Inclusive Blonde Jokes Thread

[divemistress]

Hey, it's natural to want to get your own back. But it ain't brunette women telling most of these jokes!

Q. What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
A. No one else wants it.

Q. What do you call a brunette in a room full of blonds?
A. Invisible.

Q. What does a brunette miss most about a great party?
A. The invitation.

Q. Why did God create brunettes?
A. So ugly men wouldn't feel left out.

Q. What do you call a handsome man with a brunette?
A. A Hostage.

Q. Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A. It matches their moustache.

Q. Where do brunettes get the hair for a transplant?
A. From their underarms.

Q. Why do brunettes have to pay an extra $2000 for breast implants?
A. Because the surgeon has to start from scratch.

Q. How can you tell if a brunette is lonely?
A. Check for a pulse.

Q. How do you describe a brunette who's phone rings on a saturday night?
A. Startled.

Q. What's the difference between a brunette and the garbage?
A. The garbage gets taken out once a week.

Just felt we blonds had to get our own back. LOL

 

[Former FLL Now MSP Diver]

Marc

 

[mania]

Blonde goes to the shop to buy a radio.
'we have very good Japanese radios' says the guy in the shop.
"oh no, thank you - I don't know Japanese"
Mania

 

[H2Andy]

blonde gets tired of blonde jokes, so dyes her hair brown.

goes to an electronics store, tells a clerk "I'd like to buy that t.v."

clerk says, "your real hair color is blonde, isn't it?"

she storms out, upset. checks her roots. nothing. everything looks good. goes to a different store.

"i'd like to buy that t.v."

clerk looks at her. "Say... your real hair color must be blonde, right?"

she storms out, again.

same thing happens at the next store she goes to:

"i'd like to buy that t.v."

again, the clerk says "You're a blonde, aint cha?"

this time, the blonde can't stand it anymore. "how on earth can you tell i am a blonde?"

says the clerk: "because that's a microwave oven"

 

[Seabear70]

Blinker Fluid has to come after muffler bearing.

Actually, I've replaced mufler bearings before...

In sea side environments, the metal ones tend to corrode rather badly, and often need replacing after a couple of years.

And, Yes I am a blonde, and I'll leave it to y'all to figure out what exactly I'm talking about.

 

[tracker]

My supervisor in the Navy (many moons ago) sent me for grid squares. After a 3 hour nap I returned and informed him I looked all over the ship and couldn't find any. He was speachless.

 

[FreeFloat]

That's as bad as being asked for tartan paint, or to fetch the key to the chain locker...........

 

[Mrs Mares]

Or sent to the Hardware Store for... A Long Stand

 

[Fly N Dive]

a class i took at school the teacher would ask a student to get a henweigh from the closet when the student asked "whats a henweigh" he would respond "about two pounds"

 

[TCDiver1]

AUTO REPAIR

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act
together. Just yesterday you take away my license
and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

EXPOSURE


A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her
right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that
I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out." He says.
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus
again!"

RIVER WALK


There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and
sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and
shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."


KNITTING


A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the
freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde
behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious
to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window,
turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "it's A SCARF!"


BLONDE ON THE SUN


A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!"


IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was:
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


FINAL EXAM


The blonde reported for her university final examination that
consists of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then,
in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts
tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen
desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The
moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished
the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."


THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR


A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive

blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight
to themailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut &stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail
box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back
into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came
again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it
closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
(are you ready? this is a beauty .)


My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."