Death of my Son, I need some help

[Joe Cool]

Everyone keeps telling me to trust in God. I’m so mad at God. Which is an issue, because I’m a deacon and associate pastor at a church I’ve been a member of for a long time. I want nothing to do with God and at this point don’t even know if I could be considered a Christian.

Have any of you been through this? Are you willing to talk about it either here or in PM? How did you get through it? I’ve lost parents, best friends, siblings and mentors. This is 100x worse than I could imagine, and I wouldn’t wish it on the worst person. How did you survive?

I ask here, and not on some random grieving forum, because over the last decade I’ve come to know you guys somewhat. You’re not a complete stranger and we have a some history through these threads.

I have just stumbled upon your thread while going through the various subjects in this forum after a long absence. I know you started this thread back in 2019 so I may be a bit late to offer a bit of encouragement to help you move on from this unfortunate event in your life.

Your first post asked for people who have gone through a similar loss to share how they went through this. Well, there is one person I know who went through the same thing, even worse. His name is Job.

If you have not read and studied the Book of Job, I encourage you to do so. I am sure you will relate to his story.

 

[Superlyte27]

I have just stumbled upon your thread while going through the various subjects in this forum after a long absence. I know you started this thread back in 2019 so I may be a bit late to offer a bit of encouragement to help you move on from this unfortunate event in your life.

Your first post asked for people who have gone through a similar loss to share how they went through this. Well, there is one person I know who went through the same thing, even worse. His name is Job.

If you have not read and studied the Book of Job, I encourage you to do so. I am sure you will relate to his story.

People’s teachings of Job always pisses me off. They always talk about how Job got a double blessing of everything when all was said and done. Which is hilarious. I’ve actually become a millionaire in the last year. Guess what I don’t have though, and neither did Job.... our kid back.

 

[drrich2]

People’s teachings of Job always pisses me off.

The Book of Job is one of the most frightening books in the Bible. Many of us hope Christians have 'the hook up' with God, who, as long as we don't commit any extremely bad (in our own eyes) sins, will send prosperity and protection our way. There's even a name for it...the prosperity Gospel. And many a Pastor will tell you...it's not Biblical. Jesus, the Disciples who became the Apostles, particularly Paul whose letters form a big chunk of the New Testament...had no address on 'Easy Street.' Job's account shows us what we'd consider a 'good man' who's done nothing 'extremely bad' can endure terrible tragedy and suffering. If there is a higher purpose to it, it may involve an agenda he's not aware of and thus can't be mindful of. When Job got an audience with God, as I recall it mostly explained Job's lack of standing to challenge God's ways...it was not an apology for what was allowed to happen to Job.

Instead, we live in a fallen world, mankind has departed from God's plan, we have free will, and we can make bad choices that damage the lives of other people. Including innocent people. Even if there is a higher purpose when tragedy strikes...if your child is dead, how much does that matter to you now, in this life?

It is written that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose. On the other hand...God got very angry over things that happened (e.g.: leading up to the Babylonian captivity), and Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus. It seems God gets upset over tragedy, too.

Superlyte27, given that you are a Christian, and have looked to the counsel of others who've also had tragic losses, I know a book that might be of interest. Not easy answers, quick clarity, etc... When God Doesn't Answer Your Prayer, by Jerry Sittser. He was a Christian, had a job related to that, and I suppose we'd consider him a pretty 'clean-living' guy. Then a car accident took his mother, wife, youngest daughter and he couldn't even break down to grieve because he was now a single parent to surviving children, including one in a body cast. He didn't leave the Church, nor focus on denial. He sought what explanation could be found in a determined inquiry into Scripture.

I'm not saying it'll give you closure. Some things in this life are so terrible I don't know if closure is practical for many. I hope you find something of value in it.

 

[The Chairman]

When my son passed, I must tell you, that I resented people using the occasion to preach to me. I got the feeling that some saw me as an easy target during my grief, and that I had somehow become their prey. Obviously, my emotions were raw and I never allowed my irritations to devolve into hate. However, I learned a thing or two in the process.

We all grieve in our own way and we all grieve for others in our own way as well. Myself? Well, I found solace in service, i.e: doing things for others. My disgust for the prosletyzers soon became pity and then mellowed even further into a begrudging understanding. They meant well, but they were as much at a loss to help me grieve as I was in how to grieve. They wanted to help, they just didn't know how. It's important to keep in mind that we're all in this life together and none of us are getting out alive. Be good to each other. If you're not doing it already, learn what it means to forebear one another.

 

[Superlyte27]

The Book of Job is one of the most frightening books in the Bible. Many of us hope Christians have 'the hook up' with God, who, as long as we don't commit any extremely bad (in our own eyes) sins, will send prosperity and protection our way. There's even a name for it...the prosperity Gospel. And many a Pastor will tell you...it's not Biblical. Jesus, the Disciples who became the Apostles, particularly Paul whose letters form a big chunk of the New Testament...had no address on 'Easy Street.' Job's account shows us what we'd consider a 'good man' who's done nothing 'extremely bad' can endure terrible tragedy and suffering. If there is a higher purpose to it, it may involve an agenda he's not aware of and thus can't be mindful of. When Job got an audience with God, as I recall it mostly explained Job's lack of standing to challenge God's ways...it was not an apology for what was allowed to happen to Job.

Instead, we live in a fallen world, mankind has departed from God's plan, we have free will, and we can make bad choices that damage the lives of other people. Including innocent people. Even if there is a higher purpose when tragedy strikes...if your child is dead, how much does that matter to you now, in this life?

