I've had more than my share of deaths of loved ones. The latest was my dad the day after Thanksgiving 3 years ago. Working on my Black Friday sales when the phone rang and a doctor from the VA hospital was on the other line. My wife died in 2010 on January 7th. Honestly, it doesn't bet better so much as it gets "different." You go through all the stages of grief. Guilt, anger, blame, and eventually something that seems to be called acceptance. But some of it you never really accept.
Much of that is because of the bullcrap from religious people that say "it was part of some invisible man in the sky's plan." Really? The way they went was part of some plan?
Well, whoever planned that was a real prick.
It's easier to deal with those who told me "S#*T happens" and "people die and there's nothing you can do about it."
To find out the way you did is horrible. It's how I find out my mother was murdered by a drunk driver when I was 17.
When my wife passed there was advance knowledge so there was time to prepare as best as possible. I was in the hospital room with her for the 4 days she was in a coma before she went. That was an example of grief.
My mother? No. No time to prepare. That was pure rage and PTSD that I mistakenly didn't deal with for years.
In the 70's you didn't have as many resources now who are professionally trained. You were told to man up and move on.
Peter, I am glad to hear you are seeing a therapist. I sincerely hope it is someone specifically trained in trauma/PTSD therapy. I would, based on my own experiences, consider this more than having to deal with the grief of losing a loved one. This was a trauma to you and your wife. An injury that needs to be treated by someone that knows how to see it as that.
