Firstly, I think you did a good job with all of it and during the event I probably would have done pretty much the same, because my first thoughts would be "what are you telling me for", and "I don't want to overstep the DM, go ask her". In armchair quarterback mode and after thinking about it for several minutes, I believe one good solution would have been to try to make them understand to do a swimming ascent to 15 feet while I chased after the DM to let her know.
On every boat dive I've had, the DM has asked beforehand if anyone needs a buddy and stated "I can either set you up with someone else or you can dive with me". At this point, I think that's the only thing I really fault her with; I personally feel that as the master of the dive she should have made sure everyone's role was sorted out. Conversely, I suppose one could argue that each diver should be responsible for raising that issue. Failing that, I can only come up with three possibilities:
1. She's a crappy buddy
2. She thought of the three of you as a dive trio
3. She determined that you were competent enough to be solo in the group
Without having been there, I would have to give her the benefit of the doubt and heavily discount the possibility of #1.
derwood brings up an excellent point, although, gosh, I can't imagine the possibility of miscommunication underwater!
Once it became apparent that he'd be my buddy for the next dive, I would probably have at the least told him, "don't be offended when I ask you frequently what your pressure is; I do that with all my buddies". I have to admit that I'd probably actually be comforted seeing firsthand that if he does run out of air he's not going to completely freak out, he does ok as an air recipient, and he's even ready for more after it happened (I think I might be shaken enough to call it a day). On a different boat you could just as easily get paired with someone who'd yank your primary from behind when you were on an exhale and then take you on an elevator ride.
Bottom line, I strongly feel that as certified divers we are each in charge of our dive (within the buddy team), regardless of whose fins we're chasing. Even if we're being guided by a DM or instructor acting as a DM, we're responsible for our own air management, navigation, and safety (did I omit anything?). The last time anyone else has any significant responsibility for any of us is during open water dive #4 (or whatever is appropriate to the certifying agency). With c-cards in hand we're supposed to know the rules and we're supposed to dive within our skills and limitations. Even if a divemaster talked me into doing something I didn't feel capable of, it's still really my responsibility unless s/he strapped me down, plummeted me to 150', and pulled me by my regulator into the wreck.
As far as your #3, I don't think 'lecture' is quite the right word, but I think the DMs I've been with would probably mention it with the intent of turning it into a good learning experience for everyone. I don't think of that as part of their job, but more as an 'above & beyond'. She might have felt that it was best not mentioned since she was so far out in front, or who knows - maybe she'd gotten chewed out the previous week for lecturing people.
On your #4, no, he definitely shouldn't have been penalized by not being allowed on the next dive - it's not like he was going up to people, ripping their regulators out, then swimming away while laughing maniacally. He ran out of air, it happens, that's why we're taught how to deal with it.
As to your #5, I would've waited on the bottom, too. I would cheerfully admit that it's not strictly within the purview of the buddy system, but I'd wait nonetheless.
With regard to your #1, my expectations of the DM are formed by my experience and my interpretation of the title 'dive master'. I see the dive master as being the overall organizer of the dive portion of the trip. I fully expect the dive master to give us an accurate, comprehensive pre-dive briefing, including where the currents are, what the depth is, what we're likely to see, and where the cool stuff is. Post dive, they're supposed to make sure everyone got back (with respect to the sport, not the court). That's what they're good for. Anything more than that is just gravy. Even if it's billed as a guided tour, well, even those 15% showed you stuff and got you back home, so at worst they earned a 'C', with B and A being handed out to the ones who go above and beyond. At no point should they treat you as less than a certified diver unless you act as such, and I don't think that anyone could even say that about mr. hoover.
Thanks for sharing.
