How to spot a "bad buddy" - have you ever refused a buddy?

[modustollens]

Vacation spots with people who are obviously hung over.

 

[Edward3c]

The boasting diver who has to ask how to put their kit together is my top suspect.

I’ve told operators before now not to pair me with particular guides.

On one U.K. dive where I was leading, I had an instructor buddy who kept racing off, I attached a buddy-line to them on dive 2 and let them carry me round. I unclipped it before surfing - they never know and I had a relaxing dive without using much gas.

 

[KatieMac]

The boasting diver who has to ask how to put their kit together is my top suspect.

I get this and agree. At the same time, dive operators often frown on divers putting together their gear even when the diver owns the gear. It's easy to get out of practice when you never do it. So I'd like advice (as a new diver) on how to deal with this.

 

[Diver0001]

Is there anything that's not a "no brainer" that should I look for when I'm on the boat to spot a potentially careless/stupid/dangerous buddy? What about while on our first dive?

I think if you see someone topside who is very nervous then you can expect them to be nervous in the water. Signs of nervousness might not be what you think they should look like. They can look like anything from talking too much to not talking at all, from looking chaotic to checking everything 13 times... to being a boastful know it all to anything in between. On this part all you can do is use your "people radar" and try to select a buddy you "click" with. Talk to them. Ask them about their diving experience, that kind of thing. If someone seems like a communicative team player above water and you get along with them then the chances are that they will be a communicative team player under water too. It doesn't always work this way but I that's my criteria for the first cut and I've seldom been surprised.

Other top side signs have to do with ignoring aspects of training. Someone who skips a buddy check may be careless in other aspects of their diving as well. Someone who doesn't feel the need to make a plan for the dive will very likely be chaotic under water. Someone who acts in charge and maybe a little overbearing top side will probably act like that under water too, perhaps encouraging or even pressuring you to try something you're not ready for.... that kind of thing.

I most CERTAINLY do not equate inexperience to being a bad buddy as some of the replies on this thread would suggest. You don't have to listen to that crap. I've had many inexperienced buddies over the years who were just fine. Being inexperienced AND over-reaching is an issue, especially if you keep important information a secret, but if you make a plan you're happy with and your buddy goes along with it then even lacking experience you should be able to have really good dives.

I'll give you two examples. In Mexico I once dove with a young guy who was really nervous before the dive. He confided in me that he was nervous and said that he had just been certified the day before. In fact, I needed to help him put his gear together because he didn't know how, which gave me an indication of how good/bad his training was. We made a good plan. He stuck to it and we had 2 good dives that day.

On another occasion I was buddied up in Turkey with a guy who had nearly 1000 dives. His raw skills were very good but from the moment his flippers hit the water he deviated from the plan, going deeper than we had discussed and swimming just inches over the bottom. He paid zero attention to me or anyone else in the group. At one point even the DM who we were following signed to me what I thought my buddy was doing.... I had no idea. What it turned out to be is that the diver in question had very strong prescription glasses but he was using a rental mask that didn't have corrective lenses in it. He couldn't see a thing and told me that he needed to dive just above the bottom like that so he didn't get lost. He could have mentioned that before the dive but kept it a secret until it made him look like an idiot.

So yeah.... experience does not automatically equate to being a good buddy and inexperience does not automatically equate to being a poor one.

R..

 

[Soloist]

You might be a bad buddy if:

1. you wait till the last minute to put your gear together
2. you frantically look at other assembled kits on the boat in an attempt to figure out how to put your gear together
3. the DM assembles your gear because you really don’t have a clue
4. the DM pulls you aside and states “you don’t have to do this dive”, but you dive anyway
5. you have your inflator at the ready to place in your mouth as the captain is yelling “dive, dive, dive” until one of the other divers (me) screams at you to put your REGULATOR in your mouth instead
6. you flail around in the water like a stray cat on crack

All of this happened with a “diver” on the first of two dives on a boat in Florida. Two of us informed the DM of the obvious confusion exhibited by this individual, so he correctly stepped in to assist.

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

The boasting diver who has to ask how to put their kit together is my top suspect.

