Every time you think this thread will go silently in the night...
When Pope John Paul II died, the new pope became Benedict XVI. When he dies, he will be Ex-Benedict.
Be sure to read Guam With The Wind, the heart-wrenching story of a monsoon which devastated one of the Mariana Islands.
When they captured Saddam Hussein, American soldiers blew a golden opportunity to create history by not voicing this potentially-classical pun: "You're bagged, dad".
Supposedly, Caesar said, "Veni, Vidi, Vici" ("I came, I saw, I conquered".) after a victory in Asia Minor. However, this is in complete error. You see, in Classical Latin, the letter v is actually pronounced like a w; similarly, i is pronounced "ee", and the c is like a k. Therefore, what he really said was:
Wienie ("wimp")
Weedy ("scrawny")
Weaky ("weak")
"I came, I saw, I conked out".
El Paso Gas: a Tex-Mex fart.
I asked a German friend, "Which Hindu god is the second member of the Hindu triad?" He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Vish I knew."
Speakers of ancient Anglo-Saxon had to remember to cross their t's and to dot their i's but also to cross their d's.
When his religious predictions came true, the Shiite cleric/seer gloated, "Ayatollah you so!"
Since Afghanistan's Taliban outlawed the viewing of television, shouldn't they be called the Telly Ban?
King Louis Seas had a wife, Marine Antoinette, who said, "Let them eat hake!"
Osama been laden with many bombs lately.
There is the Buddhist author, Thich Nhat Nanh (Anglo pronunciation: "tick not hawn"). If you wish to look up his books at the library, you need to know this: His last name is not Hanh, it's Nhat Hanh.
Latin-English pun:
I've got some good gnus, some bad gnus, and some great gnus:
First, the good gnus: benignus.
Now the bad gnus: malignus.
The great gnus: magnus.
Lots of good French wine: plasterer of Paris.
What is the most difficult and most sluggish time of the year for Jews?
Schleptember.
Noah was dealing drugs during The Flood. When the waters receded, he landed on top of a mountain. But the Drug Enforcement Agency was there too. Aware that he had been betrayed, he stuttered, "A-ra-rat!" And that is the story of Noah's Nark.
Followers of Judaism believe their god is a heavy dude, man. In fact, they often ask, "How much do Yahweh?"
French philosopher Rene Desfartes said, "I stink, therefore I exist."
According to Biblical accounts, Delilah cut Samsonite's hair, whereupon he lost all his luggage.
