First trip alone, no wife, no kids

[NothingClever]

Although some folks think I've done lots of adventurous stuff in my life, I still feel like I’m just getting started and there’s still so much to do.

When my wife takes off for a few days to go home to see her Mom or to hang out with her gal pals, I think about all the cool things I’m going to get to do while she’s gone. That lasts about an hour and then I just sit around the house feeling sorry for myself and talking to the cats (like a regular weird cat person) until she gets home.

It’s somewhat the same when she sends me off on a bike tour to ride the twisties of Georgia and Tennessee with the lads....it’s cool for about 24 hours (“Wild Hogs”) and then I think of the things we could be doing together.

I might talk tough but I’m a total softie when it comes down to it.

 

[Graeme Fraser]

This may be worth gently following up later, as there are different issues that might be in play and some could be trouble if not handled well.

1.) She may resent you going off for a fun-filled tropical holiday without her. Basic jealousy, a normal human reaction. Perhaps she could join her mother or a close buddy and go do something they really like.

2.) Perceived self-indulgence - you're spending a lot of 'family money' on just you. This kinda sounds bad, but look at it from another angle; how would a lot of guys react if they came home from work and discovered their wives had just 'blown' 4 grand on a diamond necklace? I'm not saying that's wrong, just that the example makes the underlying dynamic more relatable.

3.) Feeling threatened - dive trips generally do not entail sipping Pina coladas by a sandy beach while the buff and beautiful cast of Baywatch jaunts back and forth and bikini-clad supermodels strike poses, but I suspect some people don't like it when their spouse goes off 'unsupervised' in group activities where there are participants of the opposite sex. No one will care to admit this about themselves, and some may be tempted to vilify people who feel this way as insecure, but look at the adultery and divorce statistics before you judge.

4.) Enmeshment/Rejection - has a negative perception in our society, but people often get married in part to 'be together,' and a solo vacation says 'I'm gonna go have fun without you.' This topic has been addressed in other threads, and can be a little touchy. Some couples are 'joined at the hip,' as they say, and some would bite each others' heads off if they didn't get some 'me time.' Some couples make diving a 'couple activity' and won't dive without each other; some people do what they like, and if their partner wishes to join the fun, they're welcome, and I'm gonna do what I wanna do! If this is your 1st solo vacation in 17 years with her, well...

Nobody wants to be perceived as selfish, jealous and insecure, or overdependent and 'clingy,' so these aren't easy topics to get at. But if one is in play, it could be important.

Richard.

P.S.: You might want to use your smart phone for convenience and take a few photos every day and shoot off an e-mail saying you're thinking about her, and sharing the experience with her as much as you can. Might smooth things over a bit. Unless she reads this thread and hates my guts.

I'm not so sure on the communication front.

I tend to text my wife when I arrive at the destination and when I'm back in the UK, nothing in between unless there's an emergency. I usually go on my annual LoB with a few mates and one in particular is expected to check in at least three times a day, just so his other half can give him grief. Poor bloke always comes up from his cabin looking so dejected.

Mind you, my two text strategy did backfire once. A couple of years back I was delayed by 3 hours leaving Gatwick for Sharm el-Sheikh, so thought I'd better text her from the airport rather than when I arrived at 3 in the morning.

I arrived in Egypt to a text saying "who the hell is Sharon?". Somewhat confused I looked at my outgoing text which, instead of Sharm, read "delayed so won't be getting into Sharon till 3am. See you in a week".

Good old predictive text. Luckily she's got a sense of humour.

 

[Esprise Me]

I do like being warm, last dive in Lake Huron was 48F at 95-100 feet. Even my 7 mil didn’t cut it there. I plan on diving as much as possible everyday while in Coz, so thermal protection might be really needed.

I'd say you're still pretty tough if you can even remotely handle 48 degrees in a 7mm, especially at that depth, where your 7mm probably becomes more like a 3mm. I regularly dive in water temps between mid-50s and mid-60s, and it's OK in a 7mm and hood when the air is warm, but when the air temp approaches the water temp I need a drysuit. I brought my 7mm on a LOB in Turks & Caicos this winter and it was not overkill; by the fourth or fifth straight day of doing 5 dives a day I was still starting to feel a slight chill, while folks in 3mm and 5mm suits were skipping dives for that reason. However, I'm also going to Cozumel in June, and finally decided to just buy a 3mm. I was hoping to find a 5/3, but options seem really limited there. I found a 3mm for less than $70, so it'll basically cost the same if I throw it away after this trip as if I'd just rented a suit there. I know it'll be enough for this trip, because I'll only be doing 2 dives per day (non-diving husband is coming along) and I've dived across the channel in Playa del Carmen in December in a rented 2.5mm and only needed an extra layer for the cenotes. I think in the future I may be able to get by with the 3mm for minimal tropical dives, with a backup plan of renting a shorty to wear on top if I get cold, and the 7mm for anything more than 2 dives per day or less than 77 degrees. But that's just me; I started a thread on this in advance of my trip, and lots of people are fine with less: How much extra neoprene for repetitive dives on liveaboard?

 

[ggunn]

This may be worth gently following up later, as there are different issues that might be in play and some could be trouble if not handled well.

1.) She may resent you going off for a fun-filled tropical holiday without her. Basic jealousy, a normal human reaction. Perhaps she could join her mother or a close buddy and go do something they really like.

2.) Perceived self-indulgence - you're spending a lot of 'family money' on just you. This kinda sounds bad, but look at it from another angle; how would a lot of guys react if they came home from work and discovered their wives had just 'blown' 4 grand on a diamond necklace? I'm not saying that's wrong, just that the example makes the underlying dynamic more relatable.

