Just finished the worst dive trip ever.

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Fortunately most of the other divers I've run into on my trips have been great people and fun to chat with. Obnoxious ones haven't been a frequent obstacle to my enjoyment.
 
We invited a couple two years ago to dive in COZ..at the last minute, the wife had to back out. The hubby came and was a massive high maintenance guy in and out of the water....I lived with it for the week, but he'll never again travel with us....my wife said I was extra special to his special needs :)
 
I could not allow someone to ruin a dive trip I paid for. As I have gotten older I understand I will never see these people again so I have no problem telling them to go away, or I really don't give a shite, or even just a simple stfu, I have paid good money and used my vacation time and nobody will ever make me say " worst dive trip ever". And yes I have been on a boat with " muggles" ( my wife's term for them).
 
Oh boy! Yeah, I’ve run into those types. I used to host a big dive camp out and party every year. A lot of it was internet based and when you do that, a lot of very lonely and akward people will show up!
Yep, one guy who was an “internet local” on a Socal board took us up on the meet and greet. By the time it was over just about everyone wanted to kick this guys ass and they were all looking at me....
Then A few years later after I forgot about it, I ran into the same guy on a liveaboard down in Socal! surprise surprise! I thought I was going to have a nice weekend...guess again.
Amazing how a 65 foot boat can go down to about a 16 foot boat just by who’s on it.
Then to top it off he was the loudest snorer I ever heard. There was no getting away from the guy even when he was asleep!
At least it was just a couple nights.

Like the OP, Any longer and I would have probably jumped over board and swam for it.
 
In more than 300 dive trips, I have rarely met that problem. But that is because I have a great sense of humor and can laugh at those that try to impose their manners on others. All human life is there! I learned from Stan Waterman, who listens patiently and then says, "Good for you!" I was once on a boat in Palau full of various Europeans and one American. The American didn't look as if he was having a good time. I asked the Filipino dive guide who said, Americans don't have a European sense-of-humor. If you can't laugh at yourself, you will be condemned to having a bad experience! Something to think about?
 
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We've mostly met nice people on dive trips, but occasionally you meet bores, talkers, or even jerks! Have you ever been stuck on a boat with a busybody that appoints himself an expert and makes it his business to chastise others about their diving technique? I don't mean quietly taking someone aside and offering helpful information when warranted, I'm talking about a loud, self-appointed, interfering know-it-all.

We were on a boat with one of these guys several years ago. His wife was clueless and dangerous and needed his attention, but he ignored her and watched everyone else and loudly told us whatever we were doing wrong, in his opinion.

Our last dive with him and his wife was a fiasco. It was a rough day and after I jumped into the water I found that I was dangerously close to the hull and being pushed closer by the waves. I know that I should have signaled "okay" to the divemaster on board but I didn't; I quickly moved away from the boat and went straight down because I was really afraid of cracking my head. I did signal okay to my buddy and the divemaster in the water after I submerged, but I recognize that I missed a safety step on the surface.

After the dive when we were back on board, the know-it-all started giving me a dressing down for not signaling okay on the surface. I acknowledged the omission but explained about the danger of hitting my head on the boat but he kept going on about it. I finally told him that it was none of his business and that "it's up to the divemaster to tell me if there is a problem with my technique!"

The irony of the story is that when his wife surfaced after the same dive, it turned out that she had gotten confused after a swim-through and had gone down to 150 ft on Nitrox. She said that she "couldn't figure out what was making all that noise" but it turned out that it was her computer screaming at her! She was furious when the dive op told her that she couldn't dive for the rest of the week. Neither of them came back and the rest of us didn't miss them!
 
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A friend of mine used to keep a special business card in his wallet for handing to problem conversationists. It had a picture of a bull on one side and on the other said something like:
“I consider myself to be an accomplished bullshitter but every know and then I enjoy listening to a true expert- please carry on”
 
If you on a liveaboard and can't seem to find the arsehole, then it's probably you

At least that's how it works on TourBus's
 
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