"Helpful" male dive buddies

[dalaimama]

I find that a firm "It's fine, thanks, I've got it" takes care of a lot of the bullsh!t. If they continue on after that, I would have no problem being rude.

I don't know what I would do if another diver touched my gear without asking - seriously, who does that?

 

[xcelratr]

The response that's required to modify anyone's behavior depends heavily on that person's motivations to begin with.

The UGC (unsolicited gear checker) may be acting out of a sense of chivalry, courtesy and kindness. Or he could be a sexist, condescending chauvinist that thinks women always need special assistance.

As is often the case, the truth is likely somewhere in between, with a few other variables tossed in for flavor.

OP, your options seem to be:

- Ignore it and hope it stops
- Address it head-on in a blunt manner: "dude, don't touch my stuff"
- Address it in a tongue in cheek manner that leads the UGC to self-revelation: "are you checking everyone's gear without being asked, or am I special in some way?"
- Address it in a velvet hammer manner: "the only people allowed to touch my gear are the people that have bought me one of these (raise hand to show wedding ring)"
- Address it in a gentle manner: "it's very sweet of you to look out for me, but the only people I allow to handle my gear are me and my dive buddy"
- Address it in the most indirect manner possible, by having your husband address it "honey, tell that mofo never to touch my stuff again"

Which of these you use, and when/where you use it (in the moment, loudly in front of everyone, later in a quiet moment with no one around, via email when you get back, etc) is going to depend on your assessment of the UGC's motivation, and what he'll respond to the most positively.

Having said all that, though, let's list the priorities here in order of importance:
1) Your safety
2) Your comfort level with your gear and the situation
3) His feelings

$0.02

 

[toddthecat]

Any tips on how to deal with this situation without alienating people?

Who cares if you alienate them? They're doing it to you by running up and grabbing your equipment. Here's a tip for you...say, "touch my s*** and you'll pull back a broken hand".

 

[nimoh]

Who cares if you alienate them? They're doing it to you by running up and grabbing your equipment. Here's a tip for you...say, "touch my s*** and you'll pull back a broken hand".

I don't see any need to get nasty. Presumably they think they are helping, even if their actions are inappropriate.

Personally, I don't touch other people's gear (male or female), unless they initiate it by asking me for help. During pre-dive checks, I breathe through both my regs, and ask my buddy/team to do the same.

There was one exception, last weekend there was a new diver tagging along on our dive and I noticed he was breathing a little heavy so I gave him all three signals I know for "how much gas do you have?" with no response, so I swam up to him and took a look at is SPG.

 

[toddthecat]

I don't see any need to get nasty. Presumably they think they are helping, even if their actions are inappropriate.

Personally, I don't touch other people's gear (male or female), unless they initiate it by asking me for help. During pre-dive checks, I breathe through both my regs, and ask my buddy/team to do the same.

There was one exception, last weekend there was a new diver tagging along on our dive and I noticed he was breathing a little heavy so I gave him all three signals I know for "how much gas do you have?" with no response, so I swam up to him and took a look at is SPG.

Checking someone's SPG underwater after they can't figure out basic hand signals is one thing. From what I gathered from the OP someone on the dive boat went grabbing at her equipment who was just some random stranger. It's not about being nasty other than getting a point across. Plenty of others here will tell you that there is a cardinal rule that you simply don't go grabbing on other people's gear without permission. This is ESPECIALLY true for the technical divers out there. I also don't let random people check the locks on my car door when I leave it outside the grocery store...

 

[nimoh]

Checking someone's SPG underwater after they can't figure out basic hand signals is one thing. From what I gathered from the OP someone on the dive boat went grabbing at her equipment who was just some random stranger. It's not about being nasty other than getting a point across. Plenty of others here will tell you that there is a cardinal rule that you simply don't go grabbing on other people's gear without permission. This is ESPECIALLY true for the technical divers out there. I also don't let random people check the locks on my car door when I leave it outside the grocery store...

my point is just that I don't see any need to be nasty about it. A polite "please don't touch my gear, I know what I'm doing" should suffice, and if they are persistent, then yes, perhaps it is time to get nasty.

 

[MMM]

start adjusting their gear. I think they will get the idea.

Just read this entire thread and this is my favourite response. Kind of passive aggressive, but makes the point rather well, I think. Weirdly enough though, I have NEVER had any male attempt to do anything with my gear without my explicit permission.

 

[solo gato]

what an interesting thread, scary but interesting

 

[tstormdiver]

Dang! I wish at times I could get someone to help me with my technical gear,..... I guess seeing a woman handling 100# + gear, can take some guys aback. But on a serious side, I keep my gauge tucked in close to me. If anyone decides to "check" my equipment, unless they are my designated buddy, I promptly recheck everything behind them & set it the way I want it (Like the turn the cylinder valve back 1/4 turn- I keep mine 100% open or 100% closed,... no confusion) right in front of them. If they get upset,... their problem,.. if it is my buddy, I will then explain why I do what I do for a reason. Once I establish that I know what I'm doing,.... No problems.

 

[ladyfishdvr]

Its funny since this thread started I have noticed what help I get. I don't mind having help getting my gear off or on, or the time dive buddy checked my air after I had turned it on but had it refilled from another tank and did not double check it (shame on me) and the person who filled it turned it off. Or the time my dive buddy grabbed my leg and put my fin strap back on under water. Divers who are observant and more experienced than me watch for this stuff. I actually have appreciated these things. I dive with different people all the time. I have found most divers where I dive will observe and ask before touching my gear or helping. I think people have a level of confidence they project. Other people pick up on that and perhaps the OP needs to project more confidence. A lot of that can be body language. If you project confidence others perceive you as confident and may be less likely to be intrusive.