American Language?

[DPJ]

:e18:

WE commonly use the term Yanks but as i found out when i said that to someone from Carolina (angry) that it doesn't fly for southerners....

 

[Scuba_Jenny]

An oldie but goodie...

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": --

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil sevants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.

By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaning "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!

 

[Azza]

An oldie but goodie...

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": --

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil sevants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.

By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaning "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!

ROFL

 

[PhocaVitulina]

I think Americans are Americans because we are the only country on either American continent that has no other commonly accepted identifying word. I think there was a brief time where intellectuals were offering weird forms of making "United States" an identifier, but it isn't something that leads to an easy 'word', and taking only one of the words leads to an even more ambiguous problem.

Speaking of weird identifiers, what do English-speakers call citizens of the UAE? :-D

I refer to people from Scotland as Scottish, people from Wales as Welsh, and people from Northern Ireland as uhhh... Irish unless they instruct me otherwise. That seems to be the common practice. I go with what people would like to be called, regardless of official national boundaries. Of course, I don't mind being called a Californian either, though it is not correct nationally.

Oh, and I speak the American west dialect of English, without going full valley-speak. It's a lot like the.. uh... English dialect of English but we've removed a number of "u's" to cut costs. Oh, and "knocked up", "spotted dick", and "rubber" are not commonly used in polite conversation, though the latter can be so long as it refers to diving. Lastly, Marmite AND Vegemite (for the Australian dialect of English) are not in the American dialect, nor in the American digestive system.

Phoca

 

[Tanked Monkey]

I read a post in a thread recently that the language on this forum is supposed to be "American". Im not sure I understand what that would be. I would have posted on that thread but it is now closed. I was kind of surprised that statement made it thru the mods. What does anyone else think? And if you think I am over reacting, what is the primary language you speak? Thanks for your time

ScubaTwo,

I believe the post to which you are referring is mine, in the "To snorkel or not to snorkel" thread, around post 500 or so. http://www.scubaboard.com/showthread.php?p=1061610 I apologize if you didn't see the irony/joke in my statement. I will clarify.

Previous to my "American" post, another person said "snorkel? que'st que c'est?" I didn't understand his comment. I was attempting to be the big dumb American, which I admittedly am, by saying it was not in the forum's usual language (English), and making a little joke, complete with the smiley. It was a lighthearted attempt at humor. Several mods were monitoring that thread because it hit sich a high number of posts (511). In fact, the person who said "snorkel? que'st que c'est?" is in fact a moderator too, and I believe he got the joke, hence his reply. That thread is now closed because it went back and forth and back and forth, effectively beating the topic to death.

Now that it's been explained, it's not that funny anymore, is it?

Mike

 

[Tanked Monkey]

Now that it's been explained, it's not that funny anymore, is it?

Hmmm, now that I think about it, it wasn't too funny in the first place either.

 

[drbill]

btw, how arrogant is it of we “Americans” to usurp the word “American” as if it only applies to us in the United States? Folks from Canada to Chile and Argentina live in the Americas. Therefore aren’t they also Americans? The problem is that I don’t know a good alternative term for citizens/residents of the United States of America. “United Statesians” just doesn’t seem to cut it. I’ll bet the ‘stralians have a few choice alternatives.

Hear, hear (or is it here, here?). I speak English! I live in the United States (of America) on the North American continent. I respect my friends in all other American countries whether they be North, Central or South. I must admit it would be great if they all spoke English too (selfish, I know), they don't.

As for my friends from Canada, Australia, Great Britain, Scotland, Belize, New Zealand, Alabama and Texas- you sure speak strange variants of English, but I can usually understand you. I wonder if you can understand me.

I like to consider myself primarily a resident of the planet Earth (although some have suggested Xanadu may be more appropriate), and will try to understand any language a poster uses here or speaks face-to-face. I may not succeed, but I will try.

Dr. Bill