I’ve told operators before now not to pair me with particular guides.

On one U.K. dive where I was leading, I had an instructor buddy who kept racing off, I attached a buddy-line to them on dive 2 and let them carry me round. I unclipped it before surfing - they never know and I had a relaxing dive without using much gas.

... I used to have a dive buddy like that ... we called him "scooter" ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

And has anyone ever had an experience where you've told the DM or whatever "I'm not diving with that person again, period" and looked for a new buddy?

Yes, and in describing him I'll point out what I think you should look for.

It was in Bonaire, on an afternoon boat dive out to Klein Bonaire. I'd already three dives that day, and told my assigned dive buddy that I wanted to stay above 60 feet. He (a German fellow) said "yah", and that's what I thought the plan was. But once we got in the water he proceeded straight downslope. At 60 feet I signaled for us to level out. He looked at me and proceeded to go deeper. At 80 feet I got emphatic. Again he ignored my signal to level off and proceeded deeper. At 100 feet I stopped and watched him continue on downslope ... which was dumb because in Bonaire there's very little to see at that depth on most dive sites. I tried getting his attention, but he was looking straight down and continuing deeper. At that point I left him and swam back up to 60 feet to join the guide and those people he was leading. I didn't see my "dive buddy" again until after the dive was over ... he was already back on the boat when we surfaced, having gone through is air at 120+ feet while the rest of us were enjoying the reef. After surface interval he acted like we were going to buddy again. I told the dive guide what happened and that I would not be comfortable going back in the water with this fellow. And I didn't.

Now, what to look for. First thing you should do is go over a dive plan. If for any reason he seems disinterested in talking about it ... or he gives you the impression he's got a "my dive" attitude instead of an "our dive" attitude, find another dive buddy. Experience is less a factor in being a good buddy than attitude. Experience will help you develop good buddy skills, but only if you're actually interested in being a dive buddy ... which entails quite a bit more than just jumping in the water at roughly the same place and time as another diver.

As a new diver, I'd avoid diving with anybody who's carrying a camera (if that's possible) ... most divers with cameras have either not developed very good buddy skills, or are neglecting them because they're a lower priority than getting that "perfect" shot ... and at best you'll end up doing all the work needed to keep the team together, which means you probably won't be able to relax and enjoy the dive.

I'll disagree with those who've said to avoid someone like yourself ... being new is less an impediment to good buddy diving than being self-absorbed. Be honest about your experience level, and make a sincere attempt to discuss the dive plan, as well as your expectations of how to dive together. If they're unwilling to talk about it, they're going to be even less willing to put effort into doing it. And that's a pretty good indication that this isn't the person you're going to be comfortable diving with.

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[EastEndDiver]

Anyone with a camera they are the worst......ask me how I know........I always dive with a camera I am a terrible buddy.

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

I get this and agree. At the same time, dive operators often frown on divers putting together their gear even when the diver owns the gear. It's easy to get out of practice when you never do it. So I'd like advice (as a new diver) on how to deal with this.

Many dive ops around the world mandate that their crew put your gear together for you. I don't generally want them to, but have learned to just let them do their job (the hired help doesn't make the policy, after all ... but they do have to follow it if they expect to remain employed). Then after they're done I will go inspect their work, and if anything seems amiss I will correct it.

In your case you might just explain to them that you want the practice. Most will be receptive, and may even want to watch as you disassemble/assemble your own rig. Again, they're generally interested in being as helpful as they can, and giving you the best experience they can. It's up to you to let them know how to best suit your needs.

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

Anyone with a camera they are the worst......ask me how I know........I always dive with a camera I am a terrible buddy.

Not everyone ... but most. Some photographers are excellent dive buddies ... but they're the ones who put the priority on the team, and the camera comes second. They're usually excellent divers who developed good buddy skills before becoming a photographer, and who have put the extra effort into honing those skills once they picked up a camera. It takes extra effort, and many people either lack the skills or lack any interest in developing them.

That said, most photographers either prefer to dive solo or with a regular dive buddy who knows how to dive with them ... or they're "that buddy" that you really don't want to dive with ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)