First trip alone, no wife, no kids

[drrich2]

She looked across the table at me and told me, flat out, that she resented me for it.

This may be worth gently following up later, as there are different issues that might be in play and some could be trouble if not handled well.

1.) She may resent you going off for a fun-filled tropical holiday without her. Basic jealousy, a normal human reaction. Perhaps she could join her mother or a close buddy and go do something they really like.

2.) Perceived self-indulgence - you're spending a lot of 'family money' on just you. This kinda sounds bad, but look at it from another angle; how would a lot of guys react if they came home from work and discovered their wives had just 'blown' 4 grand on a diamond necklace? I'm not saying that's wrong, just that the example makes the underlying dynamic more relatable.

3.) Feeling threatened - dive trips generally do not entail sipping Pina coladas by a sandy beach while the buff and beautiful cast of Baywatch jaunts back and forth and bikini-clad supermodels strike poses, but I suspect some people don't like it when their spouse goes off 'unsupervised' in group activities where there are participants of the opposite sex. No one will care to admit this about themselves, and some may be tempted to vilify people who feel this way as insecure, but look at the adultery and divorce statistics before you judge.

4.) Enmeshment/Rejection - has a negative perception in our society, but people often get married in part to 'be together,' and a solo vacation says 'I'm gonna go have fun without you.' This topic has been addressed in other threads, and can be a little touchy. Some couples are 'joined at the hip,' as they say, and some would bite each others' heads off if they didn't get some 'me time.' Some couples make diving a 'couple activity' and won't dive without each other; some people do what they like, and if their partner wishes to join the fun, they're welcome, and I'm gonna do what I wanna do! If this is your 1st solo vacation in 17 years with her, well...

Nobody wants to be perceived as selfish, jealous and insecure, or overdependent and 'clingy,' so these aren't easy topics to get at. But if one is in play, it could be important.

Richard.

P.S.: You might want to use your smart phone for convenience and take a few photos every day and shoot off an e-mail saying you're thinking about her, and sharing the experience with her as much as you can. Might smooth things over a bit. Unless she reads this thread and hates my guts.

 

[BoundForElsewhere]

This may be worth gently following up later, as there are different issues that might be in play and some could be trouble if not handled well.

1.) She may resent you going off for a fun-filled tropical holiday without her. Basic jealousy, a normal human reaction. Perhaps she could join her mother or a close buddy and go do something they really like.

2.) Perceived self-indulgence - you're spending a lot of 'family money' on just you. This kinda sounds bad, but look at it from another angle; how would a lot of guys react if they came home from work and discovered their wives had just 'blown' 4 grand on a diamond necklace? I'm not saying that's wrong, just that the example makes the underlying dynamic more relatable.

3.) Feeling threatened - dive trips generally do not entail sipping Pina coladas by a sandy beach while the buff and beautiful cast of Baywatch jaunts back and forth and bikini-clad supermodels strike poses, but I suspect some people don't like it when their spouse goes off 'unsupervised' in group activities where there are participants of the opposite sex. No one will care to admit this about themselves, and some may be tempted to vilify people who feel this way as insecure, but look at the adultery and divorce statistics before you judge.

4.) Enmeshment/Rejection - has a negative perception in our society, but people often get married in part to 'be together,' and a solo vacation says 'I'm gonna go have fun without you.' This topic has been addressed in other threads, and can be a little touchy. Some couples are 'joined at the hip,' as they say, and some would bite each others' heads off if they didn't get some 'me time.' Some couples make diving a 'couple activity' and won't dive without each other; some people do what they like, and if their partner wishes to join the fun, they're welcome, and I'm gonna do what I wanna do! If this is your 1st solo vacation in 17 years with her, well...

Nobody wants to be perceived as selfish, jealous and insecure, or overdependent and 'clingy,' so these aren't easy topics to get at. But if one is in play, it could be important.

Richard.

P.S.: You might want to use your smart phone for convenience and take a few photos every day and shoot off an e-mail saying you're thinking about her, and sharing the experience with her as much as you can. Might smooth things over a bit. Unless she reads this thread and hates my guts.

Doctor of... ?

 

[drrich2]

Not playing off my day job, just a few possibilities thrown at the wall to see what, if anything, sticks in case it helps. One, some or none of the possibilities I mentioned could be in play, and it may well be a very minor matter I'm grossly over-thinking. But they say fore-warned is fore-armed.

 

[Thomas Kent]

I would wear something long regardless, just for protection against scrapes and scratches. So either you could buy a full length skin (like from Mako spearguns, which I have and like), then wear the shorty on top, or just buy a 3 mm full. It won't be your last opportunity to wear the 3 mm full for short, since it is kind of standard gear across tropical diving. And if you went somewhere colder you could always layer the shorty on top.

Saw a descent Aqua lung 3 mil full on Leisure Pro for $100 shipped. You make a great point won't be my last opportunity to wear a 3 full, plus who doesn't love getting new gear!

 

[rick00001967]

Question, so I have a 3 mil shorty - You guys and gals think the 3 mil shorty will suffice, or should I start looking at 3 or 5 mil fulls?

all depends how well you tolerate being in the water. sounds like you have done cold water diving so coz should be a tad better. haha so perhaps the shorty might be ok. for many it is. but i personally prefer a full suit. i dived a full 1mm for a long time when in warm water. i got a new henderson thermaxx 3mm awhile back and love it. i was much more comfortable on longer dives and wayyyy more comfortable on the second or third dives of the day.

 

[jmb]

If you do get a full suit, it still wouldn't hurt to bring the shorty. I wear a 3 mil full suit for the 2 morning dives, and use the 3 mil shorty with a skin for the afternoon dive. It's always nice to have a dry suit to put on !

 

[scrane]

My wife and I usually do one overseas trip a year together. She goes off on her own to visit her Mom and the grandkids several times a year on her own. I usually take one or two dive trips alone because she doesn't dive and gets bored hanging out. We keep everything pretty even.

I always dive a front zip shorty in tropical waters. I often bring a zipper vest along too. I can get in and out of my shorty easily while others are struggling with their full suits. Also, weighting is a breeze and freedom of movement is great. And, you can actually feel the water around you! Occasionally I'll encounter a floating stinger, but not often. If you are worried about getting scratched up you're doing something wrong.

 

[AdivingBel]

Thermal protection is personal and varies widely. I'll be there in late April and diving in a full lycra skin. I'll toss in my hooded vest in case I get chilly, but I won't use it. I generally only do two morning dives in Coz. Afternoon dives get in the way of lunch, pool/nap time, and dinner rezzies. Too much relaxing stuff to do to dive all day, everyday in Coz. When I want to do that much diving I'll go someplace remote or a liveaboard. All IMHO, YMMV. Have fun.

 

[MrBigfins]

As for thermal protection, I dive swim trunks and rash guard 2-5 dives a day for up to 3 weeks straight while in Cozumel. I normally take a day or 2 off somewhere.

 

[Thomas Kent]

I do like being warm, last dive in Lake Huron was 48F at 95-100 feet. Even my 7 mil didn’t cut it there. I plan on diving as much as possible everyday while in Coz, so thermal protection might be really needed.