3.) Feeling threatened - dive trips generally do not entail sipping Pina coladas by a sandy beach while the buff and beautiful cast of Baywatch jaunts back and forth and bikini-clad supermodels strike poses, but I suspect some people don't like it when their spouse goes off 'unsupervised' in group activities where there are participants of the opposite sex. No one will care to admit this about themselves, and some may be tempted to vilify people who feel this way as insecure, but look at the adultery and divorce statistics before you judge.

4.) Enmeshment/Rejection - has a negative perception in our society, but people often get married in part to 'be together,' and a solo vacation says 'I'm gonna go have fun without you.' This topic has been addressed in other threads, and can be a little touchy. Some couples are 'joined at the hip,' as they say, and some would bite each others' heads off if they didn't get some 'me time.' Some couples make diving a 'couple activity' and won't dive without each other; some people do what they like, and if their partner wishes to join the fun, they're welcome, and I'm gonna do what I wanna do! If this is your 1st solo vacation in 17 years with her, well...

Nobody wants to be perceived as selfish, jealous and insecure, or overdependent and 'clingy,' so these aren't easy topics to get at. But if one is in play, it could be important.

Richard.

P.S.: You might want to use your smart phone for convenience and take a few photos every day and shoot off an e-mail saying you're thinking about her, and sharing the experience with her as much as you can. Might smooth things over a bit. Unless she reads this thread and hates my guts.

I had pretty much the same thoughts, but I would have put it more succinctly, as in, "You still married?"

 

[GameChanger]

Welcome to "Hall Pass Life" !

My wife gave me a hall pass for a Coz dive trip last year and I had the most relaxing time ever. She's a non-diver so my previous Coz trips always included nice hotels, restaurants, touristy crapola, etc. I now do multiple Hall Pass Coz dive trips annually.

While on my "Hall Pass" trips, I get to do what I want with no cares for the needs or wants of anyone else. Heck, somedays I never leave my hotel property. This is why I like Blue Angel so much. Great oceanview rooms, excellent onsite restaurant, awesome dive Op with great DM's, their own dock, and still a short walk (for me) to downtown and stores.

 

[ChuckP]

I like wearing a full 3 mil and bringing a hooded vest too. The weather can be iffy, partly cloudy with a breeze and you could be freezing at surface interval which makes you that much colder on the second dive.

The hooded vest gives you options of wearing it or not and it really does make a difference.

The other thing is a boat coat, night dives or breezy days - nice. Neoprene ones work just fine and don’t take up too much space in packing.

Enjoy this place!

 

[Thomas Kent]

I'd say you're still pretty tough if you can even remotely handle 48 degrees in a 7mm, especially at that depth, where your 7mm probably becomes more like a 3mm. I regularly dive in water temps between mid-50s and mid-60s, and it's OK in a 7mm and hood when the air is warm, but when the air temp approaches the water temp I need a drysuit. I brought my 7mm on a LOB in Turks & Caicos this winter and it was not overkill; by the fourth or fifth straight day of doing 5 dives a day I was still starting to feel a slight chill, while folks in 3mm and 5mm suits were skipping dives for that reason. However, I'm also going to Cozumel in June, and finally decided to just buy a 3mm. I was hoping to find a 5/3, but options seem really limited there. I found a 3mm for less than $70, so it'll basically cost the same if I throw it away after this trip as if I'd just rented a suit there. I know it'll be enough for this trip, because I'll only be doing 2 dives per day (non-diving husband is coming along) and I've dived across the channel in Playa del Carmen in December in a rented 2.5mm and only needed an extra layer for the cenotes. I think in the future I may be able to get by with the 3mm for minimal tropical dives, with a backup plan of renting a shorty to wear on top if I get cold, and the 7mm for anything more than 2 dives per day or less than 77 degrees. But that's just me; I started a thread on this in advance of my trip, and lots of people are fine with less: How much extra neoprene for repetitive dives on liveaboard?

I'm pretty tough with Cold water but do enjoy being warm. I ordered a full 3 mil, for $84.00 delivered, at that price I figured what the heck. When I did the Playa Cenotes I used a 3 mil shortly, I can tell you i was slightly blue lipped on the second dive of the day....wont make that misjudgement again!

 

[Thomas Kent]

Welcome to "Hall Pass Life" !

My wife gave me a hall pass for a Coz dive trip last year and I had the most relaxing time ever. She's a non-diver so my previous Coz trips always included nice hotels, restaurants, touristy crapola, etc. I now do multiple Hall Pass Coz dive trips annually.

While on my "Hall Pass" trips, I get to do what I want with no cares for the needs or wants of anyone else. Heck, somedays I never leave my hotel property. This is why I like Blue Angel so much. Great oceanview rooms, excellent onsite restaurant, awesome dive Op with great DM's, their own dock, and still a short walk (for me) to downtown and stores.

I'm excited to try this "Hall Pass", although, my pass is slightly different than the movie

 

[O-ring]

Congrats on your solo adventure! I think you will really like traveling alone. I've done it a few times and recently booked myself on a LOB in a couple months solo. As long as you aren't too picky about dive buddies and pack good reading material I think it's a great way to travel.

 

[Thomas Kent]

Well, I truly hope all of you are safe and healthy! Looks like my May trip is not going to happen this year. Sad, they will reopen on May 15 and I was going to arrive May 13th. Again, hope everyone is safe and healthy!