Sad Realization

[mwilding]

I just got back from my first vacation in over a year with the sad realization that I really do not dive much anymore...

My wife and 2 year old son went to Bermuda for the week and I went off at nap time one day for a two tank dive with the good folks at Triangle Diving. For numerous reasons, I did not have any of my gear, no log book and no c-cards. They looked me up on PADI's site and rented me gear - good 2 go. For partner finding purposes, they asked me my highest cert, number of dives and last dive. They had already established my rescue diver credentials and I responded truly to my best recollection ~60 dives and last summer.

I got home and pulled out my log book to transcribe the dive details to find that my last LOGGED dive (I have 10-20 unlogged) was #30 on my honeymoon FOUR years ago. It totally floored me. While I was actuially quite happy with my residual diving skills despite using totally unfamiliar equipment, mis-stating my dive info to the dive shop by so much is distressing and the fact that I had not been diving in so long REALLY bummed me out.

My wife has no interest in diving and my two kids are WAY to young. I am resolved to find some more diving time, but real life can be a bitch sometimes, so it will be a challenge.

 

[JoyfulNoise]

You do have a busy life, but maybe you can find a dive club near you. Or just stay active here. And LOG those dives!

 

[spectrum]

Good luck finding a life balance. My wife and I took it up as we were on the verge of becoming empty nesters so we just made it a priority with our discretionary time. You don't have that luxury at this stage but most would say it's important that you take some time for yourself if this is something you are really wanting to do. It may be that life has other priorities for you at this point.

Pete

 

[Noboundaries]

Mwilding, I hope you don't mind me sharing a personal story that might help you find inspiration to keep diving while raising a new family.

You and your wife of four years are in a very natural "nesting" phase, a phase that focuses on security, not risk. Unfortunately diving is a fun but risky activity. It is tough to continue fun, risky activities when so much of your time and resources are devoted to securely building your nest, raising your children, and contributing to the future you envision for them. Mwilding, your kids do need to see that risky side of you though, a side that includes diving. Let me explain.

My wife and I, married 28 years, pretty much gave up almost all "fun but risky activities" from the time our twin daughters were four years old until they were in their teens. It really wasn't a conscious decision; it just kind of naturally happened. We built a great nest and two fantastic kids but if we had it to do over again, we would have done it differently and kept our fun but risky activities.

One of the characteristics my wife was attracted to in me was my risk taking nature. She was just the opposite, a non-risk taker (remember, opposites attract). My nature appealed to her because she wanted to develop that side of her personality. Once we had kids though we gave up that risky side of ourselves, a side that feeds our true nature. Consequently, for a majority of the time our kids were home, they did not see a very important part of who their parents truly are inside. They did not see the adventurous side or risky desires of either of us, the role models in their lives.

Giving up a part of your true nature may likely cause marriage problems because it throws you out of balance. You need those activities to nourish who you are at your core. You can only fight the unbalanced scales for so long before problems start. Once my wife and I started having problems when the kids were 14-15 years old she asked "what do I have to do to find that fun loving guy I married?" That question opened the floodgates and my old self, and hers, came rushing back into our lives. It started with an old love, motorcycles, and has continued to grow to include diving.

Our kids completely embraced their new, "fun" parents, but we were always an extremely close family. Our kids avoided all the typical problems teens often have because they were so involved with academics and athletics (swimming). Seeing the fun, risky side of their parents though showed our kids that there was more to life than task completion and athletic devotion. My wife and I realized we lost a lot of great years and opportunities to both introduce and train them into the proper way to participate in fun, but risky activities. We think back on all that we could have done together as a family, especially diving, if we had not been so risk averse during the nesting phase of our marriage.

The good news is that both our kids have developed their own fun but risky interests. Additionally, one became certified and the other has the desire to do so. Unfortunately, they are now both in their mid-20s and we just don't have the time together to explore new adventures like we did when they were home. Mwilding, you and your wife still have that time.

Best of luck and many blessings on you and your family.

 

[mwilding]

Noboundaries - thanks for your post. I am definitely the risk taker in the relationship. When I go on a shark dive, I will be neglecting to mention the shark part to my wife until afterwards For me, it is not actually much of a risk issue so much as a time issue. I don't have the luxury of zipping off at 5am for a day of diving to leave my wife with the kids. Not only is that not fair, but she runs her own business which is a huge drain on her time. Besides, I love playing with my little ones... If fact, if all goes as planned, we will have 3 kids under 3 1/2 by next year, so time will continue to be an issue.

My sad realization is actually a bit of a kick in the pants and I am going to find a way to get wet at least a couple of times a year...

Maybe a mid-week night dive here and a saturday boat dive there...

 

[NOVIZWHIZ]

I had a situation many years ago where I dove 3-5 times a week, sometimes everyday...we are surrounded by rivers, small creeks, swamps ...guys would show up at my house and by 7 pm we'd talked ourselves into a night dive....hit the water by 8pm and dive a tank or too....seriously we dove in swamps and it would be so dark and we'd get so turned around, we'd occasionally have to come up and see where the cars were on the bridge to work our way back, shine your light across the water and lots of yellow eyes looking back at you, i almost got shot once - guy on the bridge thought I was a deer splashing around....I ran up some serious dive time, and this wasn't counting the weekends...since them I've really slowing down. All of those guys have quit diving - I get in a couple or three REAL dives a year - it's pretty sad... as I get older, that's one of the most depressing realities I have...

 

[Sinbad the Diver]

Not an easy thing to do. I'm just starting out and the issue of time spent diving (and getting ready to dive and cleaning up after diving, and planning to dive and reading about diving, etc) has become an issue. In then end I've had to find times where it replaces other activities rather than is in addition to them so that I can still spend time with the family. Good news is, just 3 years and my son will be old enough to dive...counting the days

 

[scubadobadoo]

Interesting thread and timely for me.

My wife is due in a few weeks with our first child. We have been together for 17 years now and just finally got around to having kids. I have already started to turn down some local dives as I start to nest. My wife, of course can't dive at the moment but even before she got pregnant she had already given up on the local cold water diving that we both once loved.

While I'm sure this is the natural progression of things, I do hope we can continue to travel to warmer waters to do what we have loved doing for the last 7 years now...dive dive dive. We have had some good times together and met some truly wonderful people in the process. I would hate for my daughter to miss out on that just because she showed up, lol.

Thanks for the posts gang. Ya'll caught me in serious mood, lol.

Happy diving!

 

[almitywife]

its tough finding time to do everything you need to plus a few dives

hubby and i dive most weekends but at some point it gets tough trying to get the household, work & family stuff in also. thats why we are at the dive site EARLY (before 7am) so we can get a good long dive in (90mins is our average) or maybe 2 dives and then still be home by noon to do what needs to be done

cheers

 

[don Francisco]

There's a correlation between diving and bicycling, and after 30 plus years in that industry, I can tell you that number one reason folks stop cycling is they have a new love interest.

It's perfectly natural that you're diving less, you have less time and more other good things to fill it with. At a later stage of your life, things will change and you'll find yourself diving more again if you still want to, or re-discovering it almost as a new sport and maybe introducing the kids into Scuba.

As long as life brings you good things, don't worry about which they they are.