Instructor molested me on first dive

[I Dive]

Nice... someone that can actually think, rather than simply react to an assumption.

So, anyone who disagrees with you or sees things differently than you do just doesn't know how to think?

 

[TheScubaBOB]

I would ask, so how would this woman prove it to the scubaboard members.
Name the man, name the resort. what kind of minefield would she walk into then.
Come on guys get real.

Honestly, she doesn't need to prove anything to anyone here.

She asked a question, she should get an answer...

She's not walking into a minefield.

The instructor walked into a minefield by taking a student out alone. I plan to eventually be an instructor but I WILL NEVER take a student out one on one unless I knew them and had previous experience with them regardless of their gender but especially if they are female.

As I stated earlier, my wife & 17 year old daughter both got certified this year and such an incident could have never happened to them.

Even if you take the sexual assault element out of the equation, a dive buddy/instructor is a position of great trust. Trust is something that is earned. I have a small group of divers who I consider my "Dive Buddies" and an even smaller group of trusted instructors.

 

[marinediva]

kyphur, you have misread my post.
The minefield she would have walked into is if you had stated the name of the resort and
instructor.
Thanks

 

[TheScubaBOB]

kyphur, you have misread my post.
The minefield she would have walked into is if you had stated the name of the resort and
instructor.
Thanks

Actually, I understood that was what you were saying. I just disagree with it.

That perception is part of the problem. She has the right to express exactly what happened to her and how it made her feel. She even has the right to say who did it and where it happened.

That she {or anyone} feels others would attack or ridicule her for standing up for herself is BS. Sure there are jerks who would say "He was just having a little fun" but they're unimportant. She feels how she feels and if she just shuts it in then she'll continue to be a victim.

What she doesn't have the right to do is assume that he has a history of this behavior or slap labels on him and the place that employs him without giving them a chance to respond.

And nobody here has the right to pass judgement on her for standing up and speaking out.

Do you want to know what will help stop this kind of thing? Breaking down the walls of silence one voice at a time.

 

[marinediva]

kyphur,

If this situation was in Aust, the moment she has made a complaint, she would be unable to state the name of the person or infact talk about the case. That is how our law works.
you know, I feel we are both heading to the same destination, just on different modes of transport.
thanks

 

[TheScubaBOB]

kyphur,

If this situation was in Aust, the moment she has made a complaint, she would be unable to state the name of the person or infact talk about the case. That is how our law works.

In many ways that makes a lot of sense. Public hysteria is retarded when it comes to this subject, unfortuantely the "Wall of Silence" can serve to make people paranoid and see "offenders" around every corner.

you know, I feel we are both heading to the same destination, just on different modes of transport.
thanks

I kind of got that idea also, one of the reasons I wanted to clarify exactly what I meant.

My life, my family, my universe has been touched by these issues from all four sides (victim, family of victim, offender, family of offender) in my generation. Rarely does one have a victim of sexual offense in the family without also having an offender in the family somewhere. I've been involved in victim & offender recovery including reconcilation between victim & their offender.

It's a touchy & difficult matter for everyone involved and most people just don't know how to cope so they strike out in blind rage against the offender simply because they're unsure of how to support the victim. That's the real tragedy, the myth of "there's no recovery from sexual assault". Victims can become survivors and offenders can become recovering offenders. It takes a lot of courage & honesty from everyone for that to happen though.

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

Considering the number of times a post like this appears on scubaboard, I prefer to give the benefit of the doubt to the poster, and offer the support someone in that position would need.
Questions to the validity may remain, but I am happy to just wonder and not express them as I believe they do more damage than good.

I would ask, so how would this woman prove it to the scubaboard members.
Name the man, name the resort. what kind of minefield would she walk into then.
Come on guys get real.

So, anyone who disagrees with you or sees things differently than you do just doesn't know how to think?

I took Waynne's post a bit differently than some of y'all did ... I think he was saying that there's always (at least) two sides to every story. There's a tendency in cases like this to make assumptions based on only hearing one side. I'm not questioning the validity of that one side ... but until I hear the other, I'd prefer keeping an open mind.

I believe that's what he meant by "thinking" ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

Honestly, she doesn't need to prove anything to anyone here.

She asked a question, she should get an answer...

She's not walking into a minefield.

The instructor walked into a minefield by taking a student out alone. I plan to eventually be an instructor but I WILL NEVER take a student out one on one unless I knew them and had previous experience with them regardless of their gender but especially if they are female.

As I stated earlier, my wife & 17 year old daughter both got certified this year and such an incident could have never happened to them.

Even if you take the sexual assault element out of the equation, a dive buddy/instructor is a position of great trust. Trust is something that is earned. I have a small group of divers who I consider my "Dive Buddies" and an even smaller group of trusted instructors.

That is also a good point. I recall a time when a dive buddy I was mentoring needed help with her crotch strap. When I hesitated offering that help she said to me "You know, as a doctor I don't worry about such things." ... to which I replied "As an instructor, I do."

There are some situations that, as a dive professional, you simply have to anticipate and avoid.

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[TheScubaBOB]

I took Waynne's post a bit differently than some of y'all did ... I think he was saying that there's always (at least) two sides to every story. There's a tendency in cases like this to make assumptions based on only hearing one side. I'm not questioning the validity of that one side ... but until I hear the other, I'd prefer keeping an open mind.

I believe that's what he meant by "thinking" ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

That's how I read his statement as well.

 

[dwhthediver]

I offer my empathy and support to the OP, and applaude her courage on 2 fronts, first continuing to learn to dive, not letting a bad first experience dissuade her, and second for the fact that she shared it on a public forum with a bunch of possibly judgemental strangers. Now that being said, there is no wrong way to interpret being kissed, and since she didn't want to be kissed that is wrong. The instructor did a lot wrong in this dive, his "activities", he took her too deep on a discover scuba, and he didn't take a 3rd party with on the dive. I never teach a female student without having someone else there, I don't want any misconstrued issues coming up. I tell all female students ahead of time, that on certain skills I will be holding on to their BC at the cumberbund, and not being forward, just making sure they don't hurt themselves. I am going to parrot other posts and I do believe she should report both the dive center and the instructor to PADI, and I think I read earlier that she did, I hope so, and if she didn't please do so. As far as the authorities...not so sure, the reaction in some countries would be a wink and a smile, with the officer automatically siding with the local man, the other thing...as has been mentioned before, it is a "he said, she said" inicident, and may just end up being a way for a local cop to get his jollies making her relive the incident. I won't get into whether the guy is a sexual predator or not, but if there are these kind of complaints with PADI, they will get into it, and either expel or suspend the offender.