No. I'm drenched in liquid sunshine.
Dumb replies to questions...
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humanFish
Contributor
(while watching a ski movie)
him: "How big was that jump that guy just did?"
me: "The narrator just said it was approximately 125 feet"
him "Wooooow!!!! So, how far *is* that????"
(talking about weights and measures - he was a machinist? (not a question, but still dumb))
me: "How many centimeters in an inch?" (I knew it was somewhere between 3 & 3.5)
him: "I don't know, like 10"
me: "TEN!!! Are you kidding me? I thought you were a machinist"
him:"I don't know, anytime I need to know something like that I just convert it."
(watching him slide his finger across the back of a raw marinated chicken and licking his fingers)
me: "Hey, watch out...you could get samonella from that!!!"
him "sam-a-waht?" (another lick...)
(comes home with some carpet cleaner and looks for a stain on the carpet)
him: (pacing around a 10 square foot area, trying to find a stain that had since been removed)
"Now, where is that stain?"
me: "If you can't see it then it's probably not worth cleaning again"
him: "I think it was here" (sprays cleaner on floor wipes it in, now the carpet REALLY has a mark on it)
I could go on....and on. My friends would come over and ask where he was and we'd invite him to hang out with us. It was like having a pet caveman...
him: "How big was that jump that guy just did?"
me: "The narrator just said it was approximately 125 feet"
him "Wooooow!!!! So, how far *is* that????"
(talking about weights and measures - he was a machinist? (not a question, but still dumb))
me: "How many centimeters in an inch?" (I knew it was somewhere between 3 & 3.5)
him: "I don't know, like 10"
me: "TEN!!! Are you kidding me? I thought you were a machinist"
him:"I don't know, anytime I need to know something like that I just convert it."
(watching him slide his finger across the back of a raw marinated chicken and licking his fingers)
me: "Hey, watch out...you could get samonella from that!!!"
him "sam-a-waht?" (another lick...)
(comes home with some carpet cleaner and looks for a stain on the carpet)
him: (pacing around a 10 square foot area, trying to find a stain that had since been removed)
"Now, where is that stain?"
me: "If you can't see it then it's probably not worth cleaning again"
him: "I think it was here" (sprays cleaner on floor wipes it in, now the carpet REALLY has a mark on it)
I could go on....and on. My friends would come over and ask where he was and we'd invite him to hang out with us. It was like having a pet caveman...
Try 2.54
Just last week at a fast food place:
Young man over the speaker: Sir, would you like that cheeseburger, with or without cheese?
Me: Uhhhhhh......preferably with. I'll take it off when I get the burger. By the way, could I get that on a Sesame Seed bun without the Sesame Seeds.
Young man over the speaker: Sir, I don't think we put seeds on our buns.
Me: Ok, great! I have a hard time getting them out of my teeth anyway. Thanks.
Young man over the speaker: Sir, would you like that cheeseburger, with or without cheese?
Me: Uhhhhhh......preferably with. I'll take it off when I get the burger. By the way, could I get that on a Sesame Seed bun without the Sesame Seeds.
Young man over the speaker: Sir, I don't think we put seeds on our buns.
Me: Ok, great! I have a hard time getting them out of my teeth anyway. Thanks.
Buoyant1
Contributor
Heard this one just PRIOR to Christmas....
I have a friend that works as a Catholic Church secretary and she said that right before Christmas she receives COUNTLESS calls from people asking :
"What time is Midnight Mass?"
I have a friend that works as a Catholic Church secretary and she said that right before Christmas she receives COUNTLESS calls from people asking :
"What time is Midnight Mass?"
While at a farmer's market in Madison, WI, standing at a vendor who had the most amazing cheese bread advertised as "Pure Wisconsin Cheese Bread," the lady behind me asked, "Does this cheese bread have fat in it?"
My friend turned around and just said, "uhhhhh yyyya."
My friend turned around and just said, "uhhhhh yyyya."
crpntr133
lost, even with a compass
My favorite one from my fast food days. Someone pulls up to the drive thru.
Order taker. Can I take your order please.
Person in car. Yes, I will have a cheeseburger, fry and a large Coke...and can you make that to go.
NO you have to park your car and come in and eat it!! We got them all the time.
Order taker. Can I take your order please.
Person in car. Yes, I will have a cheeseburger, fry and a large Coke...and can you make that to go.
NO you have to park your car and come in and eat it!! We got them all the time.
Parrothead_Diver
Contributor
This is not really a question, but it is related to the fast food days...crpntr133:
I used to love it when a POS (Person of Size) would come in and order the following:
Double Cheeseburger, Large Fry, Chocolate Cake and a "Small Diet Coke".
C'mon... Who you are they trying to fool....
From the Top Ten questions board prominently posted at the Wreck Bar, Rum Point, Grand Cayman:
Q.Where can I go snorkeling?
A.You might want to try in the water
Q.Where can I find the water?
A.It starts behind you, where the land ends.
Q.Are there shops to buy souveniers at Stingray City?
A.Payment is in $quid only.
Q.Can I swim under the island?
A.You can try. Please pay your bar tab first.
Q.Where can I get some sun?
A.Well, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west...
Q.Can I get change in US$?
A.Toto, you're not in Kansas anymore.
Q.Do you sell rum drinks?
A.Welcome to Rum Point!
Q.Where can I go snorkeling?
A.You might want to try in the water
Q.Where can I find the water?
A.It starts behind you, where the land ends.
Q.Are there shops to buy souveniers at Stingray City?
A.Payment is in $quid only.
Q.Can I swim under the island?
A.You can try. Please pay your bar tab first.
Q.Where can I get some sun?
A.Well, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west...
Q.Can I get change in US$?
A.Toto, you're not in Kansas anymore.
Q.Do you sell rum drinks?
A.Welcome to Rum Point!
dilligaf368
Guest
How about when You come home and say "Hi Honey, Where are You?" She will answer "I'm Here!"
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