utdivermatt
Contributor
After diving with the same buddy all summer, I find myself in a new position, that I really hate that I have gotten myself into:
We were diving this weekend at Mermet Springs in IL, our first trip there, and I had some new gear that I was dying to play with. I just changed to a bp/w system, and also had a new wetsuit (Henderson 7/5), and I knew in advance I would have some trouble with that much gear change in so little time. The part that worried me the most was fear of buoyancy problems, which really turned out to be the case. We arrive there, get everything set up, and get in. Looking back, I probably should have just overweighted myself for this dive, but decided to try to go with the least ammount I thought possible. Anyways, we start the dive; I sink, so I think I will have success. If you have not been to Mermet, they have a lot of stuff in shallow water near the docks, which is what we were exploaring. As we swim around in 15 feet or so of water, and I breathe down some more air, I start to realize I am a good deal underweighted. In my head, I tried to convince myself it was the new wetsuit (I had been using a 5 mil), so if I got deeper I would be fine. Unfourtunately, there was nowhere deeper to go on our dive plan. I would like to say I was not panicing, but rather very frustrated and iritated, even though I am sure it looked like I was paniced. I was definatly struggling to stay down, and probably should have called the dive at this point, but for some reason I could not convince myself this problem was worth calling the dive. She was leading, but soon noticed my frustration and called the dive. My next actions I still cannot quite explain; I answered 'no' to calling the dive. She tried again with more emphisis, and in the next minute or so we surfaced. Looking back, the only thing I can think is I did not want my buddy calling the dive on my account. I think most of the actions were cause by frustration, and just being iritated at the dive and the problems.
This whole incident really irks me now. This is very far from my normal dives, especially with this buddy. We talked after it, and she and I both noticed it was like it was not me on that dive. I hardly ever panic, and I can not think of a time I have truely been this frustrated on a dive. I also like to think I am usually very cooperative on any dive I have been on, in relation to what my buddy signals. I still cannot, for the life of me, figure out what I was thinking at the moment, when she thumbed the dive and I refused to go. I know the dangers of what I did, especially in other situations (deeper dives, different enviroments, etc.), and that makes me feel even worse about it. I realize something like this could have really gotten one of both of us seriously hurt in certain situations, which even further devistates me to think about. I would like to say this is a one-time only incident, but I fear if I get that frustrated again, I might get in the same mindset, no matter how much I beat myself up about it right now. I really just don't know what happened to me, and why I was acting like that. It was just a real out-of-body experiance to me, and I cannot really explain why it happened. This inability to place what I was thinking drives me nuts.
I am also worried about future dives with this buddy, which I hope to still have many with. We had been diving together all summer, and we both seem to feel really comfortable with each others diving and skills. In each of our dives, we have seemed to get more comfortable and more trusting in each other, but I am really afraid this is going to hurt that. I feel like no matter how much we dive, this will always be in the back of her head whenever I start to have anything less than a perfect dive. If I get just a tiny bit frustrated, I am afraid she will lose all faith in my actions as a dive buddy thanks to this one incident. We have talked about it, and I think it is a very serious problem to worry about. I want to be able to say this will only be what I think and hope it is; an isolated fluke that will never happen again, but I feel as though it is not something that will be forgotten by either of us, and will continue to affect of dives together for as long as we dive. I wish there was a way to regain the trust we had, but I know trust is a very fragile thing, and this easily could have broken it.
I don't really know what to say I want to gain by posting this, but I would like some feedback as to situations you have been in that may be similar. Is this something most people experiance and learn from, or am I really just a bad dive buddy? Do you think this is something that will happen to me again? Is it possible for my buddy and I to get back to the same place we were before the dive? I realy feel like I have been beating myself about this the whole trip, and just wish I could take back those 30 seconds or so of my life. Please respond with anything you have to say about the situation. Thanks
-Matt
We were diving this weekend at Mermet Springs in IL, our first trip there, and I had some new gear that I was dying to play with. I just changed to a bp/w system, and also had a new wetsuit (Henderson 7/5), and I knew in advance I would have some trouble with that much gear change in so little time. The part that worried me the most was fear of buoyancy problems, which really turned out to be the case. We arrive there, get everything set up, and get in. Looking back, I probably should have just overweighted myself for this dive, but decided to try to go with the least ammount I thought possible. Anyways, we start the dive; I sink, so I think I will have success. If you have not been to Mermet, they have a lot of stuff in shallow water near the docks, which is what we were exploaring. As we swim around in 15 feet or so of water, and I breathe down some more air, I start to realize I am a good deal underweighted. In my head, I tried to convince myself it was the new wetsuit (I had been using a 5 mil), so if I got deeper I would be fine. Unfourtunately, there was nowhere deeper to go on our dive plan. I would like to say I was not panicing, but rather very frustrated and iritated, even though I am sure it looked like I was paniced. I was definatly struggling to stay down, and probably should have called the dive at this point, but for some reason I could not convince myself this problem was worth calling the dive. She was leading, but soon noticed my frustration and called the dive. My next actions I still cannot quite explain; I answered 'no' to calling the dive. She tried again with more emphisis, and in the next minute or so we surfaced. Looking back, the only thing I can think is I did not want my buddy calling the dive on my account. I think most of the actions were cause by frustration, and just being iritated at the dive and the problems.
This whole incident really irks me now. This is very far from my normal dives, especially with this buddy. We talked after it, and she and I both noticed it was like it was not me on that dive. I hardly ever panic, and I can not think of a time I have truely been this frustrated on a dive. I also like to think I am usually very cooperative on any dive I have been on, in relation to what my buddy signals. I still cannot, for the life of me, figure out what I was thinking at the moment, when she thumbed the dive and I refused to go. I know the dangers of what I did, especially in other situations (deeper dives, different enviroments, etc.), and that makes me feel even worse about it. I realize something like this could have really gotten one of both of us seriously hurt in certain situations, which even further devistates me to think about. I would like to say this is a one-time only incident, but I fear if I get that frustrated again, I might get in the same mindset, no matter how much I beat myself up about it right now. I really just don't know what happened to me, and why I was acting like that. It was just a real out-of-body experiance to me, and I cannot really explain why it happened. This inability to place what I was thinking drives me nuts.
I am also worried about future dives with this buddy, which I hope to still have many with. We had been diving together all summer, and we both seem to feel really comfortable with each others diving and skills. In each of our dives, we have seemed to get more comfortable and more trusting in each other, but I am really afraid this is going to hurt that. I feel like no matter how much we dive, this will always be in the back of her head whenever I start to have anything less than a perfect dive. If I get just a tiny bit frustrated, I am afraid she will lose all faith in my actions as a dive buddy thanks to this one incident. We have talked about it, and I think it is a very serious problem to worry about. I want to be able to say this will only be what I think and hope it is; an isolated fluke that will never happen again, but I feel as though it is not something that will be forgotten by either of us, and will continue to affect of dives together for as long as we dive. I wish there was a way to regain the trust we had, but I know trust is a very fragile thing, and this easily could have broken it.
I don't really know what to say I want to gain by posting this, but I would like some feedback as to situations you have been in that may be similar. Is this something most people experiance and learn from, or am I really just a bad dive buddy? Do you think this is something that will happen to me again? Is it possible for my buddy and I to get back to the same place we were before the dive? I realy feel like I have been beating myself about this the whole trip, and just wish I could take back those 30 seconds or so of my life. Please respond with anything you have to say about the situation. Thanks
-Matt