Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[lowviz]

Hey Jax! So this is where you are hanging out!

I'll play, something southwestern for ya...

A young man is touring the American Southwest, comes across a sign: Oldest living Indian. Amazing memory, ask me anything. Five dollars a question, first question free.

So the young man goes up to the Indian, extends his arm and says "How". Indian slowly opens his eyes and says "How". Young man asks "What did you have for breakfast thirty years ago, today?" Indian closes his eyes and after a long pause says "Eggs." Young man laughs and continues his journey.


Many years pass. Young man is now old and is travelling with his family. Comes across a sign: Oldest living Indian. Amazing memory, ask me anything. Five dollars a question, first question free.
Man runs over and gets his son. "I did this when I was a kid, just ask him a question!" Man's son just stands there silent.

Frustrated, man says "Watch me." Man walks up to Indian and extends his arm: "How." Ancient Indian opens his eyes, smiles, and replies: "Scrambled. That will be five dollars."

 

[pidgiepoo]

A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do
they need at home.

1st kid says "A computer".

Teacher replies "That'd be very useful."

2nd kid says "a new lawn mower" and gets a similar response.

Little Johnny pops up and says " At my house we don't need nuthin."

The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs
something.

Little Johnny replies, "Nope I'm sure! When my sister started dating a
redneck, I remember Dad saying,"Well, that's the last f***ing thing we
need."

 

[pidgiepoo]

Age-old Question Answered
Finally this age-old question is answered:

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked inthe balls?

Women always say that giving birth is far more painful than a guy getting kicked in the balls.

They are wrong, and here's the proof.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

You NEVER hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the balls."

Case closed.

 

[ScubaSteve]

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey and sits down. He orders a shot as the monkey walks away. The bartender pours the shot and watches as the monkey eats a couple peanuts off a table and then walks over to the pool table and swallows the cue ball whole. The bartender hands the shot to the patron and says "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

"No." replies the man. "What did he do?"

"He just swallowed a couple peanuts and then my cue ball whole!"

"Yeah that monkey will eat anything." the man said.

A couple of weeks later the same man came into the bar with the same monkey. Again the man sat down and ordered a shot.

As the bartender poured the shot, he watched as the monkey took a maraschino cherry, put it up it's bum, and then proceeded to eat it. "Did you see what you monkey just did?" astounded the bartender.

"No! What did he do this time?" quipped the man.

"He just took a maraschino cheery, put it up his bum and then swallowed it whole!" bounded the bartender.

"Oh yeah. That makes sense. Ever since he ate your cue ball a couple of weeks ago, he checks for size before eating anything."

 

[Jax]

 

[ScubaSteve]

A man and a woman go clothes shopping. This means that the man sits there trying to entertain himself while the woman tries on a continuous parade of clothes. With each outfit, she stands and stares at herself in the mirror.

"These clothes make me look fat and make me feel unattractive. I need you to pay me a compliment." the woman demands.

"You have perfect eyesight." the man quickly replies without distraction.

 

[pidgiepoo]

> --- What Is Couple Sex?
>
> An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was
> working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"
> The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a
> question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer.
> Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to
> tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.
>
> When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking
> at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.
> Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her,
> "Why did you ask this question, honey?"
>
> The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will
> be ready in just a couple secs.

 

[Jax]

Cat staff will relate!

 

[pidgiepoo]

Irish Wedding​

At the wedding reception, someone​

yelled, "Would all the married men,​

please stand next to theone person​

who has made your life worth living?"​

The bartender was almost crushed to​

death.​

 

[4dawgma]

From Google Street View>