Now what? (need some advice)

[AlmightyApkallu]

Hello all. I'm in desperate need of some advice. Me and my sweetheart got a coupon a bit over a year ago at a trade show for "Discover Scuba Diving" for free. We did the discovery dive and both really loved it. We mutually got interested and agreed it was something we would love to do together. We've been wanting to get our OWD certification for a year now and finally we got a great deal on it and went through with it. We got lucky as well and found a super nice, very patient and very good instructor. We studied extensively, put a ton of effort into it and passed all our written exams with flying colors.

I was raised around water, my sweetheart was not. I was raised surfing, being around the ocean and around water. Water doesn't scare me at all, I respect it and what it can do but I'm very comfortable in it and around it. My girlfriend however grew up in the desert and didn't have a lot of exposure to water. She is however, a fantastic swimmer. She passed the water treading and howevermany yards it was swim with flying colors, better even than me. The thing is, as the class went on she began having some troubles. First with equalizing, but then she got it down perfectly, but not being able to equalize the first day of pool training made her fall behind a bit. She was incredibly nervous to do the giant stride on the first day and wasn't able to. I'll admit, I was able but it was a bit nerve racking even for me. The second day she did the giant stride and did great at it, but during the second day again she began to fall behind. Some of the skills she completely aced. She did the regulator recovery at deep end, better even than I did it. She dialed in her buoyancy perfectly so quickly that I'm beginning to think she might be part mermaid.

There's a few skills however, she wasn't able to preform. The instructor was nice enough to do some one on one training with her on a fresh day, with just them in the pool. He's a super chill guy and me and her both agreed we lucked out on a really good instructor, but she was still very nervous. She tried to do the mask removal technique and panic'd a bit. She got water in her nose and shot back up to the surface. This was her third day, she got about 2/3rd's of the skills down and when she got them down, she really got them down. She did the giant stride for the third time and this time did so with confidence. I saw she kept improving, but she told me and the instructor that she was still very nervous. She said she was a bit scared to do the open water part, didn't want to panic 30' down and didn't want to risk my or her life in the process. The mask removal was what she was having the hardest time with.

After letting her know how much I love her and that no scuba diving nor anything else would ever change that, I asked her if I at all made her feel like she HAD to do this or was doing it for me. She expressed very sternly that I hadn't and that she wanted to do this together. She said she just doesn't feel comfortable enough yet in the water but said she doesn't want to give up her dream of doing it. During the class, I aced all my tests and aced all the pool exercises. I sit ready to go do the open water final dives this weekend. She asked me to please go through with it or it would make her very sad and that she wants badly to see me do this. She also expressed that after being around it a bit, spending more time in a pool if even free diving and being around water more, that she hopes to be comfortable enough soon enough to retry it all again. She seems very bummed and it hurts me to see her not be able to accomplish this, she really wanted to see a sea turtle up close (she sadly drew one when she got home lol).

Of course, this leaves me a bit dazed and confused. I do want to continue on with this, but I don't want to ever leave her out of anything. Me and her are best friends, we are very close, we've been together for years and always do things together. It's our dynamic, it works for us and we are always happy in life together, it just works for us. I don't want to leave her out of this or leave her behind. The instructor, she herself and a family member of mine seemed to all agree that I should go ahead, complete the course and get certified, that way IF she becomes comfortable enough and decides to do this, I'll already be ready myself and might can even go down with the instructor to help with moral support and assistance underwater.

I'm fine with this, I'm down for it but of course I'm nervous. My built in dive buddy has now vanished. The instructor agreed to be my dive buddy for the open water portion but then what? I won't have a buddy. I've heard diving solo is extremely dangerous, especially for a new diver. I've also heard that NOBODY wants a new diver as their buddy unless it's a family member or close friend and they have a reason to. I'm also not in the mood to go out and meet people on the fly who may or may not be cool with how I dive with them. So that's the problem I'm facing. Without her, how will I gain any experience?

Also, have you folks ever heard of something similar happening before? If she's around me when I go do it, gets around the water and ocean more, gets around the culture more, spends more time practicing in the pool is it possible that she will become comfortable and confident enough to finish those last skills out? I believe the instructor said she has a good 5 months or so that she doesn't have to redo what she's already done, just schedule a time to finish what she hasn't IF and WHEN she's ready, but do you folks think such a time will come? Again, just curious if anyone has seen or heard of such a thing happening before. And again, she keeps mentioning how she doesn't want to give up on it, she's just not comfortable doing things like the mask removal at depth right now.

So yeah, any advice is so much greatly appreciated, thank you kindly.

 

[dumpsterDiver]

I have seen some absolutely terrible dive students. They are nervous, unskilled, uncomfortable in the water, panicky.. etc. etc...

There are some people who will never learn to dive, they do not belong in the water and they will always be a hazard to themselves and others.

