Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[Rhone Man]

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'ellapiz.'

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether 'computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora') because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval, and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories for it


THIS GETS BETTER!


The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador') because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem, and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model



The women won.

 

[dpbishop]

How far do you want to go?

 

[pidgiepoo]

You just can't make this stuff up!!

When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich 's house was burglarized
recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left
his Rolex watch. What they did take, however, was 'a generic white
cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder'. (That's at least the way
the police report described it.) A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police
said, 'that it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they'd probably
thought they'd hit the big time.' Later, Nathan stood in front of the
numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars, 'Please return the
cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude . She died three years ago.'

The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as

Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan 's doorstep. The cardboard box was

there too; about half of Gertrude 's ashes remained.

Scotch taped to the box was this note which said, 'Hoochie sold us the
bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard
feelings. Have a nice day.'

 

[pidgiepoo]

CATHOLIC GASOLINE

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making
her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.
As luck would have it, an Exxon Gasoline station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.

The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned
out, but she could wait until it was returned.

Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided
not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in
her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was
taking to the patient. Always resourcef ul, Sister Mary Ann carried
the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the
full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from
across the street.

One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'

 

[pidgiepoo]

Subject: The Difference Between a Grandpa and a Grandma


A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort to have 'family-time' on the weekends.


Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time.


Just him and his granddaughter.


One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather.


'Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?' 'Oh yes, Grandpa the girl replied, and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard or lousy **** head anywhere we went today!'


Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?

 

[m3830431]

Subject: The Cowboy Whisperer


Cowboy: "That your dog?"

Indian: "Yep."

Cowboy: "Mind if I speak to him?"

Indian: "Dog no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doin' all right."

Indian: (Look of shock!)

Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (Pointing at the Indian)

Dog: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes
me to the lake once a week to play."

Indian: (Look of total disbelief)

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Indian: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Indian)

Horse: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down
often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather.

Indian: (Look of total amazement)

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "Sheep big liar!"

 

[pidgiepoo]

POTENTIALLY AND REALISTICALLY
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?'
The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'
So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would
you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The mother replied, 'Of course I would! W e could really us e that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'
The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The girl replied, 'Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'
The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?'
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?'
The boy replied, 'Yes. Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars,
but Realistically, we're living with two
hookers and a homo.

 

[m3830431]

Like it

 

[pidgiepoo]

Canadian Medical Association researchers have made a remarkable discovery.
It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.
It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

 

[Phishie]

So this guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender looks a little strange at it but doesn't say anything. The guy orders a beer and sits down. A few beers later the bartender asks "What's with the lizard?" "This is a newt" the guy says. "His name is Tiny." "Tiny?" asks the bartender, "Why do you call him that?" "Simple", the man replies. "Because he's minute."