"Helpful" male dive buddies

[Mitchell Teeters]

It is a shame that so many women are such sexists. I guess it is our fault (men). I for one don't touch someone's gear unless there is a safety risk or I ask, or I'm their buddy. If I see something I'll say something off to the side so as to not embarrass. I guess I'll just quit picking up my wife's heavy gear. She isn't going to be happy. I'll just tell her to thank you ladies, I mean women, (don't want to be sexist) LOL.

The reversed sexism amazes me. But yes I've seen the macho guys at the quarry as well, I just laugh.

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[Ayisha]

TNRonin, unless you've experienced the type of sexism that is being described in this thread, it's hard to recognize it as being a type of sexism. It looks that way to those that have experienced it, and it feels that way. It is almost as if women have to prove themselves as being capable in some people's eyes rather than expected to be capable.

If the people doing the helping approached the situation the way you described, asking before touching someone else's gear, addressing someone privately, or helping with heavy gear, that would be fine and probably welcomed. It's the unsolicited fiddling or condescending attitudes that some women find offensive, and if it happened to men, they would likely find it offensive as well.

 

[rivers]

It is a shame that so many women are such sexists. I guess it is our fault (men). I for one don't touch someone's gear unless there is a safety risk or I ask, or I'm their buddy. If I see something I'll say something off to the side so as to not embarrass. I guess I'll just quit picking up my wife's heavy gear. She isn't going to be happy. I'll just tell her to thank you ladies, I mean women, (don't want to be sexist) LOL.

The reversed sexism amazes me. But yes I've seen the macho guys at the quarry as well, I just laugh.

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There is a big difference between helping someone out with their kit (whether it's helping to carry it, get into it, etc) and what the OP is describing. I have no issue with someone helping to get one of my arms into my harness, or helping lift my twins onto a kitting up bench or boat. But, if someone, who I don't know and I'm not diving with, comes up to me once I'm kitted up and starts touching/testing my gear, there will be issues.

 

[Mitchell Teeters]

TNRonin, unless you've experienced the type of sexism that is being described in this thread, it's hard to recognize it as being a type of sexism. It looks that way to those that have experienced it, and it feels that way. It is almost as if women have to prove themselves as being capable in some people's eyes rather than expected to be capable.

If the people doing the helping approached the situation the way you described, asking before touching someone else's gear, addressing someone privately, or helping with heavy gear, that would be fine and probably welcomed. It's the unsolicited fiddling or condescending attitudes that some women find offensive, and if it happened to men, they would likely find it offensive as well.

I'm sort of groggy so forgive me. 24 hrs days can do that. I'm also aware that sometimes what is offensive to some is not intended by others. All I do us treat men and women equally. Hell we had some kick ass women in my counter Intel team. Coming from an all male airborne infantry unit it was an eyeopener from that point forward. Get the hint?

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[Quero]

All I do us treat men and women equally.

If that's your approach, you've got no problem. Common courtesy, towards both men and women, is all it takes, and it sounds like you are a courteous guy.

 

[dalaimama]

It is a shame that so many women are such sexists. I guess it is our fault (men). I for one don't touch someone's gear unless there is a safety risk or I ask, or I'm their buddy. If I see something I'll say something off to the side so as to not embarrass. I guess I'll just quit picking up my wife's heavy gear. She isn't going to be happy. I'll just tell her to thank you ladies, I mean women, (don't want to be sexist) LOL.

The reversed sexism amazes me. But yes I've seen the macho guys at the quarry as well, I just laugh.

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I would feel exactly the same way if it were a woman touching my gear without asking.

 

[kimbalabala]

I would feel exactly the same way if it were a woman touching my gear without asking.

Bingo! Because I am a smaller, older woman, I'm happy to get help. But because I feel such a strong sense of pride in being able to take care of myself I don't want someone to assume I don't know what I'm doing (that would wound my ego). HOWEVER, if someone sees an obvious problem I want them to tell me - male or female. I won't get it right 100% of them time (but I continue to try).

 

[Mitchell Teeters]

If that's your approach, you've got no problem. Common courtesy, towards both men and women, is all it takes, and it sounds like you are a courteous guy.

Now whet the hell do you mean by that? LOL just kidding. I'm a firm believer that we can grow the sport by working together and set aside the macho and feminist bs.

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[tstormdiver]

LOL just kidding. I'm a firm believer that we can grow the sport by working together and set aside the macho and feminist bs.

Amen!

 

[drbill]

Not to make light of the serious subject, but I wouldn't want to dive with a woman who can't handle her own gear (unless it was due to health or other reasons) so I don't touch unless asked. Seriously, I've had quite a few laughs when a male diver approaches my #1 dive buddy (Andrea who is a very attractive woman) and tries to help her with her gear. Heck, she is undoubtedly a far better diver than they are since she is a dive instructor with experience as underwater photographer, instructor and dive boat captain on the Aggressor and Peter Hughes fleets. Far more likely she'd spot a problem with their gear or diving.

However, I've been accused in the past of "getting too friendly" when all I intended was (as the resident marine biologist on board a dive boat) provide information about the critters divers were seeing. Funny, none of the men complained when I did it. Some times some women can be a bit too sensitive about a situation.