However, if she is truly motivated to learn to dive and she has already mastered some of the skills, it would be very unusual for her not to be able to do it. If someone has no physical disabilities, then scuba diving is mostly a mental discipline. It will take time to learn the skills, but in the end it is a lot of determination and desire which matters. As long as she is not doing it for you.. she will get it.. eventually.

My advice... go to the pool, a few times a week and practice snorkeling, removing the mask, clearing it underwater, swimming underwater ... etc, This time in the water and the opportunity to make peace with the water on her own terms, will go a long way.

If you care about her safety, it is important that she learns to clear the mask perfectly and calmly. She should be able to throw the mask and fins in the deep end of the pool, dive down, clear her ears, put the fins on, put the mask on, clear the mask underwater AND clear the snorkel when she reaches the surface .. all on one breath. And she needs to be able to do it easily!

Something like that is not really hard at all, but you need to be CALM and methodical about it.. working on those simple skills will be hugely beneficial to her. Also.. having her snorkel with no mask and not holding her nose is very useful to teach airway control...

Also, you should both understand that much of the scuba training now is very short. some people will just take longer.. A farm girl from Iowa is going to take longer to teach than skinny litttle surf rats. Some people take longer to master the skills, but once they learn.. they may be the best, most enthusiastic divers around.

 

[AlmightyApkallu]

I agree totally, I think maybe if she can get comfortable with being in water on her own terms and doing exercises in a pool like you described. I've asked her so many times if she was doing this for me. We're always honest with each other, she's not one to lie. I told her many times that my happiness with her is not dictated by any hobby but that I need to know if she feels PRESSURED to do this for ME. She swears it's just as much for her and her desire to "explore the underworld." She just seems very scared about everything right now. I'm very proud that she recognizes danger and doesn't continue further. Both of our safety, namely hers is of the UTMOST importance to me, again nothing in this world is worth compromising her safety to me.

I think airway control would do a lot to help her out. As I said before, at first she was so scared to do the giant stride the first day that she looked like a deer in the headlights and couldn't do it, by the third time at the pool she was stepping in like it was nothing. I agree, I think a lot of this is a mental game because she is definitely very intelligent and good at learning things.

 

[TMHeimer]

You'll get much advice on what both of you should do, so I'll just throw in a couple of things. For you, ask around to find a dive buddy. Preferably one with Rescue Diver cert., or at least someone quite experienced. A dive club you (and eventually her) may join nearby? I buddied with a fellow newbie--though IMO not ideal, it may be who is available.
For her-yes, all the pool review she can, etc. It is surprising she has some problems being a very good swimmer, but so be it. Another thing (it seems that only I throw out) is for her (and you) to go through all the motions on land of the 20+ pool skills you did. It really helps keep me sharp. Do this especially if there will be a large gap of time between dives.

 

[Neilwood]

I think it sounds like she has confidence issues due to not having spent as much time in the water as you have (or possibly in general doing new things). Time, patience and practise sound like the answers here.

I think a couple of additional sessions in the pool will probably be the answer. Get her to take some time in the pool (with a DM or instructor if she feels she needs extra instruction) to get her really comfortable and confident in doing the drills before she goes to the OW part. Please exercise a lot of patience if you are there as well because you don't want her to feel any pressure at all. I was lucky as I probably got more time to practise my skills as I was 1-1 with the instructor.

I have to say that, for me anyway, the OW dives just felt like an extension of the pool dives in that the cove I dove in was mill pond smooth and vis was pretty decent for here (that might depend where you are doing the OW section though). Apart from the feeling of cold in the OW, everything was pretty much the same so doing the skills in the water felt ok. I do have to admit I was nervous about the step from pool to OW but now I wonder why because some of the skills are actually easier in 10m deep water than 2-3m (the deeper you go the easier it tends to be to be neutrally buoyant).

I struggled a bit with my buoyancy in the pool @2-3m but doing similar tasks in 8-10m was a heck of a lot easier.

 

[fjpatrum]

I have a friend who tried diving and couldn't get around the "water in my nose" feeling at all. He just never finished.

For most people (and I suspect for your girlfriend) it's no big deal after they get used to it. It sounds like she just needs time to get used to the mask don/doff. Maybe spend some time just "snorkeling" in a pool with her, taking her mask on and off every once in a while swimming at the surface but with face submerged. Work it to breath hold stuff in the shallow end... take a deep breath, submerge to sit on the bottom, and do mask drill, stand up. This way she can get the feeling of it all and figure out how to breath out of her nose (or whatever else might be causing the issue) in a safe/controlled environment.

As you've already indicated, though, you don't want to force it. Put the option out there and let her decide whether or not she's going to try it. In the end, if she can't get through it, you can always snorkel together or she can snorkel and you can dive, like my wife and I do. It's not hard at all to find a buddy to go dive with if you can't dive with her. She can often still go on the boat and snorkel at a slightly reduced fee, or you can go without her while she does some other activity for the day.

