Help with your thoughts on relationships, please.

[Rick Inman]

I work at a church whose target audience is people who don’t normally go to church, IOW, just regular folks, not “churchy” people. We are beginning a 4 week series on relationships (married and un-married), and I am looking for some information from people who don’t regularly attend church.

You can help me by answering some questions, if you meet the following criteria:

• Have not attended a church or religious gathering in the past 6 months.
  
• Are currently married or in a committed relationship.

If you do not want to publicly post these answers, please PM me your answers.

If you’re single, I have posted a different survey HERE in the singles section.

Thanks!!

1. What is the most important ingredient in a successful relationship?

2. How did you know that the person you are in the relationship with was the right one for you?

3. Where did you receive your knowledge on having/keeping a good relationship?

4. If you could go back in time and start your relationship over, what would you do differently?

5. When, if ever, would it be right to end a relationship?

Thank you!!!!

 

[Fish_Whisperer]

1. What is the most important ingredient in a successful relationship?
There is no single ingredient. It's made up of commitment, humor, communication, and making time for intimacy. Perhaps first and foremost is trust: No trust, no relationship.

2. How did you know that the person you are in the relationship with was the right one for you?
When the prospect of living without the other person was one that filled me with pain. When I knew that if my spouse were in an accident and paralyzed form the neck down, that I would gladly spend the rest of my life caring for her. When I knew that we connected on a spiritual, (not necessarily religious or "churchy"), physical, and mental level. When I knew I could happily spend the rest of my life holding conversations with her. When I knew that if my death came, (I was a soldier at the time), that she would carry on and wouldn't fall to pieces. When I knew that she was strong enough to roll with the punches of life. When I knew that I'd found an equal.

3. Where did you receive your knowledge on having/keeping a good relationship?
I don't know. I've just always Known.

4. If you could go back in time and start your relationship over, what would you do differently?
Nothing.

5. When, if ever, would it be right to end a relationship?
When neither person is growing, when the two in the relationship have grown so far apart, there is no hope of recovery; when the love has been allowed to die. Love is like having a newborn infant. Both parties in the relationship must compromise for the good of it. Neglected, it will die.

 

[scubafool]

1. What is the most important ingredient in a successful relationship?

BOTH have to want to please the other person more than themselves.

2. How did you know that the person you are in the relationship with was the right one for you?

I don't know. I just "knew".

3. Where did you receive your knowledge on having/keeping a good relationship?

I watched other people in their relationships, what seemed to work, what didn't. Also, the Golden Rule has always seemed to be common sense to me.

4. If you could go back in time and start your relationship over, what would you do differently?

Break myself of being selfish much sooner. Bring up issues sooner, instead of letting them fester.

5. When, if ever, would it be right to end a relationship?

When it is clear that neither person is interested in making the relationship work, and haven't been for a long time. Infidelity. Abuse.

 

[BTravlin]

1. Toss up between communication and trust.
2. Just knew. This was reinforced when a few years into our marriage when I had a devastating financial set back with my business. She took it in stride and said she was confident I'd rebound.
3. Mainly from experience and learning from other's mistakes.
4. Nothing
5. More than one instance of infidelity or physical abuse.

 

[Jim Lapenta]

I work at a church whose target audience is people who don’t normally go to church, IOW, just regular folks, not “churchy” people. We are beginning a 4 week series on relationships (married and un-married), and I am looking for some information from people who don’t regularly attend church.

You can help me by answering some questions, if you meet the following criteria:

• Have not attended a church or religious gathering in the past 6 months.
  
• Are currently married or in a committed relationship.

If you do not want to publicly post these answers, please PM me your answers.

If you’re single, I have posted a different survey HERE in the singles section.

Thanks!!

1. What is the most important ingredient in a successful relationship?


Trust and communication, accepting someone for who they are


2. How did you know that the person you are in the relationship with was the right one for you?


Because the above was there from day one. We just clicked immediately


3. Where did you receive your knowledge on having/keeping a good relationship?


Two failed marriages. Third times a charm!


4. If you could go back in time and start your relationship over, what would you do differently?


With this one absolutely nothing. I have no regrets or wishes to change anything


5. When, if ever, would it be right to end a relationship?


When there is nothing left to talk about, when the love is gone, when staying is more painful than leaving. When the trust is gone as well. Infidelity- no matter what anyone says leopards do not change their spots. If they are not doing it in real life they are doing it in their mind


Thank you!!!!

Stupid 5 character rule when you don't know how to quote! Rick if you want to fix this please do.

 

[drbill]

I guess this has been cross posted, Rick, since I don't see mine here.

 

[BTravlin]

Add mutual respect to Item # 1.

 

[fweber]

1. What is the most important ingredient in a successful relationship?

Ans. There are many. But, if forced to pick just one, The true enjoyment of facing and overcoming lifes many challenges together. That covers an awful lot of the other ingredients.

2. How did you know that the person you are in the relationship with was the right one for you?

Ans. Many things. A certain comfort in all that we do together, the fact that I enjoy things I normally wouldn't because they make her happy, that I wake up each morning and feel very very lucky to have her in my life, 3 years on and neither of us can remember having a real arguement(disagreement?, Yes, Debate or Passionate discussion? Yes. argue?, No), etc......

3. Where did you receive your knowledge on having/keeping a good relationship?

Ans. From all my previous relationships, both good and bad. I don't understand how people can consider relationships to be different from anything else. With experience we grow and become more comfortable with what is required, we learn what works and what doesn't. With enough experience things may start to come naturally, and appear effortless or at least require less forethought. It's wonderfull that some folks find early on another willing to commit to this long term learning pattern. But, for me, it took many honest tries. The most important ingredient has been learning what I truly desire and need in a mate.

4. If you could go back in time and start your relationship over, what would you do differently?

Ans. Nothing.

5. When, if ever, would it be right to end a relationship?

Ans. That all depends on the level of commitment that has been implied. A big difference in implied committment exists between the second date and marriage vows and subsequently the answer about when to give up on or end a relationship varies accordingly.

Rick, Good luck in your Series.

 

[Rick Inman]

I guess this has been cross posted, Rick, since I don't see mine here.

I have a similar thread in Singles, which is the one you filled out.

 

[CBulla]

1. What is the most important ingredient in a successful relationship?

No kidding, 100% trust.

2. How did you know that the person you are in the relationship with was the right one for you?

I knew it in the first hours of knowing Kris and as the night went on with us talking and sharing time, it was blatently clear that I was going to marry her.

3. Where did you receive your knowledge on having/keeping a good relationship?

Learning from past relationships and common sense. After we married we've taken some personal growth courses together, a couples course, and even a parenting class to learn and practice some new stuff. What those courses gave us was new tools to communicate with to eachother and with others more effectively. As a couple it gave us a same book, same page playbook we could draw from the rest of our lives. Our relationship was great before that, its been absolutely amazing since.

4. If you could go back in time and start your relationship over, what would you do differently?

Nothing, its absolutely perfect just the way it is.. Those experiences of the past were our learning tools for shaping our experiences of the future.

5. When, if ever, would it be right to end a relationship?

Relationships being called to an end is a sad time. "Grown apart" or "nothing in common" is really a tough thing because thats not the root cause. Trust being violated is a root cause. The breaking of agreements made as part of the relationship (monogomy being broken, deception, etc), financial stress, and ineffective communications most commonly are what create the rifts. These can all either be worked with and mended or considered so eminently destroyed that there is no repair. If no repair, move on.. thank the person for lessons learned and move on.