A risk worth taking ????

[RocketMan]

...[snip]...

My concern and questions aren't about my Dad. They're about MY actions to his decision to continue.

Your dad sounds as strong will as my dad was, before his death. Once his mind was made up no one could get him to change it. As far as your actions, I would ask him if his will was complete and if all funeral arrangements made. If not I'd help him get those in order (I did that for my dad). Then if he is happy with that I would spend time with him, even diving, and chariest the time spent with him. Anyway, I don't mean to sound blunt and I hope your situation works out for the best. Take care.

 

[DandyDon]

I just learned this morning that Jo and I are High Plains neighbors, and now I'm wondering if I've ever dived with her dad. I know a few around here older than me (58)....?

I skipped this thread an hour or so ago, as I felt I was too much of a cowboy diver myself to comment. Then, I thought about the deaths of my parents.

I used to tell my folks to go - travel - enjoy life. "If you die somewhere, we'll come get you, but do what you want."

Mom & Dad came back from a trip to Reno once in 1989, Mom got up the next morning and unpacked everything, then fell over dead. I don't know what the last moments were like, but - I'd say that was a kind way to go.

Dad married again within a year - a nice lady, and surely good for him overall. Looking at tombstones in our home town cemetery, you don't see widowers lasting more than a year often when the wife goes first. In 2002 he broke a hip, and even with his advanced age managed to come back from that pretty well. Then he pushed the envelope and broke the other one. Wasn't long before he was in a nursing home for the rest of his life - the last year wishing he was dead, even asking us to help.

We three kids were pretty supportive through those last couple of years but of course could not assist with that morbid request. His long dying period was tough on us all.

Thinking thru that, had my dad been a diver, and asked to go diving after doctors advised him not to, I would have told him I'd load the gear while he packed some clothes and meds. If I had to pull his dead body out of the water rather than watch him lay in bed for a year - it's be tough, but preferable for us both.

 

[Diver0001]

My concern and questions aren't about my Dad. They're about MY actions to his decision to continue.

So what are you really concerned about? What will happen or how you will respond....?

R..

 

[LavaSurfer]

A few weeks back I posted a thread on senior citizen diving. Everyone pretty much assured me that it was ok for my 68 yr old Dad to dive.
Today I saw our family doctor (who happens to be a personal family friend) and he said how sorry he was that my Dad wouldn't be diving with me anymore. To make a long story short.... My Dad had been to the Dr. with chest pains. He was put on some meds and told no strenuous work, no stress, ect...and no diving. When I asked my Dad about it, he told me he WAS going to keep dive and that if he died doing it that he would die happy. I argued of course, but what do you do? He was diving before I was born and I can't see him stopping. Do I refuse to go with him? If you were in his situation what would you do? If you were in my situation what would you do?

OK, I am going to take one in the chops for this but have you considered a second opinion like maybe a cardiologist for your father?

I am not saying let him dive I am telling you that the philosophy of "Oh they have a bad ticker so keep them in bed" or “Exercise will kill them” is a 1950's attitude. Any good cardiologist would do a complete cardio workup, find what’s causing the pain, repair it if possible and start him on an exercise / rehabilitation plan.

My father had a heart attack a few years back. The first thing they do is fix the issue (Stint in his case), assess the damage and sent him to the gym. Heavy cardio workouts to strengthen what heart muscle he had left.

The real question is “what is causing the chest pains and is it curable or manageable?”
Then you can assess whether he is able to dive.

 

[dpbishop]

I am more concerned with his impact on me rather than him. I can't change his actions! I MIGHT could slow him down, but he's still going to dive. I bet if I called him right now and told him I wasn't diving with him anymore.....I'de call home this weekend and mom would tell me that Dad had gone diving. That's just how he is.

I guess I'll continue diving with him. It's just HORRIBLE thought that Daddy could not plan our next dive. And, I know that the rest of my family will not understand. (but who really cares)

Bottom line: you can only advise him, he will decide what he will do. You have to decide what you will do and I guess the question you have to ask yourself is " Do I want to be there for his last dive?" and I don't mean to imply that his next dive will be his last one, he could go on for years; doctors have been wrong before. But you are the one who will be looking back and asking if what you did was right. If it's true you can't change his mind, and if you think you can stand the sorrow if it happens, then dive with him. I would do so with my Dad in a similar circumstance. I would also look into a rescue class, bone up on cpr, and carry an oxygen tank with me.

One thing to think about; I have friends who have given up a favorite activity beacuse they used to do it with their Dad and they find it to painful to do it without him. Ask yourself how your course of action might effect your love of diving if the worst case happens.

 

[DandyDon]

I think she said earlier he was going to one, then she added this...

You don't understand. DADDY's NOT GOING TO QUIT! It doesn't matter who tells him that. Even if God himself told my Dad to stop. He's not going to. He went to a specialist, but won't tell me what they said. He doesn't want anyone else telling him to stop. My Dad will be the one to choose one more dive over 10 years of life. (but of course in the back of his mind he's saying he'll survive)

My concern and questions aren't about my Dad. They're about MY actions to his decision to continue.

 

[cummings66]

I'm looking at it like this. He's going to dive no matter what. Do you want him diving his last dive with a stranger or family? For me I'd want to be with family if possible.

The only thing I'd watch out for is getting the gear to the beach, boat, whereever. Once in the water the easy part begins, so I'd find a way to get to that part easily.

I suppose for me and how I work it is this way. I could handle him passing on me as long as I knew the event was possible. I've seen far too many people take years to die, often spending the last several in a nursing home or unable to do anything on their own. That is not a way any of those people would have chosen, given the choice in the matter which they didn't have. I would honor their requests as best I could so that they could continue having fun and enjoying life.

If you take away the things that make life worth living, then the person will simply stop living and in no time flat they're gone. That means, I'm with the other guy and his pizza bit. Of course I'm not going to do something that I know WILL result in my untimely demise, but I'm not going to give up the fun things in order to live longer.

 

[JohnL]

That is a tough situation to be in Joh.

My own father gave up allot that he enjoyed doing when the doctors told him he had too. Not an easy thing to watch and I believe that QUALITY of life is just as important as life itself.

Have a frank discussion. It isn't easy, but you will both probably feel better afterward. Ultimately it is his choice.

I hope it goes well for you both,

John

 

[spectrum]

As a DM candidate (per your profile) you probably already are rescue certified. If not it may be time well spent. It may not change antyhing but it could provide some peace of mind.

Pete

 

[Halthron]

As was mentioned, I failed to see what was so strenuous about diving? Sure, if he's carrying his gear to the shoreline up and down a trail but that's being done for him. Once in the water, OW diving isn't that strenuous. Maybe try finding a cardiologist who dives for a third opinion?

If it were my father, I'd prefer to dive with him. If he's going to go anyway, I'd rather spend time together doing something we both enjoy, rather than not go, have him 'go" and then blame myself for not spending time together when we could have. I would also spend years wondering "could I have helped had I been there?"