It is written that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose. On the other hand...God got very angry over things that happened (e.g.: leading up to the Babylonian captivity), and Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus. It seems God gets upset over tragedy, too.

Superlyte27, given that you are a Christian, and have looked to the counsel of others who've also had tragic losses, I know a book that might be of interest. Not easy answers, quick clarity, etc... When God Doesn't Answer Your Prayer, by Jerry Sittser. He was a Christian, had a job related to that, and I suppose we'd consider him a pretty 'clean-living' guy. Then a car accident took his mother, wife, youngest daughter and he couldn't even break down to grieve because he was now a single parent to surviving children, including one in a body cast. He didn't leave the Church, nor focus on denial. He sought what explanation could be found in a determined inquiry into Scripture.

I'm not saying it'll give you closure. Some things in this life are so terrible I don't know if closure is practical for many. I hope you find something of value in it.

Thanks man

 

[Superlyte27]

I think, actually, I know my biggest anger is with God. But that venom I feel for him bleeds on to everything, even some of the goobers on SB.

I know I’m not unique. I’ve met parents who lost all their children. But my anger with God is because I felt I should have been spared this time. Abuse as a child, the stuff like movies are made from that endured for years. If you can imagine it, I endured it. Yes the really really sick stuff. Losing my house in the middle of the night to a hurricane and no flood insurance because I was 8 miles from a body of water. The. My spinal injury. God, I had to endure losing a kid too? My mom died just a couple of months later. Today is her birthday. What’s next? The wife?

This all powerful, omnipresent, omnipotent God COULD have spared me this one time, but didn’t like me enough to do so. It just pisses me off. Would you ever let your kid suffer like this if you had the power to prevent it?

I know all the cliches’. Everything to the gory of God’s Kingdom, He works in mysterious ways, blah blah blah. Oh, I love, “God knew you were strong enough to handle this”. NO I’M NOT. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BROKEN I AM OR WHAT A BROKEN ME IS CAPABLE OF.

Any way. I’ll keep pressing on. What choice do I have. I love you guys. Thanks for the help.

 

[Bubblesong]

I’ve never lost a child, but I know that I could, given what I hear/read about, and knowing my Mom buried three children. Well, I’ve cried for your loss and my anxiety, but I’m still going to blindly, stupidly love my kids guts for whatever we get out of our time on earth, because I don’t know any other way forward but living in love.

 

[The Chairman]

I know I’m not unique.

We all are and that's cool. It's what makes the world an interesting place. We go through our individual triumphs and tragedies a bit differently because of that.

 

[Vallonen]

I think, actually, I know my biggest anger is with God. But that venom I feel for him bleeds on to everything, even some of the goobers on SB.

I know I’m not unique. I’ve met parents who lost all their children. But my anger with God is because I felt I should have been spared this time. Abuse as a child, the stuff like movies are made from that endured for years. If you can imagine it, I endured it. Yes the really really sick stuff. Losing my house in the middle of the night to a hurricane and no flood insurance because I was 8 miles from a body of water. The. My spinal injury. God, I had to endure losing a kid too? My mom died just a couple of months later. Today is her birthday. What’s next? The wife?

This all powerful, omnipresent, omnipotent God COULD have spared me this one time, but didn’t like me enough to do so. It just pisses me off. Would you ever let your kid suffer like this if you had the power to prevent it?

I know all the cliches’. Everything to the gory of God’s Kingdom, He works in mysterious ways, blah blah blah. Oh, I love, “God knew you were strong enough to handle this”. NO I’M NOT. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BROKEN I AM OR WHAT A BROKEN ME IS CAPABLE OF.

Any way. I’ll keep pressing on. What choice do I have. I love you guys. Thanks for the help.

If this has been your path in life I would say it's not father that is putting you through this, but the other consciousness a religious person would have a name for. The consciousness that is in direct OPPOSITION of father, apparently it decided to target you and do what it could to break you and your spirit down during your journey here. Which is most likely why your life sucked from the beginning with you getting such a rough start!

Since we are created in his image (fathers image) you are therefore a part of God. Which means, that the attack on you, from day one, and on ONE level, is an attack on father himself!

Perhaps looking at it this way will help as well as help with you not being to angered with the creator. In any case, do not ever let it break you down.

Find a path to not let it consume you.

All the best to you and your wife.

I know I’m not unique

We all have our path here and various forms of resistance and I suppose interference etc, it will all be different for each and everyone of us, some have it much worse than others. I am grateful that my life has been fairly kind to me, which could change at any moment in time. I really have no control over it, other than what I chose to give too it. I don't know how else to put it.

 

[Superlyte27]

If this has been your path in life I would say it's not father that is putting you through this, but the other consciousness a religious person would have a name for. The consciousness that is in direct OPPOSITION of father, apparently it decided to target you and do what it could to break you and your spirit down during your journey here. Which is mostly likely why your life sucked from the beginning with you getting such a rough start!

Since we are ALL created in his image (fathers image) you are therefore a part of God. Which means, that the attack on you, from day one, and on ONE level, is an attack on father himself!

Perhaps looking at it this way will help as well as help with you not being to angered with the creator. In any case, do not ever let it break you down.

Find a path to not let it consume you.

All the best to you and your wife.

I know I’m not unique

We all have our path here and various forms of resistance and I suppose interference etc, it will all be different for each and everyone of us, some have it much worse than others. I am grateful that my life has been fairly kind to me, which could change at any moment in time. I really have no control over it, other than what I chose to give too it. I don't know how else to put it.

Thanks. This is a perspective I had not considered.