what you are supposed to do! You should have children because you want them and would enjoy being a parent.

I don't think you need children to be happy...the people with no hobbies, interests, friends, and other pasttimes are the ones that NEED to have children to give their lives meaning. The same thing happens with single parents sometimes...they put 100% into raising their child and then the child goes off to college leaving the parent with misery as his/her only companion.

I consider my buddies kind of like an extended family...there is no "void" that I need to fill by having children, so why do it? IMHO, I can be happy without them.