Wet Lawyer Jokes

[aquaoren]

on this board that would be easy to mock. But we don't. That's because
we're divers and this board is about our hobby. If occupations are going
to be the object of redicule lets everyboy list their jobs. Don't be so shy
in those profiles. Lets hear who's a store clerk, or a garbage man, or just
"between jobs." Then I'll see if I can't come up with something to say about
them.

As for touching a nerve you're right. I don't find insults funny. That includes
insults dressed up in crude humor.

Damn, someone appears to be somewhat sensitive about his profession.
Why so? Do you see some truth in the joke or are you just ashame of your choice of profession? :1poke:
I'm asking myself who the real loser really is. Is it the hard working honest person that is doing something productive for the society or is it the parasite that is sucking the juice out of the society in order to benefit personally?
Whether the lowly ambulance chaser can be considered the creme de la creme of society is very questionable for me
Oh BTW, I'm a veterinarian

 

[doole]

Oh BTW, I'm a veterinarian

Riiiiight ... <chewing on pinky> ... and how would you characterize your markup on pharmaceuticals in general?

 

[MSilvia]

If anyone has any good investor jokes, commercial fishing jokes, student jokes, or lawyer jokes, send them on over.

Okay Jamie, here's one for you...

A fisheries warden was walking down a dock one afternoon when he saw a man step off a boat with a cooler full of fish and head for the fish market. He stopped him, and asked the man, "Do you have a license for those fish?"

"I don't need a license sir, these fish are pets."

"Pet fish?!" the warden asked.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish out to deep water and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into the cooler, and I take them home."

"That's crazy! Fish can't do that!" said the warden.

The man looked at the warden for a moment, and then said, "If you don't believe me, I'll be happy to show you."

"Okay," said the warden, "let's see it!"

The man opened the cooler and promptly dumped the fish into the ocean. After several minutes, the warden turned to the man and said "Well, when are you going to call the fish back?"

"What fish?"

 

[Kamala]

I'm not offended by lawyer jokes, just offended that they're not even original to this board. When I sat for the bar exam, I looked around the room and couldn't believe that some of the people I saw were going to pass. So bring on the lawyer jokes, but bring on quality!

This one's for you DiveSherpa....

A commercial fisherman, a real estate mogul, and a college student (who are three brothers that own a ) are interviewing a blind man for a job in their lumber warehouse. It comes up that the guy is blind and the brothers are wondering how the guy will tell the different kinds of wood apart. Blind guy says "no problem, can tell them all apart by smell." Fisherman says ok, we'll give you a test. He grabs a piece of lumber, the blind guy smells it and declares "maple, come on give me a challenge." Mogul grabs a piece of wood, blind guy smells it and says "birch, but it's wood recovered from a forest fire area." The two brothers are impressed since they thought the char would keep the guy from figuring it out. The college student isn't impressed yet. He goes and gets the secretary and says "try this out." Blind guy sniffs and than says, "could you turn it around?" Student says "sure, no problem." Blind guy sniffs again and says "bah, you can't fool me, that's the bathroom door off a fishing trawler!"

 

[D_O_H]

For what it's worth, everyone should bear in mind that Lawman has, to my knowledge, never said anything on this board without tongue firmly in cheek.

Bring on the lawyer jokes.

Yours,

D_O_H, attorney at law

 

[doole]

OK, it isn’t a lawyer joke but the lumber warehouse one reminded me of it and it’s one of my favorites.

A woman goes to a K-mart looking for fishing gear for her son’s birthday. She finds a deal on a complete outfit that looks pretty good but she wants help deciding so she takes it to the service desk. There’s a blind fellow working there and she explains to him what she wants.

The blind fellow says, “Okay, but I obviously can’t see what you’ve got. Just throw it all on the counter and I’ll be able to tell from the sound it makes on the glass exactly what it all is and we’ll take it from there.”

The woman finds this implausible but she shrugs and tosses the gear onto the counter. The blind fellow says, “Hmm. Modulus Graphite rod, Shimano reel, 200 feet of 20 pound test. Good all-around performer, and we’ve got a special on that package, this week; thirty-one fifty for the lot.”

