Inclusive Blonde Jokes Thread

[nicodaemos]

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said....


(scroll down)...










FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

 

[Bomber]

A blond comes home from the peace corps in Uganda and surprises her mother who is in the process of lighting the Friday night candles and serving the matzoh ball soup. The mother is so thrilled she can't stop hugging and kissing her daughter. Finally she says, "Sit down, darling. Tell me all about what you were doing." Her daughter says, "Mom, I got married."

"Oy, mazeltov," says the mother. "How could you do that without telling me? What's he like? What does he do? Where is he?"

"He's waiting outside on the porch while I tell you."

"What are you talking about? Bring him in. I want to meet my new son-in-law."

The daughter brings him in and to her consternation the mother sees a black man standing before her wearing a big grin, a feathered cod piece, an enormous head dress, animal tooth beads and he is holding a very tall spear in an upright position. The mother grabs her daughter, slaps her back and forth on both cheeks and screams, "Dummy! Stupid! Idiot!..I said a RICH doctor!"

 

[DeputyDan]

blonde who was so excited that it only took her 8 months to complete a jig saw puzzle?

The box said 4-6 years.

 

[Kahawai]

Pretty awful but............

What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez Canal?

One is a busy ditch!

 

[WJL]

This blond is short of cash, so she decides to try her hand at kidnapping. She goes to the local park, pulls a kid behind a tree, and pins a note him. The note reads, "Put ten thousand dollars in a paper sack behind the tree in the park tomorrow morning, or you'll never see your child again. Signed, The Blonde." Then she tells the kid, "Take this note to your mother," and goes home.

The next morning she goes back to the park and looks behind the tree. Sure enough, there sits a paper sack. The sack has $10,000 dollars in it, and a note. The note reads, "I can't believe you would do this to another blonde!"

Bill

 

[Hallmac]

A blonde walks into the hair salon wearing a pair of head phones. She sets down in seat and tells the beautician "cut my hair don't take the head phones off." The beautician does as she asks. After the blonde leaves the beautian turns to her fellow workers and asks them what that was about. Nobody knew.

A few weeks later the blonde returns still wearing the head phones. She sets down and tells the beautician again "cut my hair don't take the head phones off." When the blonde leaves the beautician tells her coworkers if that girl comes in here one more time I'm going to pluck those head phones off and throw them in the trash.

Three weeks later lo and behold in walks the blonde with the head phones. She sets down and once again says "cut my hair don't take the head phones off." The beautician looks over at her coworkers and grins. She reaches down and plucks the head phones off, throws them into the trash and starts cutting the blondes hair.

A few minutes later the blonde turns blue, colapses and dies right on the floor. During the investigation the head phones were recovered. When the police listen to the sound coming from them the cause of death was discovered.

The sound was a voice repeating " Breath In, Breath Out, Breath in, Breath out.

Hallmac

 

[Amanda]

In french...

Deux blondes discutent = "Et toi, tu fumes après l'amour ?"
- Je sais pas, j'ai jamais regardé..."

 

[scubaleg]

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.

One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.

The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."

POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."

POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"

The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

 

[TCDiver1]

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH .......
A: A blonde driving through a flashing red light

Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a handgrenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back

Q: Why can't blondes be Pharmacists?
A: They keep breaking the perscription bottles in the typewriter.

Q: How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree
A: Wave to her

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She got run over by the zamboni machine

Q: What do you call a blonde mother-in-law?
A: An airbag

 

[Coyote]

Amanda once bubbled...
In french...

Deux blondes discutent = "Et toi, tu fumes après l'amour ?"
- Je sais pas, j'ai jamais regardé..."

Translation for the non french speakers is:

Two blondes were talking and one asked "Do you smoke after sex?" and the other answered " I don't know, I've never checked"