Funny dive stories

[MikeFerrara]

My poor wife again...

So, I was teaching an Advanced Nitrox class. It was a hard class and lasted like most of a whole winter.

toward the end when every one could actually almost dive, we planned to drop over the buss at Gilboa, do last minute checks and then drop over the wall and get some depth.

There was two students myself and my wife. My wife zipped right on past the top of the bus all the way to the bottom. I kind of flashed a "question sign as she sailed past and the student who was her buddy just kind if shrugged his shoulders and followed here.

I followed with the other student and there she was...on the bottom on all 4's with my student hovering there with a puzzled look on his face.

She was not only breathing but I thought I heard her saying bad words into her reg.

I asked her if she was ok and she said no. I offered her air. She said more bad words and pointed over her shoulder. At first I thought..."yes, you have tanks just like the rest of us but what are you doing?"

That's when I saw the problem. We were using Zeagle bc's at the time and they have a pull dump. Well, the whole valve had come apart and everytime she tried to inflate the wing a big plume of bubbles came up from behind her shoulder.

I lifted her up to the line (she was heavy with full doubles and decompression gas) figuring she'd put some air in her dry suit and we could follow the line back. I guess she wasn't ready yet because when I set her on the line and let go she just flipped around to the under side of the line and said more bad words into her reg.

Boy that was a long class.

 

[bbiesenkamp]

I dropped down in about 8 ft. of water on my first dive with a new camera setup. I look left and see a 3-4 ft. Ling a few feet away. How much better can it get than this? As I'm turning my camera on, the Ling hits my left arm. I roll around as she goes behind me. I'm still trying to get the shot. She hit me in the back..then the leg...then grabs my fin. I end up kicking her in the head as I swim away from my dream shot. I didn't see another thing worth shooting for the rest of the dive, but I learned an important lesson about disturbing egg nests.


Brian

 

[Rick Inman]

In 1971, on a boat to Catalina Island, the LDS owner got everyone’s attention and did a loud commercial for a new fangled thing called the AtPac. It's Push Button diving, he told us, no more blowing into the BC to inflate it. The BC is all on your back and it incorporates the plastic backplate right into the unit! And instead of a weight belt, you fill this chamber in the back plate with shot and marbles.
Wow, we all said.
With everything all as one unit, he said, you just inflate the thing, toss it all into the water, jump in, lift it over your head and go diving.
Wow, again.
And with that, he picked up the unit and threw it overboard, where it promptly sank to the bottom at 250'. Oops. He forgot to inflate it. We dragged for a while, but it was never found...

 

[Mako Mark]

there is a situation I see often while training open water instructors.

An instructor has a pair of "student" divers in front of him. the diver on the right is told to do an alternative air source exercize.

The "student" has been assigned the problem to take the reg out of the other students mouth, not the octopus clipped to his chest.

the instructor notices that the "student" on the left has no reg, so in his rush donates the one from his mouth not his octy.

The instructor checks both "students" and knows that something is wrong, but cant figure out what it is as both students have regs, albeit not their own.

The instructor realizes that what is wrong is that he doesnt have a reg, so grabs the alternative from the "student" on the right as this was the last one he was looking at when he realised.

This forms a perfect triangle of three, each breathing from someone elses regulator.

when they realise how silly they look, all three regs get spat out and then no-one has a reg.

cracks me up every time I see it. At this point I usually shake my head and swim away.

.

 

[JimC]

5th dive after open water. There I am swimming around in 30 feet of water and I go to dump some air out of my BC. I reach up and grab the inflator and give is a nice firm tug to activate the oh-so convineint pulldump.

Hose came off in my hand, bubbles everywhere.

Since I was diveing wet, I crawled back to shore.

 

[ZenSquirrel]

I was doing the search and recovery dive of my AOW. We were supposed to swim a search pattern, eventually find a 20 lbs box and recover it to the surface. Viz was about 3-4 ft in most places and 1-2 in some patches. My Instructor and I set off on the search pattern swimming side-by-side about Viz distance apart and scanning the bottom. We came up on a submerged satalite dish. With some poor buddy communications, he went over, I went around, Hey! Where's my buddy, 1 minute to look, then a surface. Ah, he is 50 feet away. Not only did I not find the box, I lost my buddy!

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Another "incident". I was doing a fun dive with one of my regular buddies and my Instructor that I did OW with. We happened to pass a toilet submerged in about 80 feet of Lake. I guess my OW Instructor's wife has him well trained because he had to stop and put the seat down.

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Doing a night dive with another buddy in the lake. We were in a scuba park with a bunch of sunk boats and platforms. The vis is usually low so there are lines run between most of the items. We were following a line when suddenly my buddy stops, looks at me with huge eyes, frantically signals to turn around, and jets off at 110% thrust back the way we came. After we surfaced I asked, "What was that?" Turns out that she got it in her head that somebody had strung a line to the intake port of the dam and that we were going to get sucked though the dam turbine!

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My buddy and I were doing a 3 minute safety stop and we were just hanging out looking around while the time passed. Suddenly something wacks my ear hard. I figured that my buddy had gotten bored and given my ear a flick. I turned around to flick him back or to knock his mask off but he was 5 feet away looking at some critters. There was a school of perch floating around my head and some of them must have decided that my ears looked like a tasty treat. Needless to say I gave them a purge from my reg in return.

 

[aquaoren]

I used to work on livaboards in Australia and week after week, I would get a kick out of seeing the (mainly) European and Japanese clients mistake Vegimite for chocolate spread.

Hotcakes with vegimite and whipped cream.............ummmmmmm. It still brings tears to my eyes thinking about it.

The Europeans would generally laugh or complain loudly, and the Japanese (bless 'em) were too polite, so would descreetly pretend that it wasnt their plate and go and either puke over the side or get some more breakfast, depending on their constitution.

.

this is really bad stuff for people that aren't used to it

 

[ocpaul]

I was diving in Aruba a few years ago - it didn't seem too funny at the time, but I can laugh about it now.

1st story: I inadvertently packed my prescription mask in my check in baggage. Of course the mask was in shambles on arrival. I was forced to rent a standard diopter mask that was close to be able to dive. So far so good. However, on the first dive the rental mask blew out at 90'. Had to abort the dive since I had some serious problems with visibility. Of course my new found partner was greatly impressed!

2nd story: The next day dove in an area where an tourist submarine did its dives. We were warned to stay away from the sub. On our upcurrent leg we heard the sub approach from behind and had a good time waving to those in the sub. On our downcurrent leg the we heard the sub again, but couldn't locate it due to reduced viz. Before I knew it the sub was heading right for me. I kicked my butt off to get clear of the sub, leaving my buddy alone. Again he must have been really impressed. Good thing the DM saw it all happen and he adopted my buddy while I headed for the boat with the rest of the group.

3rd story: On our last dive I was handing my fins up to the boatman and he whiffed on one of the fins. It being negative, it sank and nobody saw it on the way down. A fitting end for the dive days from hell!

 

[Snowbear]

...mistake Vegimite for chocolate spread.

What is Vegimite?

 

[AbsolutWeezer6]

Vegimite is a vegtable yeast extract. It kind of looks like chocolate spread as was said in the previous post but it has a very very unique taste. Kind of salty and its just like regular condiment you would spread on bread or stuff like that. Its an Australian food, when I came over here to study at orientation they made one of the other americans eat a piece of bread with a nice big thick layer of it......he was rewarded with beer, but some of the other Americans I came with can't even look at it to this day with out getting sick. My diver instructor acctually threatened us with a spoon full of vegimite if we were screwing around durring the open water dives :11: .

Cheers
Vinny