OP
Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here
- Thread starter sandshaker
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mlkco
Contributor
He was just getting his wife a beer.
Whats the problem?
He sounds like an upstanding member of society
Wait didn't I see him on cops
Bad Boy - Bad boy, What you going to do when I come for you? Bad boy -Bad Boy
Whats the problem?
He sounds like an upstanding member of society
Wait didn't I see him on cops
Bad Boy - Bad boy, What you going to do when I come for you? Bad boy -Bad Boy
The doctor said, "Bill, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Bill was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning and start a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Bill laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Bill tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Bill admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Bill thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Bill and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."
Bill was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Bill tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Bill walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Bill thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36."
Bill laughed, "Ah ha! I got you; I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, frowning, "You can't wear a size 34.
A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Bill was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning and start a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Bill laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Bill tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Bill admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Bill thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Bill and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."
Bill was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Bill tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Bill walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Bill thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36."
Bill laughed, "Ah ha! I got you; I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, frowning, "You can't wear a size 34.
A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
santafejoe
Contributor
:11::11:Good One Fox
m3830431
Contributor
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"
OP
sandshaker
Contributor
^ Cute ^
OP
sandshaker
Contributor
*Twas the month before Christmas*
*When all through our land,*
*Not a Christian was praying*
*Nor taking a stand.*
*See the PC Police had taken away,*
*The reason for Christmas - no one could say.*
*The children were told by their schools not to sing,*
*About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.*
*It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say*
* December 25th is just a 'Holiday'.*
*Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit*
*Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!*
*CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod* *Something was changing, something quite odd! *
*Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa*
*In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.*
*As Targets were hanging their trees upside down*
* At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.*
*At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears*
*You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.*
*Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty*
*Are words that were used to intimidate me.*
*Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen*
*On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!*
*At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter*
*To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.*
*And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith*
* Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace*
*The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded*
*The reason for the season, stopped before it started.*
*So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'*
*Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.*
*Choose your words carefully, choose what you say*
*Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS,
not Happy Holiday!*
*When all through our land,*
*Not a Christian was praying*
*Nor taking a stand.*
*See the PC Police had taken away,*
*The reason for Christmas - no one could say.*
*The children were told by their schools not to sing,*
*About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.*
*It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say*
* December 25th is just a 'Holiday'.*
*Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit*
*Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!*
*CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod* *Something was changing, something quite odd! *
*Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa*
*In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.*
*As Targets were hanging their trees upside down*
* At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.*
*At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears*
*You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.*
*Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty*
*Are words that were used to intimidate me.*
*Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen*
*On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!*
*At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter*
*To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.*
*And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith*
* Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace*
*The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded*
*The reason for the season, stopped before it started.*
*So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'*
*Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.*
*Choose your words carefully, choose what you say*
*Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS,
not Happy Holiday!*
Aint that the truth!
OP
sandshaker
Contributor
I Know Right!!!!
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