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Just saw a commercial for Vagisil wipes. Think they'll ever come out with a men's "My Arse Itches" wipe?

I'm so glad I don't have little ones watching TV and asking questions.

"Mommy, why did that KY stuff mess up that ladies hair?"
 
I am having a hard time getting my mask to stop leaking...any advice?
horse_head.jpg

Maybe I should do a better job shaving.....
 
Maybe Sarah Jessica Parker can give you some tips....

panic.jpg

She looks like she was trained by Kim Kardashian




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk.......figure it out
 
Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself naked in the mirror, remembering her time with Bill Clinton. Her frustration over not being able to lose weight was depressing her. In an act of desperation she decided to call on God for help. "God if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you". she prayed. And just like that, her ears fell off
 
> A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her
>
> tomatoes to turn red.
>
> One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor.
>
> He had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.
>
> The woman asked the gentleman, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?
>
>
> The man responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato
>
> garden, naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from
> blushing so much."
>
> The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to
>
> her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she
> flashed her garden hoping for the best.
>
> One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman,
>
> "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"
>
> "No," she replied,
>
> "but my cucumbers are enormous."

---------- Post added August 31st, 2013 at 03:38 AM ----------

Today's chuckle... love this one... don't give up dancing or driving.

>One night a nurse was making her rounds in a nursing home. While walking down
> the hall, she came across an open door. She looked in and saw old Frank
> sitting up in bed pretending to drive. She asked, 'Frank, what are you
> doing?' He replied, 'I'm driving to Toronto .' The nurse smiled at him and
> carried on making her rounds. The next night as she walked past Frank's room
> she saw the same thing. Again she asked, 'Frank, what are you doing?' He
> replied, 'I'm driving to Toronto . It's a two day trip, you know!' The nurse
> smiled at him and carried on making her rounds. Five minutes later she came
> across another open door and looked in. She saw Bob pretending to dance with
> someone. She then asked, 'Bob, what are you doing?' Bob replied, 'I'm
> dancing with Franks wife. He's gone to Toronto for a couple of days...'.
 
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling
> asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
> She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting.."
> Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get
> back to sleep.
> A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me.."
> Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and
> settled down to sleep.
> Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck..."
> Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
> "Where are you going?" she asked..
> "To get my teeth!"
 
Couple & Texting

An couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones.



The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.



One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.



She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:



"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.



If you are laughing, send me your smile.



If you are eating, send me a bite.



If you are drinking, send me a sip.



If you are crying, send me your tears.



I love you."



The husband texted back to her: "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
 
Computer Issues/Passwords

Setting your password:


Sorry your password has expired- you must register a new one.

Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?

No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one.

Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty good?

Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 30 days.

Can I use the old one and just re-register it?

No, you must get a new one.

I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember.

Sorry, you must get a new one.

OK, roses

Sorry you must use more letters.

OK, pretty roses

No good, you must use at least one numerical space.

OK, 1 pretty rose

Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces.

OK, 1prettyrose

Sorry, you must use additional spaces.

OK, 1****ingprettyrose

Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter.

OK, 1****INGprettyrose

Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row.

OK, 1****ingprettyrose

Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters.

OK, 1****INGprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessright****ingnow

Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used





 
https://www.shearwater.com/products/perdix-ai/

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