 

[tbone1004]

i skimmed through this thread, so I apologize if it's been mentioned.

Swimming does not equal snorkeling which does not equal diving.

No swimming experience will prepare you for diving, it is completely different.

Snorkeling experience will prepare you greatly for diving and is something that most instructors are not comfortable doing, and most agencies don't push anymore. You don't need an instructor to help with this. Your better half needs to learn to be comfortable in the water before there is any sort of regulator put in her mouth. Get in the diving well of a pool with the mask on the back of her head and snorkel in her mouth and have her start breathing. Only from the snorkel at first. Then inhale from snorkel and exhale from your nose. Then inhale from snorkel and break up the exhalations from the nose into 2-3 second intervals.
Only after she is comfortable with this should you move onto mask clears and removal. When she is comfortable, move to the shallow end of the pool and if the pool has them, grab a diving brick, if not, you can stand behind her and hold her down. Have her take a normal breath and sit on the bottom. You are only holding your breath for 5-10 seconds, not 3 minutes. Anything more than a normal breath will cause stress in your body and you don't need that much air to begin with. Flood the mask, and clear it once. Very slow bubbles coming out of your nose and only enough air to clear the mask, you shouldn't spew a bunch of bubbles out from under the mask. The skirt only needs to break a millimeter from your skin for this skill to work. After the mask is clear, clap, give a double OK sign, and tap your hands to let her up, ideally with a displacement snorkel clear on ascent. After you are comfortable doing one, then move onto two, then three, four, etc. but only as many as you can do on a normal breath.
Only after you can comfortable do 3-4 mask clears on a single breath are you ready to move onto mask removal. Same process as above. Sit on floor of pool, flood mask, remove mask, replace mask, clear mask, clap, double OK, tap shoulder, displacement snorkel clear, ascend.

From there the next skill is equipment removal and replacement. Very simple, same as above, but you remove your fins as well. Remove fins, remove mask, clap, double OK, tap shoulder, stand up. Take 2-3 breaths, though for the final skill, learning to do it on one breath will be easier. Drop back down, put mask on, clear, fins on, clap, double OK, tap shoulder, displacement snorkel clear.
Final skill requires a diving brick or weight belt with 4-6lbs of lead on it, but is to do this in the dive well of a pool. Pike dive, sit on bottom with belt or brick on lap. Remove fins and mask. Clap, OK, remove belt/brick, ascend. Take one breath as you hit surface then tuck back down for another pike. One arm pull, and put belt/brick on lap. I put fins on first, then mask. Clear mask, clap, OK, ascent to surface with displacement snorkel clear.

All of this sounds like a lot and none of it except the mask clear is useful for scuba diving, but clearing the mask without any extra bubbles, doing the displacement snorkel clears, the clapping and double OK signs, are all to show your comfort in the water. Only when you can do that on your own and be comfortable with it, are you >99% sure that you are going to be OK on scuba. Yes this is a requirement for all of our OW students, not just some crazy thing that sounds idiotic.

Get her comfortable doing that, and I will bet anything that she'll be OK with the rest of the skills and with OW training, but you have to get her comfortable under the water before you put a reg in her mouth again.

Oh, should also note, that I can with great confidence say that 99% of instructors out there can't do that skill above on the first try, but I'll refrain from bashing ITC's today.

 

[DivemasterDennis]

My advice: 1. Do not dive solo. 2) do not pressure your girl friend- there will come a time she is ready to try again. 3)Since you love her more than scuba, marry her.
DivemasterDennis

 

[motorref]

AA - I was in a similar situation with my wife last spring; She had a hard time snorkelling but finally got used to it, and then she decided to get OW certified because my dive buddy (her best friend Lisa) and I were going off and she was tired of being left behind!
Again, she had issues with removing her mask underwater, so our LDS allowed me to work with her a couple of weekends in the local YMCA pool (where they do their training); she had the same problem of "water up the nose", so I gradually worked her up to staying underwater for several minutes (in the shallow end so she could stand up as needed) - holding her hand so that she knows you're there may add some much needed confidence, as well as the willpower to overcome her fears.
Also, IIRC, (way, way back) when I was in high school some of our swim team wore a nose clip that pinched their nose closed; this may help initially, but I certainly wouldn't allow her to rely upon it.

Good Luck!
KevinL

 

[TMHeimer]

In reference to Neilwood's post, I too was a little nervous going from pool to ocean. And I had snorkelled/free dived if you will, for decades. Maybe it's just a matter of her getting the confidence to do it. You finish the checkout dives then you say "20 feet, what's the big deal"?

*Addendum-- I think it is probable that most student divers regardless of "water" experience will be at least a bit apprehensive the first time going like 20 feet deep on scuba. Possible exception may be those who have already free-dived to that depth or maybe to 50' feet or so.