I agree with Andy's assessment of the guys motivations :
"1. they feel safe flirting with you since you are "taken"
(A weird sort of male bonding behavior.)
"2. they are hoping you'd ditch your bf and take up with them"
(a very traditional approach to male competition and mate selection)
"3. they don't know how else to relate to a woman other than sexual flirtation (i.e. this is their attempt at conversation with you)"
(classic behavior for an immature male and a less than stellar comment about your boyfreind's taste in freinds)
But I also think that guys flirting with you is even more understandable in that you engage in flirtation when there is some type of economic or social benefit in it for you. This is very much a double standard and sends very mixed messages. Other guys, including your BF's freinds, who witness it may not see or agree with the subtle distiction you have developed to rationalize when it is ok to flirt. Guy are far more likely to see it as a more black and white issue of "she flirts and is sexually available" or "she does not flirt and is not sexually available".
It also sends a mixed message to your BF as in the back of his mind he has to wonder how far you would go if you would really benefit from flirting...or more. From an evolutionary perspective in patriachial societies mate (reproductive, not freind) selection has primarily been detemined by females who select the strongest and most powerful males who are best able to provide and defend their offspring. In return, males have traditionally viewed a good mate as someone who is cooperative and supportive and is unlikely to stray and consequently leave parternity issues in doubt. (In short, the prettiest and/or funnest girl may not always make the best mate.)
The rules have changed a lot in the last 50 years and what makes for a "strong" and "powerful" mate is definitely more on the nerdy and sensitive side than ever before. But old customs and attitudes die hard. Just as mothers are still likely to tell their daughters that it is just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor one (the go for the strong and powerful argument), many men are still likely to place women in two classes - those that are fun to date and those that they would actually marry (ie: unlikely to stray to greener pastures and leave them with child support and alimony payments). Flirtatious behavior, regardless of intent, runs of the risk of placing you in the "love to date her, don't want to marry her" category and your BF's non-objection to your flirtatious behavior may be confirmation of that status.
Personally, if it were me, I'd communicate with the BF on a very serious level and decide if the relationship is serious or not. If it is serious, I'd totally and completely eliminate the flirting to firmly send the message you are off the market. I would also discuss with the BF the expectation that he needs to show his committment to you and set boundaries with his freinds to make you firmly off limits to flirting or any other type of sexual advance.
"1. they feel safe flirting with you since you are "taken"
(A weird sort of male bonding behavior.)
"2. they are hoping you'd ditch your bf and take up with them"
(a very traditional approach to male competition and mate selection)
"3. they don't know how else to relate to a woman other than sexual flirtation (i.e. this is their attempt at conversation with you)"
(classic behavior for an immature male and a less than stellar comment about your boyfreind's taste in freinds)
But I also think that guys flirting with you is even more understandable in that you engage in flirtation when there is some type of economic or social benefit in it for you. This is very much a double standard and sends very mixed messages. Other guys, including your BF's freinds, who witness it may not see or agree with the subtle distiction you have developed to rationalize when it is ok to flirt. Guy are far more likely to see it as a more black and white issue of "she flirts and is sexually available" or "she does not flirt and is not sexually available".
It also sends a mixed message to your BF as in the back of his mind he has to wonder how far you would go if you would really benefit from flirting...or more. From an evolutionary perspective in patriachial societies mate (reproductive, not freind) selection has primarily been detemined by females who select the strongest and most powerful males who are best able to provide and defend their offspring. In return, males have traditionally viewed a good mate as someone who is cooperative and supportive and is unlikely to stray and consequently leave parternity issues in doubt. (In short, the prettiest and/or funnest girl may not always make the best mate.)
The rules have changed a lot in the last 50 years and what makes for a "strong" and "powerful" mate is definitely more on the nerdy and sensitive side than ever before. But old customs and attitudes die hard. Just as mothers are still likely to tell their daughters that it is just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor one (the go for the strong and powerful argument), many men are still likely to place women in two classes - those that are fun to date and those that they would actually marry (ie: unlikely to stray to greener pastures and leave them with child support and alimony payments). Flirtatious behavior, regardless of intent, runs of the risk of placing you in the "love to date her, don't want to marry her" category and your BF's non-objection to your flirtatious behavior may be confirmation of that status.
Personally, if it were me, I'd communicate with the BF on a very serious level and decide if the relationship is serious or not. If it is serious, I'd totally and completely eliminate the flirting to firmly send the message you are off the market. I would also discuss with the BF the expectation that he needs to show his committment to you and set boundaries with his freinds to make you firmly off limits to flirting or any other type of sexual advance.
