"Women's Secrets"

[Kane(adian)]

Originally posted by Ontario Diver
My ex and her girlfriends often wonder.....

If a man alone in the forest say something and there is no one there to hear him.....Is he still wrong?

Then they's say "Yes" in unison and all start laughing.

Best reply to that manbash joke:
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

Tavi:
My gosh man! That is a strange one.

I can't get over the women gossiping in the bathroom thing. Usually I find it strange when someone talks in the bathroom. It is just not normally done.

 

[syruss32]

Originally posted by Mario S Caner
Haha, you guys are way too much. We need to start compiling all of this info into a Divers book. We can call it Men are Sharks, women are Dolphins or Men are from The Maldives, woman are from The Virgin Islands or something like it... waddya say? Syruss, OD, NetDoc, Liquid, Greg G, Abby, all you other funny/creative ones... care to have some fun?

I hate to have fun, and I can't stand humor. I am a grumpy old fart.... Okay I'm in.....

We could make a mind....

Other Names....

The world and other topics from a divers point of view...

Women and the Men that Die(err Dive) with them

The secret art of Zen Scubadiving

The One, The Only, the diver Alminac

What Women Always Wanted To Know About Deep Divers

What Men Always Wanted to Know About Diving Women

101 Tips to Getting You Kicked Out of a Scuba Club

Why Women and Men should dive deep together....

 

[ScubaBaby]

A few more tips for the less fortunate males amoung us:

17) Never give us a statement that can be taken in 2 ways e.g. good and bad, we are bound to pick the wrong one...esp. once a month

18) Never say "I told you so" without expecting a large hairy spider, itching powder, a crab or othber such delights in the crutch of your Y-Fronts!

19) When a woman asks says to you "Oh, I'll do it" please dont take it literally....this is known as being subtle...we'd rather be nice about it than telling you to get off your lazy arses and do it yourself!

20) As much as we like it when you do a strip for us...(in the unlikely events) please do pick up your clothes afterwards....it does look ever so messy!

21) The reason we hate mess....it doesnt look to great when mother-in-laws come round to see your G-String lying on the floor...as much as we are good liers...the large crutch gives it away that it isnt ares!

22) We worry about breaking a nail because :
- you hate it when we scratch you when we are asleep
- we like to scratch you and pretend to be asleep

23) We ask your opinion on our clothes and bum, cause you'll always say "Why'd you go and buy another ....?" But if you like it we have amunition to say.....cause you liked it!

24) We moisturise, tone and all the other bits to our skin cause we know how horrible it is kissing men with horrid stubbly skin!

25) The reason we want to light on during sex is so that we know after your done you'll stay awake to finish the job!

26) When we say shopping, we dont want you just your credit cards!

27) When we say "Say something nice to me" - we dont mean "You've got a nice arse" more like "I love you more today than yesterday, but less than tomorrow!"

28) When we say "Wow, shes pretty" - we dont mean....wow lets have a threesome, you, me and her.....its a simple gesture of appriciation...not an invitation for you!

29) When we say "Wow, hes gorgeous" - we do mean.....wow lets have a threesome, you, me and him....its a simple gesture of invitation....not just appriciation of him!

30) As much as we agree in educationial tv, you cant class porn in this catergory...now diving videos on the other hand....!

31) ........I'll continue another time..........

 

[syruss32]

Scubababy, are you sure you and I aren't twins separated at birth? Those are classics....

Between me and you we have some seriously deranged thought processes.

Good to know I am not alone....

 

[Iguana Don]

Question: What's the correct answer to:

Do you think I am fat?

Answer: There isn't one!

It doesn't matter what you say, it is wrong.

 

[ScubaBaby]

The answer is simple:
1) you dont get asked the question in the first place...ie. go out with someone who already knows they are over wait

2) you say "Hunny, I only know what i see, and from here its perfection!"

 

[Iguana Don]

Gonna have to write that down. Put it in my book of "The Right Things to Say.

ID

 

[ScubaBaby]

Syruss....i dont think i had a twin but i wil question my parents for you!! Were you born on the 22nd april 83 tho?

It is quite worrying to find someone else who needs the same mental treatment as me....eg. locking up!

 

[ScubaBaby]

(i) What we say (ii) What you hear (iii) What we mean :

(i) Can you...? (ii) Optional question...choose least work! (iii) You will.....!

(i) Why are we watching this? (ii) I want the remote control! (iii) Turn this crap off!

(i) Do you mind....? (ii) Optional question...choose least work! (iii) I’m snowed under, get off your lazy arse and do something!

(i) What do you think of this? (ii) panic! (iii) Say its nice and give me the money for it!

(i) Will you tidy before you go? (ii) Will you close the door to hide the mess? (iii) Get tidying !

(i) Will you come shopping? (ii) panic! (iii) I accept cash or credit cards!

(i) We need a new....... (ii) We need to spend more money on..... (iii) I want to go shopping

(i) It’s Aunt/Uncle/Cousin X’s birthday, can you phone? (ii) Who? (iii) Phone cause I dont want to get caught

(i) God, I’m tired! (ii) I want an early night! (SCORE!) (iii) God, I’m tired!

(i) I could do with a cuppa. (ii) I’m making a drink, want one? (iii) I’ve had a hard day, could you make me a drink?

(i) Lets go...... (ii) I’m going, want to come? (iii) Your coming.....

(i) Come on, we’re going to the dive shop. (ii) toys!!! (iii) We’ll go tot the dive shop and then he cant complain about girlie shopping after!


- The reason we watch your blokey action films is only to watch muscley hunks....although we lead you to believe its so we can spend “quality time” together
- The reason we’d like to keep the light on is to keep us from imagining we’re with said hunk from action film!
- The reason we tend to be mood.......we have to put up with men!
- We go to the loo in groups so we can have a mass orgy......or so we can gossip without being told its rude to whisper! You can choose which is your preference!
- We wear those horrid tasting lipsticks and lipbalms so that you dont kiss us with that stubble crap you have all over you chin!
- The reason we spend hours in the bathroom.....its the only room with a lock on the door to keep you out!

 

[syruss32]

Originally posted by ScubaBaby
Syruss....i dont think i had a twin but i wil question my parents for you!! Were you born on the 22nd april 83 tho?

It is quite worrying to find someone else who needs the same mental treatment as me....eg. locking up!

But...But... They couldn't do that where would we go diving? I told my wife the other day when our house gets done I want to put in a pool. She said that sounded like a good idea. Then I told her I wanted the deep end to be 60 feet deep. So it will be like 30 feet long, 15 feet wide and 5 foot at the shallow end and 60 at the deep end. Now that is a pool worth of a scuba diver!