What to do about a cheater?

[Scuba_Jenny]

A simple comment to the wife is all that is needed. What happens after that is none of your business. You have done what is right. Now get over it. It is not your life. You are not creating a mess, it already exists. The wife might already know (women are smart like that) and a simple confirmation is all she needs to take the next step...which just might be preparing for a divorce, counseling, or even forgiving him.
Yes, there are already innocents in this mess. What about the kids???

BTW, wish somebody woulda told me about my (now ex) husbands cheating. (Even tho I knew. Women are smart that way)

 

[Morpheus]

A simple comment to the wife is all that is needed. What happens after that is none of your business. You have done what is right. Now get over it. It is not your life. You are not creating a mess, it already exists. The wife might already know (women are smart like that) and a simple confirmation is all she needs to take the next step...which just might be preparing for a divorce, counseling, or even forgiving him.
Yes, there are already innocents in this mess. What about the kids???

BTW, wish somebody woulda told me about my (now ex) husbands cheating. (Even tho I knew. Women are smart that way)

First of all I havent done anything yet,and Im not sure if i should. This husband and wife dont even know me,they dont even know I exist. as far as the kids are concerned I cant fix all the problems in the world. I just hate to see my friend hurt night after night while this guy has his cake and eats it too, I want to teach him a lesson. I realize my friend is just as much at fault but she is really in deep with this guy and i guess thats what love does.

 

[cdiver2]

I just hate
while this guy has his cake and eats it too,
I want to teach him a lesson.
QUOTE]

These thoughts to one side and look at it as what can I do to make things work out the best for all concerened...including yourself. As I told you in a PM you may lose a friend if you say something. Let it run its course and be there for her when it ends as it will, she will need you then more than ever.

 

[mempilot]

Sometimes you have to let friends make their mistakes.

Writing a letter to either the wife or the husband is going to do only one thing, destroy your friendship with your friend.

A letter to the husband would be the least damaging, but don't threaten to tell the wife. Simply explain in rational terms that this is unhealthy for your friend. Putting threats in a letter to tell the wife could have dire consequences on the situation.

A letter to the wife will destroy that family. Think about the kids. They may be a good family unit, and a cheating father is still a father to those kids. This letter would be overstepping your boundries and you would end up regretting it.

Talk some more to your friend. I've been involved in this as well. You can PM me if you wish.

 

[Rick Inman]

A man with children who cheats on his wife.

A woman who has an affair with a married man with children.

To expose or not expose this situation is not going to change the character of the two people who are engaged in these activities. They will still be the same people. Until they change, who they are will drive them into life situations that expose their character.

You can help your friend by being an example of a better way, and leading her to her own conclusion based on your example. Who YOU are speaks loudest to your friends. Be a mentor, not a meddler.

Changing yourself is the best way to influence others. To become the kind of person that other people follow is a life long journey from which everyone benefits.

 

[mempilot]

Great and wise advice, Rick. Merry Christmas!

A man with children who cheats on his wife.

A woman who has an affair with a married man with children.

To expose or not expose this situation is not going to change the character of the two people who are engaged in these activities. They will still be the same people. Until they change, who they are will drive them into life situations that expose their character.

You can help your friend by being an example of a better way, and leading her to her own conclusion based on your example. Who YOU are speaks loudest to your friends. Be a mentor, not a meddler.

Changing yourself is the best way to influence others. To become the kind of person that other people follow is a life long journey from which everyone benefits.

 

[Rick Inman]

Great and wise advice, Rick. Merry Christmas!

I stole it!!
Merry Christmas!!!

 

[LazyKevin]

You could try to get some pictures and anonymously send a copy of them to the husband….

 

[Bob3]

You could try to get some pictures and anonymously send a copy of them to the husband….

... along with a note that says "leave $10,000 in small bills...".

 

[LazyKevin]

... along with a note that says "leave $10,000 in small bills...".

That should be the 2nd note.... With a 2nd set of pictures, sent 1 week later.

:14: