Inclusive Blonde Jokes Thread

[Kim]

Two blondes walk into a bar for a drink.
The barman tells his mate - 'Watch this!'
One of the blondes goes up to the bar and orders two gin and tonics. The barman asks - 'What kind of gin do you want?'
The blonde says - 'What have you got?'
The barman answers - ' Well, we've got three kinds of gin - Oxygin, Nitrogin, and Hydrogin!'

Back at the table the blonde tells her mate what happened. Her mate replies - 'Don't worry - I'll order the next drinks'

A little later her mate goes up to the bar and orders two turds.
The barman says- 'Turds? What drink is that?'
She replies- 'Well - there's three kinds of turd - there's custurd, musturd, and you, you big s***.'

 

[fan(t)a(s)tic]

A guy gets a phone call from his blonde girlfriend. "I'm stuck with this lousy puzzle. I haven't been able to match even two pieces, yet!"

The guy asks, "How many pieces does the puzzle have?

"Dunno, it doesn't say, but there are a couple of hundred of 'em."

"What picture is on the box?"

"It's mostly white and there's some kind of a chicken."

"Have you been able to find any edges or corners?"

"That's the bad thing. I haven't found on single straight piece, yet! This is so frustrating!!!"

"Ok, here's what we'll do: Put the puzzle away, and I'll hlep you when I get home."

So, when the guy comes home, his girlfriend rushes him over to the table to help her finish the stupid thing. He has on look at the scattered pieces and says, "Honey, put the cornflakes back in the box and we'll go make some dinner."

 

[aussie_shark_bait]

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch in New Zealand. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their check book, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it very slow."

ASB-

 

[Jmaserati]

What did the blonde say when she found a box of Cheerios?


"Oh look! Donut seeds"

 

[murphdivers286]

two females were in a car going over 100 mph on the interstate. the diver was a brunette and the passenger was a blonde. the driver asked the passenger if there was any cops behind them and the passenger replied, "YES!". then the driver asked the passenger if the cops had his lights on, and the passenger replied, "yep, nope, yep, nope, yep, nope". LOL

 

[MVillanueva]

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a bar stool.

After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says,

"I realize you're blind, so I'm cutting you some slack. Before you tell that joke, you should know something. One, the bartender is blonde; two, the bouncer is blonde; and third, I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate and no sense of humor. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"


The blind guy thinks a moment and says, "No - not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

 

[Wildcard]

Rotflmao!

 

[aussie_shark_bait]

ONE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and aid, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear'."

TWO
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says! ,"You dummy, it's me!"

THREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead! Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOUR
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIVE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

SIX
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My Gosh!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am! ?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swe! rved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ..." "Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

SEVEN
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

 

[wstein]

Stop it!!! I am crying over here. ROFLMFAO!!!!

Paul

 

[Mako Mark]

the family ranch in New Zealand.
ASB-

No such thing as a ranch in Kiwiland Shark bait, that would be either a farm or a station