A new religion?

[Tanked Monkey]

From my wife:
scubarmons - free books on diving in the ancient Americas and special dive skins.

scuba's witnesses - Must tell several non-believers a week about scuba.

scubalasm - must dive 5 times a day and dive in Cozumel before dying.

Sounds like I'm already a scuba's witness. I can't stop thinking/talking about scuba.

Since I'm already a scuba's witness, what is involved with becoming a member of the scubatarians? Do I need to go through a new blood oath? Or just dedicate the other half of my income to that religion?

Mike

 

[Maya]

Scubinduism: you keep coming back as a more advanced diver..

Scupagan: every dive is a celebration

New Scubage: get in touch with your inner diver

Scubawitness: Knock, knock, let's dive!

Scubagnostic: What dive!? I don't see any diving..how do we know we're diving?

Scuba Krishnas: Di-ve, Di-ve (repeat until you surrender to the dive)

 

[DrSteve]

Sounds like I'm already a scuba's witness. I can't stop thinking/talking about scuba.

Since I'm already a scuba's witness, what is involved with becoming a member of the scubatarians? Do I need to go through a new blood oath? Or just dedicate the other half of my income to that religion?

Mike

That and you must enjoy doing it, providing your enjoyment is approved by a vote of not less than 50% of the dive boat.

 

[TwoTanks]

Sounds like I'm already a scuba's witness. I can't stop thinking/talking about scuba.

Since I'm already a scuba's witness, what is involved with becoming a member of the scubatarians? Do I need to go through a new blood oath? Or just dedicate the other half of my income to that religion?

Mike

I dedicate half of my disposable income to that religion, so am I a scubatarian?

TT :god:

 

[DrSteve]

I dedicate half of my disposable income to that religion, so am I a scubatarian?

TT :god:

Half your disposable income? Blasphemer!

 

[DrSteve]

Hmmm I think the initiation ceremony should involve sharing air and perhaps swearing an oath to the great Jacques Cousteau - "sacre bleu" is, I understand, an oath *s******s*

 

[MSilvia]

But will it be tax deductable?!?!?!

It definately could be. I'm no lawyer, but there's legal prescedent for an independant religion beating the IRS in court after revenue agents claimed they couldn't do that because they weren't a real religion. In a nutshell, the court ruled that it isn't the federal government's place to decide which religions are acceptable and which are not. There are some guidelines that must be adhered to however.

THE FIRST AMENDMENT

CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW RESPECTING AN ESTABLISHMENT OF RELIGION, OR PROHIBITING THE FREE EXERCISE THEREOF: OR ABRIDGING THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH, OR OF THE PRESS; OR THE RIGHT OF THE PEOPLE PEACEABLY TO ASSEMBLE, AND TO PETITION THE GOVERNMENT FOR A REDRESS OF GRIEVANCES. 'If there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation, it is that NO official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox in politics, nationalism, religion or other matters of opinion or force citizens to confess by word or act their faith therein, If there are ANY circumstances which permit an exception, they do not now occur to us."

United States Supreme Court (1943) West Virginia State Board of Education v. Barnette, 319 US 624.

IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT
FOR THE EASTERN DISTRICT OF CA.
Universal Life Church, Inc.
Plaintiff -vs- Civil Order No. S-1964 United States Of America Defendant March 1st, 1974 "From the Findings of Fact, the Court concludes, as a matter of law, that the plaintiff should prevail. Certainly, one seeking a tax exemption has the burden of establishing his right to a tax-exempt status. An organization qualifies for an exemption under 26 U.S.C. Sec. 501(c)(3) only if it is 'organized and operated exclusively for religious purposes.' * * *1 In the defendant's Memorandum in Support of its requested Instructions, filed February 28, 1973, 'the Government admits that the plaintiff passes the 'organizational test. '..."

"The Court must then address itself to the defendant's second conclusion: that the ordination of ministers, the granting of church charters and the issuance of Honorary Doctor of Divinity certificates by the plaintiff are substantial activities which do not further any religious purpose. Certainly the ordination of ministers and the chartering of churches are accepted activities of religious organizations. The defendant impliedly admits the same on Page 5 of its Memorandum in Support of its Requested Instructions. The fact that the plaintiff distributed ministers' credentials and Honorary Doctor of Divinity certificates is of no moment. Such activity may be analogized to mass conversions at a typical revival or religious crusade. Neither this Court, nor any branch of this Government, will consider the merits or fallacies of a religion. Nor will the Court compare the beliefs, dogmas, and practices of a newly organized religion with those of an older, more established religion. Nor will the Court praise or condemn a religion, however excellent or fanatical or preposterous it may seem. Were the Court to do so, it would impinge upon the guarantees of the First Amendment..."

"IT IS THEREFORE ORDERED that the plaintiff be and is entitled to a Federal Tax Exemption and to a refund of all monies levied against by the defendant with interest thereon from the date of levy, March 19, 1970. "IT IS FURTHER ORDERED that the defendant's counterclaim be and is dismissed and the plaintiff is entitled to recover the reasonable costs of the suit herein. "IT IS ALSO ORDERED that the plaintiff submit and appropriate judgment in accordance herewith. "Done and dated this 27th day of February, 1974." James F. Batten United States District Judge

Probably the easiest and most hassle-free way to "legitimize" your religious practice would be to get three practicing scubatarians ordained through an umbrella organization like the Universal Life Church, and then formally create a church of your own through them. You'd probably have to make being a Scubatarian minister your primary occupation and hold regular meetings that are open to the public, but if you did so, you'd likely be able to write off beachfront property, a boat, your "religious vestments", a few cases of wine, etc.

 

[ProblemChild]

Half your disposable income? Blasphemer!

Well I think we all know there is no such thing as disposable income. You must tithe it all to scuba!

 

[Tanked Monkey]

snip...
Probably the easiest and most hassle-free way to "legitimize" your religious practice would be to get three practicing scubatarians ordained through an umbrella organization like the Universal Life Church, and then formally create a church of your own through them. You'd probably have to make being a Scubatarian minister your primary occupation and hold regular meetings that are open to the public, but if you did so, you'd likely be able to write off beachfront property, a boat, your "religious vestments", a few cases of wine, etc.

Cool. I can be founding member of the Scubatarians. I'm already an ordained minister through the ULC.

Mike

 

[DrSteve]

Cool. I can be founding member of the Scubatarians. I'm already an ordained minister through the ULC.

Mike

Whoa Mike! Just because you came up with the name, I came up with the concept. Let's not start a break away group before we have tax exemption for our tithes (which I think we should call tides just because it sounds more nautical).