What do you do when your adult child does something stupid?

[Ann Marie]

He’s a good guy.

Really.

Goes to school full-time, works full-time…a productive member of society. He treats his girlfriends well; holds the door open for women; says please and thank you. Last summer he was a camp counselor…

I’m not happy. In fact, I don’t like him much right this minute.

He got his tongue pierced today.

When he was in 6th grade, he asked if he could get his ear pierced. I told him sure, I’d even do it for him. I did mine when I was in high school. I then explained exactly how I’d do it. He got nauseated and said, “No thanks”.

My husband said I’ve raised him to be too independent. He doesn’t need us. He doesn’t think he needs to talk to us before he makes a decision. Maybe he doesn’t; he’s 19 years old now.

What do you do when your adult child does something stupid??

 

[alcina]

OMG - I thought you meant stupid!

This is just a thing. I wouldn't sweat this one - just sigh and ignore it.

He's 19...mine is 18. I'm betting there are far stupider things on the horizon. And no, they don't really need to consult with us anymore - for better or worse.

BTW - mine just had his first baby in March speaking of real stupid things.

 

[TSandM]

Take a deep breath and enjoy the fact that that adult child is an adult, and will make his own decisions (good and bad) and live with the consequences (good and bad).

We had the devil's own time with my stepdaughter. She continues to make decisions that we can see easily are bad ones. We try to tell her, and she makes them anyway. But we are no longer financially responsible for them, nor do we feel a sense of failure like we did when she was under our roof.

People get older and get independent, and eventually, most of them grow up.

Besides, what's so awful about getting one's tongue pierced? Aside from the fact that I would think it makes eating awkward . . . There are far worse decisions an adult child could make.

 

[nauifins73]

You will be surprised at how smarter you get as they get older - (yes I know that is a cliche but I have found it to be the truth). My twins will be 25 in Oct and the older they get the close I get with my daughter.

 

[Kim]

I left home at 17 and a half.

My Dad said...."While you live under my roof you'll do things my way...."

So I said....."Bye Bye!!!!! and left the house for good an hour later.

I'd do exactly the same tomorrow if I had it all over again.

The funny part was later when I might pop home for a visit to see my Mum (she worried so, poor thing!) My Dad might butt into a conversation to tell me that he didn't agree with this or that, or I should better be doing this or that...... I just had to stare at him and silently mouth...."My Roof".... for him to fall silent and realize that his chance of actually influencing me anymore was gone for ever - or at least for a GREAT many years.

You can't ORDER an adult child around because they don't have to take it. If you want to stay in the game it takes negotiating skills and a keen sense of listening. Leave your personal judgements with your OWN clutter - they don't need it.

My eldest daughter is now 26. We've never had a day in her life that I'm not one of the first people she phones for advice. Did I like her tattoo on her butt she did when she was 16? Or that ring thing through her belly button when she was 17? Not really...

Did I say anything about them?......You've gotta be kidding!!!!!

 

[scubajoe]

Tongue piercing....Reading the title of your thread I was going to tell you to bail him out once. My son pierced his tongue to piss me off....I made fun of him and it pissed him off. He wore the tongue whatever you call it for a couple of years and then decided to quit. It turned out to be no biggie. He has turned out to be a great young man. Don't sweat the piercing...no one will see it that he doesn't want to see it.

Joe

 

[dumpsterDiver]

He obviously needs a severe tongue lashing!

A tongue piercing wouldn't even make my top 10 list of stupid things that I've done...

 

[Packhorse]

If you wanted to stop him you should have said " That sounds like a great idea, Mind if I come along and get mine done at the same time?"

 

[Mako Mark]

Dont worry, in three days when his tongue has swollen to the point he cant eat and it is so furry that he cant stand his own breath, then all you have to do is give him the "I told you so" look and offer him something crunchy to eat.

Think of it as having the rebelliousness of a tattoo, but not the long term consequences.

I personally have the same piercing. Hardly anyone notices, even less seem to care amd it does not require a laser to remove it for job interviews etc.

 

[Ann Marie]

Thanks for the advice...

I think I'll mimic him, you know with the lisp thing. That should be fun for a while. I'll call him and start tomorrow.