Post your funny/clean jokes here...

[WaterWayne]

The visiting Texas cowboy rode into the Colorado town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the Coloradans always picked on Texans. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse had been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

 

[WaterWayne]

The slave galley first mate told the chained-up rowers: "Boys, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that you all get double rations of slop tonight. The bad news is that tomorrow the captain wants to water-ski."

 

[Fish_Whisperer]

The slave galley first mate told the chained-up rowers: "Boys, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that you all get double rations of slop tonight. The bad news is that tomorrow the captain wants to water-ski."

Ha ha!!

 

[Taniwha]

OK, here's a simple one:

Two hydrogen atoms are talking:
"Oh no, I think I've lost my ion!"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive!"

...and another bar joke:

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a whiskey, pour one for yourself, and order a round for the house." The bartender thinks, "Wow, how generous!", pours the drinks, and says, "That'll be $47." The drunk drains his whiskey and says, "But I don't have any money." So the bartender kicks him in the butt and right out the door.

The same thing happens again the next day...the drunk says, "I'll have a whiskey, pour one for yourself, and order a round for the house." The bartender falls for it, thinking he would never try to pull the same stunt twice...but the drunk again says, "I don't have any money." This time, the bartender knocks the stuffing out of the drunk, slams him into the door, and throws him out on his face.

The third day, the same drunk walks in, "I'll have a whiskey, and order a round for the house." The bartender, amused, asks the drunk, "Hey, what about 'Pour one for yourself'? You're leaving me out."

The drunk says, "Oh no. Whenever you drink, you get too violent!"

 

[S. starfish]

Whats brown and sticky?











A stick!

 

[ThatsSomeBadHatHarry]

what is more stable: steak or hamburger?


the hamburger. its in its ground state.

 

[ThatsSomeBadHatHarry]

The visiting Texas cowboy rode into the Colorado town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the Coloradans always picked on Texans. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse had been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

hahaha. nice

 

[WaterWayne]

The mushroom walks into the bar, but the bartender says, "We don't like your kind in here." The mushroom replies, "But why?! I'm a fungi!"

 

[sandshaker]

A string walks into a bar.
The bar tender says, " We don't serve strings in here!"
The string left. He came back the next day.
The bar tender says, "Hey, I thought I told you we don't serve strings in here!"
The string steps out of the bar, ties himself into a knot. walks back into the bar.
The bartender repeats himself but a little louder " I TOLD YOU WE DO NOT SERVE STRINGS IN HERE!!"
The string says, " I am not a string"
The bartender says "Oh yes you are"
The string says " No... I'm afraid Knot!!"

Ha....ha....Ha

 

[Logiconor]

A string walks into a bar.
The bar tender says, " We don't serve strings in here!"
The string left. He came back the next day.
The bar tender says, "Hey, I thought I told you we don't serve strings in here!"
The string steps out of the bar, ties himself into a knot. walks back into the bar.
The bartender repeats himself but a little louder " I TOLD YOU WE DO NOT SERVE STRINGS IN HERE!!"
The string says, " I am not a string"
The bartender says "Oh yes you are"
The string says " No... I'm afraid Knot!!"

Ha....ha....Ha

hey, wasnt that the joke you got if you read the entire credits of SimCity 2000?