British Holy Ark II request Joke

[Irishdiver]

Scuba Jim once bubbled...
your wife into photography, know what I mean, know what I mean? Nudge nudge.

Is she a goer? Say no more say no more.

Ahhh, indeed, Irish. Pointy Mython.

Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings with horned helmets on. A man and his wife enter.

Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear.
Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right.
Man (to Waitress): Morning!
Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam...
Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...
Vikings (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY spam!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife (shrieks): I don't like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings (singing): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings (singing elaborately): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

Hmmm. I think I'm beginning to see Scuberd's point, SJ!
I used to have a number of the sketches on MP3 when napster was still going strong. Lost them all when my computer crashed and burned. Now I can begin my collection all over again, thanks to you. But it's just not the same without the strangled voices of Chapman and Jones...do you do impersonations?
BTW, if you have the words to the lumberjack song/sketch I'd like a copy! ut:

 

[Scuba Jim]

Leaping from tree to tree! As they float down the mighty rivers of
British Columbia! With my best girl by my side!
The Larch!
The Pine!
The Giant Redwood tree!
The Sequoia!
The Little Whopping Rule Tree!
We'd sing! Sing! Sing!


Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.

CHORUS: He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the lava-try.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,
He goes to the lava-try.
On Wednesdays 'e goes shoppin'
And has buttered scones for tea.

CHORUS

I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing,
And hang around in bars.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around.... In bars???????

CHORUS

I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspendies and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels
Suspendies?? and a .... a Bra????
(spoken, raggedly) What's this? Wants to be a *girlie*? Oh, My!
And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!

CHORUS

All: He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaaaayyy..... (BONG)

 

[Irishdiver]

Sad, very sad. Even sadder than me. And the reply was instant, so you're obviously underoccupied. Do you work for the civil service by any chance? But thanks.

 

[Scuba Jim]

Actually I am waiting for my printer to stop printing and then when it has stopped printing I will start it printing again, as my printer only takes 250 sheets at a time....

Oh the drudgery of printing!

 

[Irishdiver]

...I wonder if we should read anything into the fact that somewhere on your PC/Mac you keep the words of a song about cross dressing...anything else interesting on your hard drive that you'd rather not tell the world about? ut:

 

[clive francis]

nothing like a good old play on words!

 

[Scuba Jim]

So you've seen the pictures of me and that sheep. Damn. A quick holiday in Wales, a few too many beers and I have to live with the shame of it for the rest of my life!

Acttually, this is all you need to know: http://bau2.uibk.ac.at/sg/python

I have it in my list of favourites, sad old git that I am!

 

[clive francis]

i can't see how people keep saying that monty python is british humor, yes it was a fair few yews ago, but thank god we have moved on since then, Red Dwarf, Ali G, Dennis Pennis, Black Adder etc.

monty python is the most unfunny stuff i have seen

 

[Scuba Jim]

It is certainly British humour - after all, they weren't Chinese, were they?

Yes, some of it looks a little dated now, but their influence on future comedians is undeniable.

I am sure that all of the people on your list of funnies would put the Python team on their list of funnies.

 

[Irishdiver]

Thanks for the link ScubaJim. A treasure trove of memories.
There was a 'Mincing by numbers' sketch that I thought was very funny but can't seem to find on that site. Maybe it's listed under another theme? Does it ring a bell?
I don't know about MPFC being British humour, Clive, but I think it's fair to describe it as classic humour. Appeals to us oldies. ut: