Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[Fish_Whisperer]

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Wichita, Kansas. One day the airport was fogged in, and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they poured themselves a couple of glasses of high-octane hooch and got completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! No hangover! No bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It's Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great! How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too! You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

Jim says, "Yeah, well there's just one thing."

Bud says, "What's that?"

Jim says, "Have you farted yet?"

Bud says, "No."

Jim says, "Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Denver, Colorado!"

 

[m3830431]

:wave-smil:

 

[sandshaker]

For those who have not heard this one!!!! soooo funny

SHOULD THIS EMPLOYEE HAVE BEEN FIRED


This has got to be one of the funniest I've heard of in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he is currently suing the Word Perfect Organization for "Termination without Cause."

This is the actual dialogue of a former Word Perfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations) starts here:

***************


Customer Service!

Employee--"Rich Hall, Computer Assistance; may I help you?"

Customer--"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word Perfect."

Employee--"What sort of trouble?"

Customer--"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden, the words went away."

Employee--"Went away?"

Customer--"They disappeared."

Employee--"Hmmm,,,, So what does your screen look like now?"

Customer--"Nothing."

Employee--"Nothing?"

Customer--"It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type."

Employee--"Are you still in Word Perfect, or did you get out?"

Customer--"How do I tell?"

Employee--"Can you see the 'C:' prompt on the screen?"

Customer--"What is a sea prompt?"

Employee--"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"


Customer--"There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Employee--"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

Customer--"What's a monitor?"

Employee--"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

Customer--"I don't know"

Employee--"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Customer--"Yes, I think so."

Employee--"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

Customer--"Yes, it is."

Employee--"When you were behind the monitor,did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Customer--"No."

Employee--"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Customer--"Okay, here it is."

Employee--"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's pluggedsecurely into the back of your computer."

Customer--"I can't reach."

Employee--"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

Customer--"No."

Employee--"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

Customer--"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle, it's because it's dark."

Employee--"Dark?"

Customer--"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Employee--"Well, turn on the office light then."

Customer--"I can't."

Employee--"No? Why not?"

Customer--"Because there's a power failure."

Employee --"A power.......a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and the packing stuff your computer came in?"

Customer--"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Employee --"Good.. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it Then take it back to the store you bought it from".

Customer--"Really? Is it that bad?"

Employee--"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Customer--"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Employee--"Tell them you're too f---ing stupid to own a computer!

 

[DivingPrincessE]

This joke is looong and rated PG-13

A fly is buzzing about four inches over a lake. Just under the surface a fish sees this and thinks if he just drops two inches I can jump out of the water and eat him.

A bear is watching this thinking if that fly drops two inches, that fish is going to jump out of the water and I can grab him.

A hunter is also watching thinking if that fly drops two inches, the fish is going to go for the fly, the bear is going to come out into the open to go for the fish and I can shoot the bear.

At the same time a mouse is watching this thinking if that fly drops two inches, the fish will go for the fly, the bear will go for the fish, the hunter will go for the bear and will drop his sandwich and I will get some food.

Meanwhile a cat is watching this thinking if that fly drops two inches, the fish will go for the fly, the bear will go for the fish, the hunter will go for the bear, the mouse will go for the sandwich and I can get the mouse!

So all of this happens like it should…the fly drops two inches, the fish goes for the fly, the bear goes for the fish, the hunter goes for the bear, the mouse goes for the sandwich, but the cat misses and ends up in the lake.

What’s the moral of the story??











Every time a fly drops two inches a p***y gets wet.

 

[buleetu]

hi all dont know if this is up already,but its pretty cool


YouTube - Scuba Cat

 

[m3830431]

A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

 

[sandshaker]

LMAO^that was great!!!!!!!!!


Here is a brain teaser....see if any of you are smart!!!

There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?

 

[DivingPrincessE]

my guess--"incorrectly"

 

[augk]

customer service joke way to funny

 

[augk]

LMAO^that was great!!!!!!!!!


Here is a brain teaser....see if any of you are smart!!!

There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?

is it Cah Lobstah or Bah ?