Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[pidgiepoo]

Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there

 

[pidgiepoo]

A social worker from a big city in New York recently transferred to a small community in the northern part of Kentucky and was on her first tour of the new area when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life..

Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. 'Anybody home?' she asked.

'Yep,' came a kid's voice through the door.

'Is your father there?' asked the social worker..

'Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,' said the kid.

'Well, is your mother there?' persisted the social worker.

'Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here,' said the kid.

'But,' protested the social worker, 'are you never together as a family?'

'Sure, but not here,' said the kid through the door....... 'This is the Outhouse!'
( Some Government workers are so smart)

 

[pidgiepoo]

A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an
opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a
Kiss?"

So, she does.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

 

[pidgiepoo]

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing
only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.


As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said Softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this
very moment!"


My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming Or this is going to be my lucky day!"



Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then Gave it my all right there on the kitchen table.


Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove.



Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"



She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

 

[pidgiepoo]

Italian Virginity Test Kit -
Antonio is planning to marry and asks his family
doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.

His doctor says, "Antonio, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit.
A small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."

Antonio asks, "And what do I do with these things, doc?"

The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue.
If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen, you hit her with the shovel."

 

[pidgiepoo]

Politically incorrect

In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, the correct answer is Africa .

I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools


A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache"



Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche & mentioned it on FaceBook.
I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive !" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend !!



Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk ...
"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.”

The red cross have just knocked at our door and ask if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan , I said we would love to, but our hose only reaches to the bottom of the garden.

 

[DM95]

This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a Woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away For a couple seconds...
to continue shaving and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup. As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much, I dropped my electric shaver which knocked the donut out of my other hand.

In all The confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my Cell Phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs! Splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers!

 

[pidgiepoo]

Finally someone else posted a joke ! I was beginning to think I was the only one keeping this thread alive..and wondered if anyone was even reading it.

 

[Jax]

I read it every time there is a new post!

PidgiePoo, you ROCK! I always start my day with a laugh!

 

[sassyalice]

A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and 2 black eyes. What happened to you? says the doctor. Well, my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in a cow's ass. I lifted the tail of the cow and that's when I made my mistake." The doctor looked puzzled ,What mistake? I said 'Hey this looks like yours honey!