Post your funny/clean jokes here...

[KC5UX]

A policeman stopped a car full of nuns. the cop asked the driver "Do you know how fast you were going?" Yes, Officer, the nun replied. I was going the posted speed limit 22 miles an hour. the officer said "No, Sister this is Highway 22. The speed limit is 55 mph." Oh, I'm so sorry said the nun, I misunderstood the signs, I'll be more careful in the future." The cop was about to let her go when he noticed 2 more nuns in the back seat. They were pale as ghosts, shaking in their boots and counting their beads. "What's wrong with them?" the policeman asked. The nun replied " Oh, they'll be Ok in a few minutes when they settle down. You see, officer, we just got off the 137."

 

[sandshaker]

A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of
a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the
owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the
backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yes, I do," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk
when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I
told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me
jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and
world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight
years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I
knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I
signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security
wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered
some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got
married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he
wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you
selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that sh@#

 

[wstein]

Where does a bee go to the bathroom at?

a BP station

 

[Jorbar1551]

that dog is awesome

 

[Hammerhead]

It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife are facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes about her false leg.................Personally, I think it's prosthetic!

Apparently Paul was planning to buy her a titanium prosthetic leg for Christmas....



.....but it was only a stocking-filler

ba-boom, thank you ver much, ladies and gentlemen

 

[Jorbar1551]

Bono is at a U2 concert in Dublin when he asks the audience for some quiet. Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says in to the microphone... "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." A voice from near the front pierces the silence... "Well, *******ing stop clapping then!!"

 

[Jcsgt]

 

[DeputyDan]

Why do Canadian's perfer sex doggy style?

So they can both watch the hockey game!

 

[shakeybrainsurgeon]

A salesman calls upon a West Virgiinia farmer and is greeted by a pig with a peg leg. The man asks the farmer why the pig has an artificial limb and the farmer replies:

"That pig is special. He can count. Junior, whats 2 + 5?" The pig squeals seven times.

"And he saved my life once," added the farmer, "by pulling me out of the creek when I fell in...and he can read too.."

As the farmer went to grab a newspaper to show the pig's literary prowess, the salesman stopped him and asked again: "why the peg leg?"

"Why," said the farmer, "a pig this special, you don't eat him all at once."

 

[bwerb]

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

"Do you smell carrots?"