Resolving Differences with Dive Buddy/BF

[TSandM]

One of the things I have found, in the short time I've been doing this, is that it helps ENORMOUSLY with your skills and your confidence if you dive with experienced people who are willing to be patient, and help you with any issues you have (Thank you, NW Grateful Diver!) My husband and I have had some significant "discussions" regarding differing views on buddy awareness, etc., and I have dealt with them by finding other people with whom to dive.

I can certainly say that one's enjoyment of a dive is heightened tremendously by diving with someone with a similar style and similar expectations.

Domestic tranquillity is improved if you also make the effort to find a buddy for your SO . . .

 

[scrubbo]

, and we'll learn each other's limits (physically, mentally, and instructionally ) as we go. Then we'll have more rewarding diving experiences together.

Ah, love!

Don't forget financially! "You want to spend HOW MUCH on more diving crap?"

To the Original Poster : as a GUY who is a pain in the butt to his own SO diving partner, I appologize on behalf of the gungho guys in the world. Having dived in the Pacific Coast, Carribean, and midwest lakes, I will say this : Diving in the pacific is the most stressful experience I've had. I get motion sickness too, and the boats out on the swells in the coastal pacific is a gut churner. And not feeling so hot at the surface translates into not feeling as good on the dives.

If you can, go diving in the gulf of California (it's in mexico!) for a long weekend or even a week. From the sounds of him, he'll have a heart attack of joy at the thought of it. You'll get much better water for 'new' diving with a chance to relax. And since everything to see is 'new' he'll be much more relaxed with the easier, 40 foot dives. And on deeper dives, you'll likely have a guide to point things out.

Also, as he dives more, he'll likely be less "Must do next hard thing!" in his mentality. When I started diving I couldn't wait to get my AOW for deeper diving, but after a few 90-100 foot dives (in the Caymens, man it's gorgeous there!) I stopped really caring about it and didn't follow through on getting my deep-diver cert. (I had planned on it!)

When diving with our girlfriends/wives, gungho guys tend to expect a lot more out of them than with regular partners. I'd tell him that. Lots of guys (and even some women) will sheepishly admit to that problem on this board, I suspect. He just needs to realize that if he makes sure you're comfortable and not pushed too hard, you're much more likely to enjoy the experience and keep diving with him time and time again.

In the OW class Alison just took (And that I took with her as a refresher) the instructor actually talked about wives/boyfriends/etc as Dive Buddies and said they can be the most problematic dive buddies, especially at first. Her husband and she only buddy up if they're diving by themselves for just that reason. But she also said that once they get through the rough beginnings, many couples make great buddy teams because they are so familiar with eachother.

Anyway, good luck!

 

[elenec]

It was so great to read everyone’s responses to my original thread. I think what instantly made me feel better was knowing that I was not alone in my experience. Thank you for sharing all your stories and experiences with me.

I think the encouragement that I got from the responses to find an alternative dive buddy for the both of us has calmed my fears a bit about being a new diver looking for someone to partner up with. I’m afraid I just didn’t leave my OW coursework very confident in my abilities and has made me a bit shy to approached fellow divers. Also thank you all for helping me realize that its ok to speak up for myself when I am uncomfortable and more importantly not to be embarrassed by it. I think my BF just underestimates my uneasiness about diving which I think we’ve come to terms with now and better yet have laid out plans to help me become a better and more confident diver. (Before it was exactly like alibee’s play by play) We are still working on communicating our views as Marie had suggested.

Now the good news. So after I started this thread and read everyone’s advice. We got together and got me some of my own gear (ie no weight belt eating at my waist since I got an integrated BCD) so I didn’t have to rent anymore (expect the reg). Then we headed out to Casino Point at Catalina and had three great dives. I got in a lot of easy bottom time that day and I feel much more comfortable underwater (plus it was a warm 68 deg!).

Following everyone’s suggestion we’ve planned a trip to Cozumel for a week in November and guess what I’m excited! =) (And he is more than just excited.)

And yes kelpmermaid I have had to hit the gym too! Not a bad side effect at all. =)

I wanted to thank everyone again for all the reassurance that the rough patches of being a new diver and diving with your BF will ease with time and of course diving.

BTW I would like to say that as a newbie Scubaboard.com is probably my one stop shop for questions and answers, advice, and general concerns. Thanks for keeping me in the water!