My wife and I were married for yrs before she took up diving. She was not a strong swimmer, a little out of shape but on a trip to Coz we went snorkeling and she said I want to be down there! Well she got certified a few months later, check out dive in 35ft at Crystal River. Her first real dive was in the Caymans. She was a little panicky; we got in, went to the front and were going to drop down the anchor line. I started descending, hit 30ft and saw she was still on the surface. The rest of the group was on the bottom so I just signaled the DM to go on. I surfaced to see what was wrong. When I came up to her I could see she was close to tears, her eyes where big as saucers and she was one step away from hyperventilating. The problem was, she could not clear her mask, it kept filling up with water. I asked her to clear it while I watched. Well rather than just separating the mask a little bit from her face and exhaling thru her nose she was lifting it 90 degrees from her face and the ocean was running in. An elephant could not have exhaled that much air. Once we got that taken care of we started to descend. Now the problem was she had a custom made 3mm suit and did not have enough lead on. So with some effort we got down to the bottom, 60ft. She calmed down a little but by this time she was down to about 800lbs so we had to surface, total dive time, 6minutes. At 15ft I had to hold her hands to keep her from shooting to the surface due to buoyancy. It was a horrible 1st dive!
Now I have gone thru this story because when we got on the boat she was again just about in tears and I was trying to be understanding but in my mind I was thinking; this is sucking all the joy from the sport for me, and that we just wasted a lot of money on gear.
To her credit she did the second dive, we gave her more weight and she did great! She has fallen in love with the sport and now most of our vacations are dive vacations. After the Caymans she decided she needed to get stronger so she started going to the gym with me, at 5am, 4days per week. By our next trip, 2 1/2months later, she was in great shape. She believes it improved her confidence, ability and added 10-15 minutes to her bottom time. 3yrs later she is still working out and looks great!
Any of us can be selfish when it comes to something we love to do. I had to remind myself she is not as strong as me nor has my experience. I am not excusing what your husband does, the measure of a person is to override their feelings and do the right thing which is to be supportive and positive. Like so many others have said I believe you need to tell your husband exactly how you feel, and agree that when he starts in on you, you can tell him your being a dive jerk or some such and he has to take a deep breath and work with you.