I need advice

[IE_Diver]

I NEED ADVICE!!

I don't know what to do. My fiance's parents filed for bankruptcy this month. they're losing their house, cars, boat, savings, everything but their dogs. And they're in their 50s!

Her father was a load agent (an honest one), who obviously has had to kick that career since its been 6 months since he's issued a loan. currently hes going back to community college start a new career. and her mom has been going to school to become a junior high teacher. she's close to getting her credential but schools are firing teachers left and right here in socal.

i love my fiance and her parents but this is a huge red flag for me. im worried we're going to be supporting her parents eventually which is going to take away from our lives when we're in our prime.

is it possible for to come back from bankruptcy in your 50s? is retirement out of the question for them?

 

[Thalassamania]

Coming back from bankruptcy at 50 is quite possible, I've know several people who did.

At this point retirement is out of the question for almost everyone, but that may change.

An extended family under one roof used to be the norm, it has some very real advantages, economically, socially and emotionally. The only drawback as I see it (and we are trying to get my folks to move in and our eldest daughter to move next door) is you need to have a little more self control and patience ... and that's a good thing.

 

[luckydays]

BK at 50? Easy, I see it all the time. They may be able to retire at a decent age if they manage their money wisely from here on out. But if they don't learn to be conservative, then yes, you may be bailing them out years from now.

 

[Cacia]

I think the more important flag is that you don't love her enough to get married.

...and I am not being critical, I just think the BK stuff is the wrong question.

 

[Dive Junky]

We all run into hard times not just bankrupcy. When you say red flag does that mean you wanna call it off? If so you can't be very serious about the relationship to begin with. If thats truely the case then yes you should call it off. Spare her the grief now before she thinks she can really count on you. Its only fair to her.

I am really not being an a** about it. Just trying to be real.

 

[Jim Lapenta]

Why would her parents bankruptcy affect you? It can't if you don't let it. Worst case is you may have to pay more of the wedding costs yourselves (which you should be doing anyway) it's not her parents fault if you two get married. Why should they be penalized for your mistakes as well? And like the others have said this question indicates to me that you are already having second thoughts. Suck it up and be a man or let her find someone who will accept her and her family as they are. ANd if you did have to help them out then that would seem fair for them having paid her way for how many years and gave you a wife in the process. Maybe a better question is more like " I'm really selfish and wonder if I may have to help out family because thru no fault of their own they have fallen on hard times? If my wife's parents, who we will most likely tap for babysitting services and free meals now and then, need some help does it have to come out of my pocket?"

And I would not worry about it. As ambitious as her folks sound the guy she ends with who really cares will have a great set of in laws.

Gimme a Break!

 

[IE_Diver]

thanks luckydays. i was pretty confident that they would i just needed to hear an unbiased answer to that question. just in case though, i will be putting money aside for worst case. they really werent the saving type and their main income was always based on commision. i am hoping after this experience they will become more fiscally stable and put some emergency money away.

as for the rest of you, *** are you talking about. our relationship is stronger than anyone elses i know. we have scores of friends jealous of us. im not going anywhere. sorry to disappoint.

dont let your imaginations get the best of you.

 

[Dive Junky]

You are the one that said it was a 'huge red flag' to you. Sounds like your imagination was the one that got the best of you.

 

[Lee Taylor]

If you break it off with your fiance and find another, whats to say the same thing is not going to happen with the new in-laws? We are headed towards 20% unemployment in South Carolina and no jobs (to speak of) to be found. Hiring freezes and layoffs everywhere. Wall street is saying the $800,000,000,000 stimulus is a total fraud and the largest banks in America are teetering on bankruptcy. Will we survive? Hell yes. Your potential in-laws are much tougher birds then you are aware of. They may not ask you for a penny no matter how bad it gets. Have you considered that? Don't forget they fed, clothed, and sheltered your fiance during tough times gone past when you were in diapers.

 

[teknitroxdiver]

It might be worth them looking into moving out of California. Higher-than-average unemployment combined with super-expensive cost of living is not a good combination.