Resolving Differences with Dive Buddy/BF

[undrwater]

Elenec, my wife and I are in the same boat. I am an instructor and she is an OW diver. I have about 200 dives this year. She has 16. No problem. When she dives with me, we follow her plan. Simple.

My advice is to let him do all the commando stuff he wants and when he is ready for a simple, lazy, satisfying dive to let you know and you can join him. If you want to dive as often as he does just have another buddy.

I agree with this, with just a slight modification. If he wants to dive with you, he dives your plan.

 

[drbill]

Buddies should always dive the comfort level of the least comfortable diver. While I prefer solo diving myself due to the work I do underwater, I have dived with newbies and people whose comfort levels were nowhere near mine. When doing so, I dive their dive. In accepting the buddy relationship, I have agreed to do so IMHO.

Your BF shouldn't push you beyond your comfort level. It's a good way to lose a dive buddy, and possibly a GF! He should be sensitive to that.

 

[Tom Winters]

There is plenty of most-excellent advice here, and I'm sure that your b/f will come around to your line of reasoning and expectation. However, ask him if he would prefer to do it this sane, rational way or, failing that, perhaps he would prefer a 3am visit from the Specials Instruction Unit of the Scubaboard to discuss his shortcomings as a dive buddy?

 

[D_B]

:lol3:

When my friend did her first cold water dive here , I was very careful not to push her , I let her set the pace , didn't desend untill she was ready, let her decide where to go , etc. She had a great time, even in spite of some equipment issues ... I think it was because she felt in control the whole time

Only do what you feel comfortable doing , dive your plan when your together, take it slow and have fun , that is why we're diving isn't it ?

DB

 

[DrSteve]

Buddies should always dive the comfort level of the least comfortable diver.

Just as an addition - always make sure that you are comfortable they are being up front about their comfort level. I've dived with so-called experienced divers who were experienced, but did not have a wide experience base and no experience in the conditions being faced...

 

[cobaltbabe]

My fiance and I are both divers and we have one rule that we stick with, if it doesn't feel good then we don't do it. If I feel that the dive is too advanced for me, he can get another dive buddy. If he is not feeling well or vic versa then the call is called or we will go with someone else. Let him dive with someone else and you find someone who is better geared to your skill. There is nothing wrong with this and yes there will be times when a nice comfortable opportunity will come up where both of you will be in the water together (hopefully holding hands, we do that alot ). Diving is what you make of it. For some it is a passion for others it is for the fun. You can't enjoy it if you are stressed out over keeping up with him. So with that said, go diving girl!!! Take care.

 

[cobaltbabe]

Oh I forgot something. You also don't have to be in agreement about the way you dive either. My buddy has totally different views on certain things. We can disagree about them and that is fine, as long as we know what the other is thinking.

 

[Doc]

He has completely fallen in love with diving and but I have yet to get over some of anxiety of the experience. I have not adjusted to the underwater experience yet like learning to breathe properly and comfortably with my regulator and controlling my movements underwater and with just the general hazards of diving improperly since we are new divers.

I would select a nice, comfortable low key resort, and log a lot of dives. Experience in a simple environment will now be your best teacher.

I am not as physically fit as my boyfriend so I have not adjusted to the physical demands of diving yet as well as he has.

This too will come in time. Most guys are air hogs. Women soon catch up and surpass their mate/buddy.

Plus I have motion sickness in the water.

Whoa. Then you're doing something very wrong. You should have no motion effect if at least 6' deep. DO NOT tarry at the surface, do not go to the surface and thrash about at the end of your dive. Once again, it's a learning thing.

I know that there is a learning curve with diving but the problem arises since his is much faster than mine. And we also have different interest in diving. I’m much more a passive diver and like to stay in shallow waters where as he is much more adventurous as I.

Therein lies the crux o' the biscuit.

As most new divers, most generally of the male persuasion, all they know is how to go fast, deep, and if the four way flashers are going- they might notice a yellow school bus if it were on the reef. Women are much quicker to acheive true buoyancy control (vs fighting it with fins and sculling), therefore you are the most likely to learn to observe the keen details of the macro world that becomes so apparent at surface to 35 feet of depth. The cool stuff is the small stuff, and lord knows as a woman, you must appreciate the small stuff!

So he does dive more than I do with some other friends who are more in tune with his diving interest. So with all that said I am feeling pressure from him to step up the pace faster than I am comfortable with but yet I don’t want him to be bored, frustrated, and impatient with me when we going diving together. We have talked about it but I wanted some outside advice from anyone who may have been through the same situation. I mean do we need different dive buddies or is this normal at all. Please let me know what you think. Thank you.

Yeah, you do need to split it up. Until you can bring him into an environment as well as a moment in his dive career maturation that he is ready to believe that there is something more important than the next device he can master, the next continuing education specialty course to conquer. I would take him for a week at CoCoView at that point. Until then, Bonaire might be a nice option for a "dual track" vacation.

Go log some easy breezy dives. The biggest challenge is climbing up a ladder with your gear, and you can always hand it up to a boat helper (that's what tips are for!). Until you reach an acceptable level of comfort, just keep asking questions, watching those around you, and adapting to new possibilities. It will be worth it and fun!

 

[lostinspace]

I've lost count of the number of dive-buddy couples that have come to blows (sometimes literally) over dive styles. Often (but not always) the woman is the more attentive diver and always keeps an eye on her beloved. Her beloved on the other hand is often out doing his own "thang" and is generally a crap buddy until he learns that he needs to check-in with his buddy more often up until the buddy is comfortable.

One couple I know didnt speak for three days during a group dive trip. He kept on swimming more shallow and behind his wife. The sight of her continually signalling for him to "get the ******* down here & swim next to me" would have been funny in different circumstances. They had only recently learnt to dive and he wasnt as fit as her and so was an air hog and knew he couldnt go much deeper without using up his air really quickly.

Eventually we split them up for two days on the dives. He got more relaxed and controlled his air better and eventually started to swim deeper with the group, and realised whilst he could see the group from behind, the group couldnt see him, so he needed to catch up. His bouyancy improved and he felt more comfortable being closer to other divers. She learnt to relax and chill and not to worry because her buddy was always at least at DL or Inst level - a few days of not worrying helped her.

Then they dived together for the last day (first as a buddy foursome with another couple) and then as their own buddy pair.

Issues resolved and marriage saved!

 

[Trisha]

Diving your SO's profile because he thinks "you have to" is like jumping out into traffic because the guy behind you honks -- brakes screach, horns honk, you get rattled... and the other guy just drives... on... by.... :xyxnervou
And of course, they never stop to exchange insurance info or pay the ticket!

So find another couple to dive with (sounds like a common problem, eh?) and enjoy your surface intervals together. Don't be surprised if you and the other wife lose the boys in the local dive shop (extra time if it doubles as a archery shop, paintball shop, etc.)