The woman is astounded and says, “Great, I’ll take it!” She opens her purse and takes out a credit card, but drops it on the floor. The blind fellow says, ”On your Visa then, Ma’am?”

She shrugs, smiles and bends over to get the card but in doing so, accidentally passes wind loudly. She notes that she should be able to get away with it since there are others in the store, so she just continues as if nothing had happened. The blind fellow takes the card and says, “Alright, so that’s going to be forty-three dollars.”

The woman, confused, says, “What do you mean – wasn’t it thirty-one fifty for the whole package?”

“Of course – thirty-one fifty for the rod and reel package, nine bucks for the duck call and three fifty for the catfish bait.”

 

[D_O_H]

I've got a commercial fishing joke now that I think about it:

A struggling fisherman consults the internet hoping to find some advice to save his failing fishing business and fight off the ridicule he's been getting from more successful fisherman. He tries several new techniques, but always returns to the harbor with a paltry catch - barely enough to pay for his fuel.

Finally, he stumbles on the answer: dynamite fishing. He learns that it's highly illegal - anyone caught doing it for any reason will spend years in jail - but that it's almost certain to net him tons of fish. He invests in a huge box of dynamite the next day and heads out to sea. Sure enough, after he tosses the first stick of dynamite in the water, hundreds of fish float to the surface, which he easily nets.

The other fisherman quickly became suspicious about the struggling fisherman's sudden success (not to mention the explosions they'd been hearing) and called out a fish and game inspector. The inspector questioned the fisherman closely, reminding him that anyone fishing with dynamite for any reason would go straight to jail. The fisherman denied any wrongdoing and invited the inspector to join him the next morning to see for himself.

The next day, the fisherman and the inspector headed to the fishing grounds. As soon as they arrived, the fisherman pulled out a stick of dynamite, lit it, threw it overboard and proceeded to net all of the stunned fish. The inspector stood with his mouth agape - not believing what he had just seen. Just as the inspector was about to speak, the fisherman pulled out another stick of dynamite, lit it, handed it to the inspector and said "are you going to stand there looking stupid, or are you going to fish?"

 

[Nehallenia]

Okay Jamie, here's one for you...

A fisheries warden was walking down a dock one afternoon when he saw a man step off a boat with a cooler full of fish and head for the fish market. He stopped him, and asked the man, "Do you have a license for those fish?"

"I don't need a license sir, these fish are pets."

"Pet fish?!" the warden asked.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish out to deep water and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into the cooler, and I take them home."

"That's crazy! Fish can't do that!" said the warden.

The man looked at the warden for a moment, and then said, "If you don't believe me, I'll be happy to show you."

"Okay," said the warden, "let's see it!"

The man opened the cooler and promptly dumped the fish into the ocean. After several minutes, the warden turned to the man and said "Well, when are you going to call the fish back?"

"What fish?"

You stole that - that's a Newfie joke! Biologists aren't often joked about, because we aren't funny. Fortunately for me, I am an Atlantic Canadian, and for 3 years lived in Newfoundland. Newfies, now THEY'RE funny!

 

[morrisoncla]

It's not professional courtesy, it is fear! I just divorced an attorney and the sharks turn tell and run.

Hello everyone. I am looking for dive buddies in the Georgia/Florida area. Would love to get the know fello divers in the region. morrisoncla@alltel.net.

Trish M. Morrison

1) Know the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

One is a garbage eating, bottom dwelling scavenger.
The other is a fish!




2) Sharks do not bother attorneys:

It's professional courtesy.

 

[hecker-the-wrecker]

First post, unknown person with no information even gender. An almost
identical thread elsewhere.......sniff, sniff.....

Anyway it's the topic, not the person.

I'm a tow company owner. A real person with one of those, "blue collar" jobs. If it wasn't for other peoples misfortunes, we wouldn't have jobs.You are no different. If anyone wants to take a rip at me go right ahead, i'm no better than anyone else here. :07: O.K.,O.K., A Scuba diver, a Lawyer, and a tow truck driver sit down at the bar. The bartender says, "Is this a joke?" Oh great, now I am offended!!!!!