How to spot a "bad buddy" - have you ever refused a buddy?

[M DeM]

**EDIT: The reason I wrote this post isn't because I think I'm all that, but because I made the mistake of reading the "Most Frightening Moments" thread. There were all these stories about dive buddies who really, really f**cked up. Some of these were definitely things that were understandable (panicking) and some that were from being obviously waaaaaaay over-confident about their abilities. I always assume that I'm the least experienced diver on the boat, but after reading some of these stories... whoah.**

I've taken my OW and AOW almost back to back (just a few vacation dives in between) just because I wanted extra practice. I consider myself just Open Water certified, I just wanted some extra practice.

But this means I've done 75% of my dives with an instructor. Someone whose main focus was me.

That's not the case with most vacation dives. There's a DM who has an entire group to worry about. My assigned buddy could be anyone.

I know that I am ultimately the only person responsible for me. But.. is there anything that's not a "no brainer" that should I look for when I'm on the boat to spot a potentially careless/stupid/dangerous buddy? What about while on our first dive?

And has anyone ever had an experience where you've told the DM or whatever "I'm not diving with that person again, period" and looked for a new buddy?

 

[Bubblesong]

Dude, brace yourself. The buddy everyone is going to warn you about is going to sound uncomfortably like... yourself.

 

[northernone]

Dude, brace yourself. The buddy everyone is going to warn you about is going to sound uncomfortably like... yourself.

As uncomfortable as that may feel, agreed.

The transition which might be challenging now is realizing you are responsible for your own dive. Now the person you dive with isn't a paid professional who was there to help every step of the way. Your buddy will be another diver trying their best to stay safe while enjoying their hobby and is one who hopefully has the desire to share this adventure with you.

Being humble and accommodating to those who are willing to help you gain experience will go far in attracting good buddies. It's to you fellow divers I owe my thanks.

In directly answering your question:

A bad buddy is one that increases my risk of death (or injury) while decreasing my enjoyment (peace or joy). If the person I'm diving with does both consistently, I'll find another buddy.

Here are some of the dryland hints which I've noticed lead (could possibly but not necessarily so) to discovering a "bad buddy" underwater:
1. Chaotic
2. Overly critical
3. Inexperienced
3. Bragging
4. Unfamiliar equipment (new or newly serviced)

Perhaps that helps start the list.

Cameron

 

[peterak]

Man, what a tough crowd.

 

[Trivan]

Man, what a tough crowd. There are many qualities that can make an undesirable buddy, but relatively little experience is not necessarily one of them.

I agree, lack of experience can be a factor, but I’ve done dives with great buddies with little experience and one where the persons has tons of dives, but is the worst. 2 come to mind. First a guy I called “zippy”. As soon as we decented he would take off expecting me to follow, the guy was in his own world and could care less if something happened to me, he would be so far ahead he wouldn’t even know if I had an issue. When I would finally catch up, he would take off again. Told the DM after the 2 dives to never pair him with me again.

2nd one, Cayman Island, Buddy has “hundreds” of dives, he boasted about how many more dives he had over me, basically letting me know I had a lot to learn from him. Get in the water, he can’t decent, he asked me how much weight I had. I said 4 lbs, he said not enough b/c he was using 15. I said I’m fine and have no problems. He gets more weight, we finally can descend. He blows threw his air in about 20 mins on a dive which went to 75 for about 3 mins. when we boarded he asked how much air I had left, I only used a little over 1200psi. Oh course, he says I must of had a overfilled tank. 2nd dive for the day on the Kittiwake. Guy switches gears to go side doubles with a full cave/wreak set up. I looked at the DM and said “not happening”.

 

[Coztick]

When it comes to Instabuddies, I like to have a quick chat to familiarize one another with our gear and ask how they intend to dive and what they hope to see.

At best, you will have a clue what to expect. At worst, well, see the post above...

One thing you can do is make your intentions clear. I once told my new buddy predive that I was not chasing him and his new camera around the whole dive as it was a drift dive and I intended to drift. (He was half my age, and built like an Olympic athlete.)
He was ok with that as the site wasn't that deep. No surprises is the idea.
That's plan A

 

[Coztick]

Man, what a tough crowd.

Yep, you asked for it...
Now yer gonna get it...
It just seems harsh 'cause ya can't hear how much we care in a text...

 

[Altamira]

If you are looking for a potentially good insta-buddy in your early stages of diving, the following may be helpful.
1. Find a diver that is putting together his/her own gear in a relaxed, methodical way, is not waiting for the dive crew to put it together, and does not have dive gear spread all over the deck.
2. The diver knows exactly how much weight he/she needs regardless of what the DM thinks.
3. Per Northernone above, is not trying to impress everyone with stories about all the wonderful places he/she has dived.
4. Does not have a GoPro on a stick.
5. Someone that does not treat you like a turd in a punchbowl just because you are a new diver.

 

[Coztick]

Plan B
This person is no buddy (crap skills, no communication), I will do what I can to be there for them but I always carry a small pony on vacation dives.
It's surprising how far some divers will swim away from there buddy or just be oblivious to there surroundings.

 

[Coztick]

If you are looking for a potentially good insta-buddy in your early stages of diving, the following may be helpful.
1. Find a diver that is putting together his/her own gear in a relaxed, methodical way, is not waiting for the dive crew to put it together, and does not have dive gear spread all over the deck.
2. The diver knows exactly how much weight he/she needs regardless of what the DM thinks.
3. Per Northernone above, is not trying to impress everyone with stories about all the wonderful places he/she has dived.
4. Does not have a GoPro on a stick.
5. Someone that does not treat you like a turd in a punchbowl just because you are a new diver.

Excellent advice.
Be proactive and find a good buddy before being given whoever's remaining.